Is this an appropriate discussion?

amother

OP ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 7:52 am

We were guests for shabbos and the hosts were very crunchy. The table conversation kept turning into talking about foods, chemicals, what's wrong with these foods and those foods, and living and eating clean, food quantities and eating habits etc.
As someone who is not like that I felt very uncomfortable and judged.
I'm curious if you think this type of conversation is appropriate for table discussion or is it just me?

amother

Lavender

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 7:54 am

I think it’s very important and normal conversation. You are probably not like that because you don’t know about it. If you did know more, you might appreciate what they are saying

joker

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 7:55 am

It could be they were very judgemental. I once had a guest tell me they couldn't believe I don't recycle. It was kind of rude but I just smiled and said nope

imaima

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 7:56 am

amother OP wrote:

No not really but it sometimes happens in my home too. So ironic when I actually serve foods that happen to be „bad“. LOL

amother

Whitewash

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 7:56 am

It would be rude if you were hosting and they were disparaging the food you served.

Molly Weasley ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 7:56 am

amother OP wrote:

Trying to understand, how are you being judged? Did you make the food?

AhuvasIma ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 7:59 am

I bring that up all the time. There's no judgement on my part on what you're doing, you're probably clueless. But I think it's a great topic of discussion and one of my favorites.

amother

Springgreen ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 8:03 am

I would be extremely uncomfortable. And all of you who are disagreeing should take this as a PSA that you bringing this up in someone else’s home may very well make them uncomfortable!

Dolly Welsh

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 8:03 am

Boooring, and, not very Shabbos-y mentality.

I could see how you might feel a little judged, as they are passionate about this version of "the good way" and you aren't living that way.

Especially on Hanukkah.

↑ Molly Weasley

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 8:04 am

amother Springgreen wrote:

I would be extremely uncomfortable. And all of you who are disagreeing should take this as a PSA that you bringing this up in someone else’s home may very well make them uncomfortable!

Every topic can potentially make people uncomfortable.

And so unless you know that a particular topic is sensitive to the guest, it makes no sense to police your conversations that way.

amother

↑ Springgreen

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 8:07 am

Molly Weasley wrote:

Every topic can potentially make people uncomfortable.

And so unless you know that a particular topic is sensitive to the guest, it makes no sense to police your conversations that way.

OP said the conversation kept turning to this. So maybe have a little more variety in what you talk about. And pick up on social cues if the person doesn’t seem interested.

amother

Navy

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 8:08 am

Ouch!!
Yaa awkward or those judgy conversations are annoying… or when one of their kids didn’t fit into a school went otd and they go on & on and you barely lnow them, you only have a baby and just sit there nodding and feeling sorry for them, wanting the meal to end😬
Had that experience too, we got thru the meal and davened not to be invited back

MiracleMama

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 8:08 am

I'm pretty crunchy and into the clean eating. I think it's an okay topic of conversation. I think it's not okay to tell other people how to eat. So, okay to say, "seed oils are really unhealthy". Not okay to say, "You use seed oils? That's terrible! You should stop doing that if you care about your family's health."

I also think it's important to read a room. If everyone at the table isn't "into it" it's kind of rude to drone on and on about this. Best to move on to other topics. Parsha is always a good choice for the Shabbos table.

mha3484

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 8:11 am

Normal depends on how much time they spend talking about it. If its all you can talk about during a whole 2 hour meal then I would be super uncomfortable. Its a topic that inspires a lot of self righteousness and judgmentalism. This comes from someone who really appreciates healthy eating. I have been buying my toiletries at whole foods for as long as I can remember but I dont need to talk about it.

amother

Opal

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 8:12 am

I think it's rude when the guests aren't into that sort of thing.
It's a bit like going on and on about how bad vaccinations are, when they clearly know that you vaccinate. It's offensive imo.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 8:12 am

It felt very patronizing. I'm not sure if I'm explaining it right. They were speaking very judgementally about all of it.
I am actually very educated but there are other reasons why people are not eating perfectly clean or their entire life doesn't revolve around organic products etc.
I actually don't think I would ever have them in my home because it's clear that they think very lowly of peasants who don't prioritize clean lifestyle like they do.

essie14

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 8:13 am

If it's their own home I think it's fine.
It's not OK for a guest to bring up a topic which criticizes the hosts.

Raizle ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 8:16 am

mha3484 wrote:

This

Briefly coming up in conversation - normal

Major topic of discussion at the meal.- eh, I would think the person lacks substance of that's all they can talk about.

amother

Jade ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 8:19 am

It’s very socially off to drone on about any topic where it’s obvious the other party disagrees with you. Especially if they aren’t debating you, just quietly taking it; at least with a back and forth debate there are many people who would actually enjoy that on both sides.

This would apply whether they are the guests or the host.

I would decline future invitations.