Tips on parenting difficult teens

amother

Mon, Jan 06 2025, 8:04 pm

Really only interested in hearing from current and past teen parents. If you aren’t one please start your own thread to discuss your opinions.
I am also not interested in brain and gut inflammation or pandas so please use another thread for that.

My teen was a really good kid. More than my other kids. Super easy going, always happy always doing the right thing etc.. my other kids pushed boundaries all the time this one did not. Now this kid is being an impossible teen. Picking fights over stupid things, always in a bad mood, very defiant, making bad choices.. it happened almost overnight. I’m really at a loss. Unsure how much to attention to give negative behavior, unsure when to give consequences. And it’s affecting the whole family. Younger kids are starting to copy some behaviors.

I can use all tips and tricks for dealing with this situation. Any tired and true methods? Would love to know what really works in the long term. And what backfired badly.

amother

White

Mon, Jan 06 2025, 8:38 pm

Hi OP.

First, is your child a boy or a girl.

There are many reasons teens act out.

Maybe something happened in school- socially or academically and this is how they are letting out their frustration.

Maybe it’s hormones.

Maybe someone did something terrible to them. Maybe they experienced a terrible trauma.

Maybe they feel stifled by your parenting.

Maybe they are confused with certain things about Yiddishkeit.

Maybe they want attention, like you gave your other kids when they showed bad behavior.

Maybe they are being typical teenager but you aren’t used to it.

In the short, love them unconditionally, don’t show anger but be firm, compliment them on the good you see whenever you can.

In the long, get them the help they need whether thru therapy, a mentor etc.

amother

Phlox

Mon, Jan 06 2025, 8:40 pm

I have three difficult teens but they were always difficult. If there was a sudden change I'd be looking at that. What led up to it. Physical health checkup for starters.

amother

Burgundy

Mon, Jan 06 2025, 10:11 pm

I once heard a Rabbi who was principal of a girls school refer to the "Hi! Slam. Stage"
That stage hits most teens where they come home from school, go to their room and slam the door shut. Acting out is normal. Yes, it's smart to check them out physically and mentally, just in case. But it's usually just a painful stage (like the terrible twos).

I have survived many teens. My youngest is now 14 and pretty much exactly as you described.

TwinsMommy

Yesterday at 11:54 pm

I have two extremely difficult teens. Twins turning 18 on Thursday. My biggest successes with them are when I share their interests and ask them questions and show real concern about the (admittedly trivial to most adults) stuff in their lives. My son (both twins have autism so these are not typical interests!) is very into Japanese culture, Rubik's cubes, computer stuff..... so I ask him a lot of questions to learn more even if in reality I'd never truly be interested. We go to the gym together which is an interest we share. My daughter loves to share jokes and memes with me and it makes her so happy when I text her silly memes about things she likes and she loves to tell me about her friends and quiz me on which of her friends I think are good looking (insane, I know)---- so when she's in a good mood, that's how we relate.