When moms say “I just let her cry” 😤

amother

OP ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 1:42 pm

Why?? When an infant is crying in the middle of the night it means they need to be taken care of, not ignored!
This makes me so angry.
I get it, we’re all tired, overwhelmed, and we just want the baby to sleep through the night. But ignoring a crying baby is just cruel. I see this so many times on imamother and hear it in real life. Why do people think it’s ok to let their baby scream?
Why have babies if you’re just going to ignore them?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 1:43 pm

Oh and don’t get me started on sleep training. Putting your baby in the crib and then shutting the door and letting them scream for an hour is straight up abuse.
You’re not teaching them to sleep through the night, you’re teaching them that no one cares enough to bother coming to comfort them.

amother

Taupe ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 1:46 pm

Because people are complex. People have had different experiences. Some people would not be able to function if they were up with a crying baby. Some people feel it's better to let the child cry a few times and then get good sleep long term. Some people have spouses who do not allow them to go to crying babies.

Then you have people who feel that babies will give up and then know not to rely on mommy to come to her. I've heard even the older generation speak very strongly against letting babies cry.

Just for the record though, if you think that letting a baby cry will teach them that mommy is not reliable then you also have to understand that always picking them up will also spoil them. You can't give them a learning curve only one way.

Letting babies cry is not abuse, so let people do what is best for them. Not everything has an answer and not everything we do is ideal. People can be guilty but have no choice.

I'm not against crying it out but I see both sides.

amother

Steelblue ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 1:48 pm

amother Taupe wrote:

I just want to point out that you can't "spoil" a baby. Baby's were attached to us in the womb & are meant to be attached to us as babies as well.

amother

↑ Steelblue ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 1:49 pm

amother OP wrote:

This isn't the only method of sleep training. There are methods that do not involve crying.

amother

Babypink ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 1:49 pm

amother OP wrote:

really, most sleep training is not crying out. this is the biggest disservice to actual sleep training. Try 12 hours sleep by 12 weeks old. No crying it out and it works like a charm.

amother

↑ Taupe ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 1:50 pm

amother Steelblue wrote:

I just want to point out that you can't "spoil" a baby. Baby's were attached to us in the womb & are meant to be attached to us as babies as well.

I did not say that you can spoil babies. I said the logic can't work only one way when it's good for you.
If you can't teach it to be spoiled, then you can't teach it that mommy isn't reliable. It doesn't only work one way.

And if babies were meant to be physically connected to you after birth they would stay that way, come on.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 1:50 pm

amother Taupe wrote:

You cannot spoil a baby!!!! Most ridiculous excuse people make.

amother

↑ Taupe ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 1:51 pm

amother OP wrote:

You cannot spoil a baby!!!! Most ridiculous excuse people make.

When did I say that babies can be spoiled?

I said that the logic can't only work in one direction.
If you can't spoil a baby then you also can't teach it mommy isn't available.

amother

↑ Steelblue ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 1:52 pm

amother Taupe wrote:

You "teach" babies that mom is reliable & that mom won't ignore them. That's how it's supposed to be. Babies aren't supposed to be ignored.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 1:52 pm

amother Steelblue wrote:

This isn't the only method of sleep training. There are methods that do not involve crying.

Then gezunterheit do the methods that don’t involve crying. I was only referring to methods where people let the babies cry it out

amother

↑ Steelblue

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 1:53 pm

amother Taupe wrote:

When did I say that babies can be spoiled?

I said that the logic can't only work in one direction.
If you can't spoil a baby then you also can't teach it mommy isn't available.

Of course babies get to realize that mom is ignoring them. Ignoring a baby is not the opposite of spoiling a baby. We're supposed to take care of our babies & not ignore them. Taking care of babies doesn't make them spoiled.

amother

Garnet ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 1:55 pm

amother Taupe wrote:

If

letting baby cry = learning mommy will not respond to their needs

then

picking baby up = learning that mommy will respond to their needs

That would be the natural learning curve, as you put it. Not sure where you got the “spoiling” idea.

amother

↑ Taupe ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 1:55 pm

amother Steelblue wrote:

If you can teach a child to realize mom is not ignoring them you can also teach them how to get mom to come to them and spoil them.

Again, I never said I think either is being taught. I'm just referring to the logic.

amother

Starflower

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 1:55 pm

Because my baby doesn’t want anything that I can give him when he wakes up. He wants me to walk around with him or play with him the whole night. Which I can’t do. He’s not hungry. He doesn’t want a paci. He doesn’t want to be rocked or soothed. He doesn’t want to play on the floor while I lay on the couch. So I put him back in the crib to go back to sleep.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 1:56 pm

amother Taupe wrote:

When did I say that babies can be spoiled?

I said that the logic can't only work in one direction.
If you can't spoil a baby then you also can't teach it mommy isn't available.

These two aren’t the opposite of each other. Mommies are supposed to take care of their babies and babies become distressed when they cry and no one comes. Picking them up every time they cry isn’t spoiling them. In fact babies are healthier and have better development when they know mom is always taking care of them. Go read read up on some studies about babies who were held a lot or even worn in wraps on their mothers chests

imaima

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 1:56 pm

amother OP wrote:

She had thought she had a good sleep pattern going on so she ignored the baby hoping that would work