When moms say “I just let her cry” 😤

amother

↑ Watermelon ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 5:20 pm

amother Cognac wrote:

My pediatrician doesn’t see a problem with having a baby cry for hours at night . Just because she’s a professional doesn’t mean I agree with her . Obviously there are some situations that may need it, but in general , I don’t agree with crying it out , and I don’t get why my pediatrician is always pushing me to do it . In general, professional advice isn’t always the right choice .

Okay, great. I do think it's weird for a doctor to be pushing someone to do it, unless he sees that parents are so sleep deprived that they can't care for the baby...
No one tried to force us to do it, they just said a) it's not going to cause the baby any emotional harm, and it can help everybody get a proper sleep. b) it's better to let them cry as long as it takes to stop, rather than timing it or going in at certain intervals.

Like I said, we didn't do it. But it was because of our own emotional response, not our objective opinion.

amother

↑ OP

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 6:20 pm

amother Snapdragon wrote:

Oh get off of your high horse.
I guess you know what's best for everyone? I must have missed your books on sleep training, please tell me what stores they sell them at!
No, really I love being judged by strangers who have no idea what my kids are like!

Sounds like you have a guilty conscience

amother

↑ Snapdragon

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 6:49 pm

amother OP wrote:

Sounds like you have a guilty conscience

Nope. Maybe I just didn't get enough sleep last night.
Obviously I feel bad for my baby whenever she's crying, but sometimes there's nothing to do.
You should take a step back and realize you don't know what's best for everyone.
Thanks.

amother

Tanzanite

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 8:10 pm

Please explain to me what I can do when I've needed the bathroom for the last 45 minutes, I'm about to burst, and there is no-one around to hold her. Yes, I will put her on the mat to cry for 5 minutes so I can take care of my needs.
Or yesterday, I don't know what her issue was, all she wanted was for me to hold her but I had hungry kids who needed to be fed, I kept pushing off making dinner hoping she would go to sleep but she refused. Eventually, I put her in her highchair in the kitchen and made dinner for everyone else. Yes she wasn't happy about it, I figured at least she can see me and I can talk to her while I'm cooking and it's too bad, but I can't hold her 24/7. Should my other young kids be hungry because their baby sister demands to be held?

amother

DarkRed ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 8:21 pm

amother OP wrote:

Why?? When an infant is crying in the middle of the night it means they need to be taken care of, not ignored!
This makes me so angry.
I get it, we’re all tired, overwhelmed, and we just want the baby to sleep through the night. But ignoring a crying baby is just cruel. I see this so many times on imamother and hear it in real life. Why do people think it’s ok to let their baby scream?
Why have babies if you’re just going to ignore them?

I couldn’t agree with you more Op. This topic really triggers me. Some mothers can act so cruel and selfish.

amother

↑ DarkRed ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 8:22 pm

amother Babypink wrote:

really, most sleep training is not crying out. this is the biggest disservice to actual sleep training. Try 12 hours sleep by 12 weeks old. No crying it out and it works like a charm.

That book is abusive. Don’t use that book as an example of good parenting.
I wish that book was banned.

amother

↑ DarkRed ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 8:29 pm

amother Watermelon wrote:

The two child psychologists that we consulted told us that letting a baby cry for 2-3 nights as long as it takes is completely fine. They said only do it once the baby reaches the age and weight that they're fine without eating at night. They said that parents getting enough sleep is a very important goal and overrides any negative effects of letting them cry.
Our pediatricians were also fine with this.
As long as you're consistent, it teaches the baby that when it's nighttime, crying doesn't bring mommy. but in the morning, mommy is there to take care of everything you need.

Honestly couldn't do it. I couldn't let baby cry for hours, and taking them out after they cry "long enough" is more confusing for them, so I don't do it. But I don't see a problem with people choosing to do it, based on the professional guidance that they seek.

