I really miss myself.

Dignified ↓

Sun, Jan 05 2025, 1:09 pm

Once upon a time, when I was a girl, I was always happy. Nowadays, I'm grateful to Hashem for all He's given and keeps on giving me, but I'm not necessarilly happy.
I don't have a positive body image, and for good reason. I think about my weight all day. I have no room for human error. I eat, I gain.
I became so argumentive. I argue about whatever I think is right, and take it to a personal level. When I finish arguing I feel so uch.
As a girl I was so content. I felt I had everything I needed. Now, I always feel like I need something else.
Errrrrrr.

↑ Dignified

Mon, Jan 06 2025, 6:23 pm

muffintop6 wrote:

Recently I was actually thinking about this. Do I even know myself? Do I have wants or needs? I feel like they are all gone under everything I need to take care of in my life.

One day when everyone is married will I get to be myself again??

I do keep a bucket list, for one day when the kids will get married.... but till then... Oh! It's crazy sometimes.

Boca00 ↓

Yesterday at 10:34 am

It's so important to find yourself again and don't wait till the kids are grown.

Here are some ideas, do any of these resonate with you?
-walk daily (alone or with a friend)
-go to or start a weekly learning group
-learn on the phone with a friend once a week
-hot shower and tea every night
-go to the beach when I'm really on zero
-very occasionally do a fun thing with family or friends (a few times a year)- karaoke, escape the room, dinner out, archery/shooting range, cook cool stuff together from different cuisines, kumzitz, watch shooting stars, bowling

meeze

Yesterday at 10:37 am

Boca00 wrote:

Same
I always look back at my childhood , post high-school days
Now it's all about responsibilities. It's a big change

↑ Boca00

Yesterday at 10:42 am

meeze wrote:

Same
I always look back at my childhood , post high-school days
Now it's all about responsibilities. It's a big change

That's for sure.
While I have happy memories of those times, I don't wish I was still there. I try to live my best life now and take time for me now. I need it.

Mommyflower

Yesterday at 10:48 am

Ok, here's some good news. When you are newly married or a young parent (if you are), it's really hard and you don't have much opportunity to indulge your own likes or needs. When your children grow up, you often have more time and occasionally more money to do the things you want to do. I took a long time off to stay home with my kids. I went back to work at a job that I really love but that really challenges me as my kids were mostly grown. It's very exhausting, but it makes me feel productive and like I'm doing something meaningful now that my energy isn't directed toward running a family. It also gives me some money of my own and more say over my own destiny. Being a grandparent is a lot of fun and we do try to help our kids as much as possible. However, there's a huge difference between getting up on an occasional night to comfort and snuggle a crying child and being on call to do that every night. Have faith that you will get to make decisions after you are done with the very important and very difficult job of raising your family. You'll likely look back on these days with fondness or even wistfulness (okay not ALL of them.) Also, try to live in the moment for the good days to enjoy the delight of your children, your pride in them, and all your hard work.

If you're not yet a parent and you are trying to find your identity in a new marriage, think about volunteering with other women, joining a book group, finding a great hobby, and keeping up with friends and family. Marriage is an opportunity for new things but also to find the best of yourself (not to lose yourself.) Wishing you luck.