I'm so tired of Stepford Imamother

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 6:22 pm

amother Tan wrote:

IMO those responses were more because people were posting that what OP said is acceptable.

It's not. I won't pretend it is to spare OPs feelings. If you feel like punching your child go get help.
At least write on your post that you said something so awful and how will you ever fix it.

Do you honestly believe that making someone feel like garbage is going to fix a situation?

How can someone who is so critical and judgy of other moms who had a bad moment possibly be such fantastic people themselves?

It's getting so tiresome to hear all the holier than though imas who think they are doing so much better. Newsflash. They aren't.

amother

↑ Tan ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 6:27 pm

amother OP wrote:

It's not holier than thou to point out when someone has gone too far.
I have a hard time believing anyone thinks it's okay or normal to say such a thing even in anger. Every single response should be that this is not ok.

amother

Slategray

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 6:29 pm

amother Darkblue wrote:

Saying those things to a child, is awful enough. Even if mom doesn't follow through.
I bh have kids, I have teens bh.
Of course I snap at them on occasion, but there's a red line that shouldn't be crossed.
And no, not every parent loses their temper to the point of saying awful things to a child. Only people with anger & temper management issues, lose it to the extent of saying horrible things to their child. Don't make it seem like talking like that to kids is a normal thing.

Or only people who are dealing with harder than usual kids that you have never encountered. My siblings and I discussed this once how their hardest young child was equivalent to my easiest.
I know someone who had crystals displayed and said I just tell my little kids nicely not to touch and they listen. You just have to know how to talk… until kid number 5 came along and destroyed everything, and didn’t listen…

↑ chanatron1000 ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 6:48 pm

Yes, some children are more difficult than others, but there's a difference between not being able to stop your child from doing something and not being able to stop yourself.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 7:03 pm

chanatron1000 wrote:

Yes, some children are more difficult than others, but there's a difference between not being able to stop your child from doing something and not being able to stop yourself.

Everyone should be blessed to not have children who are cruel to their other children or who prey on the vulnerability and weaknesses of others. Until we are all blessed with this, let's cut eachother some slack.

amother

↑ Holly ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 7:03 pm

amother OP wrote:

I’m hearing alot of blaming the children and no accountability. Hit a nerve I see

amother

↑ Darkblue ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 7:04 pm

amother OP wrote:

I don't understand what you're trying to bring out. That only mom's get to talk awful to their children but if a child does something bad then it's cruel & unacceptable? It's okay for mom to be cruel?

amother

↑ Tan ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 7:08 pm

amother Slategray wrote:

So suddenly everyone else's teens are easy? Do you really think that those of us with 5+ teens, they're all easy?

amother

Tealblue ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 7:18 pm

amother OP wrote:

Offer advice. But talk nicely. Don't diagnose people. Don't bash them as a human being. Dont ask scathing questions about their existance as a parent. Recommend they change their perspective. But limit advice and opinions to the issue at hand and not on the person's entire identity. Recognize that every person has flaws and some things sound much worse out of context.

im sorry its not nasty to point out that when someone does something extreme it's time for reflection. WHY?? why is everybody so against looking inward instead of blaming all their problems on everybody else???? maybe there is something YOU can do that will change things!!! yes you are powerful!
sometimes validation is not the answer.

mommy3b2c ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 7:21 pm

amother Bellflower wrote:

The ABC of trauma is how its perceived. Maybe we should just stop making everything into "trauma"?

ETA I take that back. I just read the other thread and I am.horrified. no you don't have to be perfect not to tell your child that you want to smack her for pretty normal behavior! That's seriously abuse.

Normal behavior to make fun of your brother with a very embarrassing problem ? That’s cruel behavior .

amother

↑ Bellflower ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 7:22 pm

amother OP wrote:

Seriously the teenager on the other thread was not being cruel. She made a snide comment, big deal. What the mother responded was really over the top. Not ok.

How do you expect your children to behave if this is the way you talk to them? You know that you're the model here? You're the grownup. Seriously, are there women who are so self centered?

amother

↑ Bellflower ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 7:23 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

Normal behavior to make fun of your brother with a very embarrassing problem ? That’s cruel behavior .

How did she make fun of her brother?

And threatening to slap your teenager is ok in your book?

↑ mommy3b2c ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 7:23 pm

amother Darkblue wrote:

It’s not cruel to tell a bully that you want to punch them in the face. It’s an emotional reaction coming from watching the pain of another human . In this case even more painful because it’s the pain of your child caused by the pain of another child . That op did not say that she was right . She knew she was wrong . She knew she needed to apologize to her daughter .

↑ mommy3b2c ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 7:25 pm

amother Bellflower wrote:

How did she make fun of her brother?

And threatening to slap your teenager is ok in your book?

She made fun of him by commenting on the mirelax and humiliated and made him cry .

And I never said threatening to slap is ok . And the op herself did not say it was ok !
She was distraught by the whole situation .

amother

↑ Tealblue

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 7:26 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

Normal behavior to make fun of your brother with a very embarrassing problem ? That’s cruel behavior .

she did not make fun of her brother!!! did you even read the post???
she wiggled her eyebrows and said "next time u want to hide something from me you should hide it better" - this isn't a direct quote but more or less verbatim. How is this such a big deal??
ETA - yes, granted its not so nice as he heard, but this is a comment directed at her mommmm not her brother, shes showing she has power.. typical teen

amother

↑ Bellflower ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 7:28 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

Do you agree that there are occasions when it's ok to hit your child?

What behavior crosses that line for you? Eating traif? Mechalel Shabbos? Being chutzpadik to mother? Lying? Stealing?

If a teacher or Rebbe hits your child, if they are chutzpadik to them, is that ok?

Where do you draw the line?

It's funny how violence is suddenly ok, only because she made a snide comment, because in your book that's worse than all the things above?

amother

Plum

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 7:29 pm

Hi, I'm OP of that thread that's being referenced.
I will update what happened. It was an interesting twist and an even bigger lesson for me!

And here is my contribution to this thread:

Everything can be said in a nice way, including mussar. Smile

amother

↑ Bellflower ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 7:30 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

Oh so it's ok to say that if you're distraught?

Again where is the line?

Can I lash out at my kids if I had a hard day at work? Is that ok?

amother

↑ Bellflower ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 7:32 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

Yes it was a very human, normal comment to make. Seriously! Shes a teenager, not a Rebbetzin!

amother

↑ Diamond

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 7:35 pm

amother Bellflower wrote:

Yes it was a very human, normal comment to make. Seriously! Shes a teenager, not a Rebbetzin!

It is absolutely not normal to make fun of someone. My kids know this from toddler ages. They would never purposely do it to someone as teens. They know it's cruel. You don't need to be a rebbetzin to know that embarrassing someone is hurtful and an aveira.