Success - What does it mean for you

amother

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 5:20 pm

As Chanuka is coming to a close and after spending much of it with family, I came to the sad realization that when saying one is successful, the only natural assumption is that its being meant financially, not even once was the word used to describe a budding talmid chochom or "successful" rebbe, is that so? is this what we all believe? I would like to add that even the part of my family that actually stayed in chinuch also seem to use the word success only in relation to money..., I would also add that we are financially very comfortable, so this is not about me feeling less than, its was more a sad feeling realizing how we all idolize money to the point that we totally forgot our values, myself included

amother

Cyclamen ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 6:31 pm

Well, it's hard to feel successful when you're scrambling to pay bills and relying on handouts, no matter how many budding talmidei chachomim you've nurtured or how excellent your parenting skills are. Simple fact of life.

What matters is not whether others would describe you as successful, but whether YOU feel like a success. "Successful" is a euphemism. It seems crass to come out and say "makes a lot of money" so we say "successful" because it's nonspecific and sounds more refined. You can always deny that you meant money and claim that you meant something else.

I learned about "successful" long ago when a well-to-do relative visited my very not well-to-do parents and proceeded to diss everything from their apartment ("claustrophobic") to the city they lived in (malodorous, but they used an uglier word). But my parents were content, earning enough to live on modestly, well thought of in the neighborhood (not prominent, but well thought of), their married kids were married to frum people, and as far as they were concerned had all that they needed. Successful? I think if your grandchildren are all still observant Jews and functional, you can consider yourself successful no matter what

The relatives? One child married out,
one "living in sin" with a nonJew, and one who had stopped talking to them years before. Successful? I think not.

I would never use the word to describe a person who has lots of money but whose family and personal life are a wreck.

amother

Snow

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 6:46 pm

I would think a big rabbi of a school or Shul is successful I don’t think every talmid chacham is successful the same way not every entrepreneur is successful
What makes me sad though is that mothers often get very little credit and acknowledgement for their sacrifices in raising a Jewish family. I don’t think anyone would say my mom is successful but she raised 2 rabbis of Shuls and multiple daughters and sons who work hard and raise their kids bederech hatorah. She gave her entire life to raise us and deserves the acknowledgment for her successes

amother

↑ Cyclamen

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 8:02 pm

amother Snow wrote:

I would call that highly successful. Anyone who accomplishes what they set out to do is successful.

singleagain

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 8:33 pm

Just a few weeks ago there was another post like this
This was my post

singleagain wrote:

Suddenly have a flashback to a poem I wrote years ago. I hope I remember it all:

Success is accomplishing your goals
Going down the highway of life and being able to pay the tolls
Success is overcoming an obstacle in your way
And then I did. It is what you'll be able to say
[I feel like I'm missing a couple of lines here. But maybe I'm not. I don't know it's been so long]
Success is beating the odds and feeling good
You could be a success. I know you could

amother

Firebrick

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 8:39 pm

Like a pp said successful is a euphemism for wealthy but when I think of success in my own personal terms I think of completely different things. More along the lines or people who are mentally healthy, in stable marriages raising well adjusted, emotionally healthy children.