The professionals you consulted with gave you bad advice. It’s good you didn’t listen to them. CIO is so harmful.

tigerwife

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 8:32 pm

Hmm… I’m the type that nurses on demand but when you’ve spent 10+ months sleeping in half hour increments between 12am and 6am with a nice long stretch of feeding, diapering, singing, soothing and rocking in between, sometimes twice, and your adorable baby takes no comfort items like a pacifier or even a bottle… there’s this deep exhaustion that sets in - can’t really describe it but beyond human tiredness- where you’re almost in fight or flight mode. The baby is fed. Burped. The diaper is cleaned. Your arms have pins and needles. The baby cries when you put them in the crib and very likely you are asleep before baby. So you don’t even know how long the poor exhausted creature ended up crying.
Obviously this situation is so not ideal in many ways. But Mommy going to sleep at that point is the right decision. Being a zombie will only make you a worse parent the next day.

amother

↑ DarkRed ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 8:33 pm

amother Snapdragon wrote:

Sometimes that's the only thing there is to do.
I just switched my six month-olds feeding times. She is BH eating real food very nicely, and doesn't need the 5 am feeding anymore, and I would greatly appreciate the sleep tbh. Guess what? She's still waking up at 5 to eat. She doesn't need the food, she's totally ok. It's just habit.
Sometimes after crying for a few minutes she's tired herself out and ready to go back to sleep.
I'm not just ignoring her. I know she's ok and doesn't need anything. She's a baby. Babies cry.

She is most likely hungry or thirsty at 5. She is 6 months old which is a really a baby. You shouldn’t be having feeding times, you should be feeding when baby wants on demand.
Feed her at 5 and don’t let her cry.

amother

↑ Watermelon

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 10:34 pm

amother DarkRed wrote:

The professionals you consulted with gave you bad advice. It’s good you didn’t listen to them. CIO is so harmful.

We didn't not listen, we just chose the other option.
But honestly, your anonymous statement here isn't more scientific to me that the professionals that we got information from.
Now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever heard a doctor/psychologist say that they're against this method. (not in person, in a class, book, article, etc) I've heard it lots from very caring mothers and I get it. I'm also sure that there exist professionals with all types of opinions. Just my own experience and research.

amother

Acacia ↓

Fri, Jan 03 2025, 1:41 am

amother Babypink wrote:

there's no such thing as spoiling a baby but there is such a thing as a mom that is completely spent, run down, overwhelmed, sleeps in 2 hour stretches.... shall I go on...
A mommy that sleeps is a mommy that has patience to care for their child. Happy mommy happy baby.
(I am not pro crying it out, although sometimes it is necessary if nothing else works)

Get a baby nurse. Happy mama happy baby is not a scientific method btw. Happy mama happy mama.

amother

↑ Acacia

Fri, Jan 03 2025, 1:44 am

I get what you mean OP, I hate it too. We all know there are exceptions etc. But the attitude for a mother to say "I need to take care of myself first", is the opposite of a mom. Too bad. Babies need you to be temporarily selfless. if you can't handle that. Birth control.
If you are a great mother but must have a full nights sleep, then you must get a baby nurse. No I can't afford one either, but then figure it out.
So many mental health issues today. I'm not saying it's because of letting a baby cry, it's the whole parenting attitude shift this generation.

JasmineDragon

Fri, Jan 03 2025, 2:45 am

amother Pink wrote:

I think with many things in parenting, there is a middle road. Another thing to keep in mind is that some babies are much more difficult than others. I was very against sleep training. Then, my 10.5 month old was still waking up 4-5 times a night. Even when I would be sitting there rocking him for 45 mins, often times he would still cry because he was so over tired. One night I just couldn’t take it anymore and I let him cry for 5 minutes at a time in the crib while I comforted him. He actually learned how to fall asleep on his own eventually. He literally did not have the skill. But I do think complete cry it out is a little much.

Staying with your baby and comforting him while he cries is not what I'd call "letting your baby cry".

amother Tanzanite wrote:

Leaving your baby to cry for a minute to take care of yourself/the rest of your family is not at all the same thing as letting your baby cry on purpose because you think it's better.

amother

↑ Indigo

Fri, Jan 03 2025, 2:58 am

amother Acacia wrote:

Once we can afford to pay for electricity and all I'm happy to have a night nurse (a cleaner is also on the list)
Yes financially we were doing well when I became pregnant, the company closed down and there is nothing I can do no one is going to be willing to higher a women in her 7th months.
Ironically where I live BC is soo expensive I sometimes wonder if children are cheaper.
I still don't agree to leave a baby screaming but if it's that or dropping your baby it's a lot safer.

Debbie

Fri, Jan 03 2025, 3:23 am

amother Cornsilk wrote:

Nature intended for us to keep them very very close via their dependence on our bodies for sustenance.

The formula industry really disrupted that.

I'm not sure how to take your comment on the formula industry, but I want to tell you that I, and I'm sure plenty of other mothers here are very grateful to that industry.
Both of my children were formula fed and they were always held close at feeding times; the only other person who gave their bottles was my husband and that was occasionally.
My body couldn't be relied on to produce breast milk, but it was relied on to prepare their formula.
By the way, I didn't use cry it out method with my babies.

OddoneOut1

Fri, Jan 03 2025, 5:27 am

amother Acacia wrote:

Get a baby nurse. Happy mama happy baby is not a scientific method btw. Happy mama happy mama.

I am sorry by your comment is exceptionally tone deaf.
There are many reasons why a baby nurse is not a good/realistic option for many families, and having a baby nurse was never a prerequisite to having another child.

Choosing to sleep and be more functional absolutely does make a happier child (if not young baby). A healthy, emotionally well, functional mother absolutely will have the happiest kids she could, whether or not they cried as babies. personally, I see ZERO ma'aleh to being sleep deprived if someone is not functioning on lack of sleep.

The supermoms on here who live on no sleep and are still able to patiently and happily parent their other children, keep a functional home, and maintain whatever schedule they always had (or can afford/have space for a baby nurse to alleviate the pressure)- thank Hashem for that extra strength you have and please stop judging mothers who are making the best and safest choices for their families.

Yes, I hearted your post.

amother

NeonPurple

Fri, Jan 03 2025, 5:39 am

This thread is making me nauseous. The amount of judgement is unbearable. Op, if you don’t like it, don’t do it. But what goes on in other homes is not your business. The same way it’s not your business if the mom is nursing vs bottle feeding or gives birth at home vs the hospital. You don’t know what people go through in life that brought them to that point. Calling a general statement that they are abusive is the most harsh thing you can do. You continue doing you and let other people do them. FTR it sounds like you are trying to shush inner things by fixing it with your kids. You are far too triggered. Maybe ask yourself why does it bother you so much??

missmuffetsmum

Fri, Jan 03 2025, 6:21 am

amother Acacia wrote:

Have you read the surprise pregnancy threads lately? Can't Believe It

And your life doesn't change at all over the span of 9 months of pregnancy - financially, mentally, shalom bayis, trouble with existing children etc?

And when 'temporarily selfless' leads to PPD and psychosis (which FYI can happen after a first baby, when you have no clue what you're getting yourself into!), is that better?

What makes me the angriest is the idea that "you should just co-sleep and nurse all night in your sleep" - how about those of us who have tried EVERYTHING to be able to nurse, including triple-feeding (nursing, pumping and formula at the same time, for each feed) and it just doesn't work fo us. Never mind the fact that we may be extremely light sleepers who cannot have a baby in our beds.

I also don't agree that crying it out should be one's official plan going into parenting - my grandmother loves to recall the woman in the community who put her 6 week old babies downstairs to 'sleep through the night' - but I think MANY people do it when they just cannot handle the sleep deprivation anymore. People aren't doing it to 3 month olds generally!

I'm curious, what are your babies like for the first year?

amother

Oatmeal ↓

Fri, Jan 03 2025, 6:24 am

I can not tell if you are against sleep training of all kinds or just cio method. I am not going to give my opinion on cio. But I do think mothers who do not train their babies to sleep are doing a disservice to their child. If a 2 year old is still waking up sometimes multiple times, there is something wrong. It is not healthy for them. They need to be taught how to sleep. Just as you teach them other life skills, teach them how to sleep. From experience I can tell you that sleep training a younger child (say around 9 months) is much easier than training a 2 year old. This results in less overall crying on the childs part in the long run. I know from experience as well that some kids are much much much harder to train then others. It is still worthwhile to stick it out.