Is this an appropriate discussion?

↑ zaq

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 12:50 pm

amother OP wrote:

This is going to sound like a strange analogy but I felt like I was in the presence of Evangelists.

Not strange analogy at all but the perfect one. When a person gets all full of fire about a way of life, usually a complete opposite of what they were doing before, we call it "finding religion" and their talk is full of "missionary zeal." This is true of many ex-smokers, dieters,recovering alcoholics, exercise fanatics, and, yes, the newly religious.

Success10

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 12:56 pm

My issue with conversations like this is that I have a religion. It’s called Judaism. Part of Judaism is venishmartem, but I also have to split my energies between all the rest of the 613. So guarding my health is a means to an end, my greater avodas Hashem. But people like this make it sound like the healthy lifestyle is their ultimate avodah, a religion unto itself.

↑ watergirl

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 12:56 pm

AhuvasIma wrote:

I get that. But what I mean is, I just feel like they are a tinok shenishbah, so I'm not judging why they are making these decisions. I understand it's what they know, any I do me and you do you.

See here's the thing. You are assuming you need to teach us poor folk who just don't know any better. You don't need to. And we don't want you to. Bring up the topic as you want to, considering you said you love talking about it and you bring it up often. But pay attention to the people around you. If you are with like-minded people, great! If not, leave it alone. Find other things to talk about. Just like with any other topic, it's socially off to keep talking about something the other person does not care about.

I have a few people in my life who are crunchy and it's so annoying, I avoid meals with them. I can't deal with it. No different than the people in my life who won't stop talking about politics, I avoid them also. I have a friend who won't stop gossiping about people, I avoid meals with her also.

So just know, people may be avoiding you if you won't leave it be.

I had an ex-sister in law who used to come to my house when I was married to her brother and she'd go through my fridge and cabinet and tell me off for what I had. Then come Pesach, who did she want to eat by? ME. Because I had all the good stuff. Go figure. I could not stand her.

amother

Pearl

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 1:38 pm

I'm all for healthy eating, but I'm also into being normal. And I believe that going to any extreme is never good, in any area. So I will buy healthier food in general, but I still have other foods around. I don't have the time or energy to focus on making my own toothpaste, cheese or any other food I can buy easily in the store.
I do find that people who are very passionate about this subject can come across a little strongly. I don't care whether you think I am ignorant and are doing all the wrong things for the environment or for my children. This is my life and I can make the informed choices I make. It's a bit like my cousin who when they were a new bt, they were so passionate about judaism and all the things they had just learnt. And they were a little overwhelming looking over my shoulder and commenting about how they had there was a better way of doing that, and didn't you know you need to check x, and you really should do it differently, and on and on. And I politely said that this is the way I'm doing it and asked for no comments.
Reading the room and the people you are talking to, is an important skill. People need to look at whether the discussion they are having is one others are interested in. Respect that other people can make other choices and it can also be valid.

amother

Firethorn

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 2:15 pm

I wouldn't call the topic problematic. It's an interesting topic, there's a lot to be said, and the points are valid (fwiw I'm a lot more crunchy in theory than in practice for various reasons. So no, it isn't always about ignorance). However, ANY topic gets annoying whenever it veers into evangelism. So it's not the topic that was the problem, it was the evangelism.

↑ Raizle ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 4:35 pm

amother Jade wrote:

It’s very socially off to drone on about any topic where it’s obvious the other party disagrees with you. Especially if they aren’t debating you, just quietly taking it; at least with a back and forth debate there are many people who would actually enjoy that on both sides.

This would apply whether they are the guests or the host.

I would decline future invitations.

Agree

↑ Raizle ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 4:40 pm

amother OP wrote:

It was brought in to every conversation the entire shabbos. Somehow something was about big pharma trying to kill us and we need to eat this or that or have this supplement or not use something and then life will be perfect.
This is going to sound like a strange analogy but I felt like I was in the presence of Evangelists.
In my opinion the bringing it up in other contexts didn't bother me as much as discussing it while we are all trying to enjoy a shabbos meal.

I think the posters telling you it's normal are missing the point that it was the entire time and sounds like it dominated the conversation.

It's socially off to allow your passions to dominate and be the theme of any social interaction. It doesn't allow room for other people's interests or show that you are showing an interest in getting to know something about them or what they are interested in..

Last edited by Raizle on Thu, Jan 02 2025, 4:48 pm; edited 1 time in total

↑ bookstore15

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 4:41 pm

zaq wrote:

Hahahahaha! Not at all. It's a popular term for people who are into health, nature, and the environment. Similar to "tree-hugger" with less emphasis on ecology and more on lifestyle. Probably coined because natural foods contain more fiber, hence "crunch," than highly processed foods. (Though granola actually crunches less than Fritos.)

I guess I learned a new word!

↑ Raizle

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 4:45 pm

zaq wrote:

I've heard the term granola mom too. But granola is full of sugar!!!!

amother

Almond ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 6:42 pm

Many people have their obsessions. My father is into his crazy conspiracy theories (not about politics, about why so and so didn't come on time to shul and if the hatzola ambulance he saw going in the direction of that person's house (as well as 10,000 other frum yiddens homes) meant that maybe his wife was sick because he saw their son in law dropping off a bag on erev shabbos and maybe......2+2+2= Can't Believe It

My mother believes all sugar is evil but that only sucrose is sugar so if she uses honey or silan then it is 100%sugar free and OK for her diabetic friends.
She doesn't understand carbs.

My close friends mom holds that the only edible food is that from her mother's ancient recipe book from 1910 and makes the same food every shabbos for the last 60 years. Including the same salad, veg and challah from the same store. The store almost closed down over covid and she was beyond despair.

Another friend lectures us about co-sleeping and that it is the only way to be. Her kids only leave her bed when they can get up and move voluntarily to their own bed in another room. Her 1.5 year old just moved out so her 6 year old moved back to sleep with her. Her dh is so into gourmet food that he takes a private chef on vacation with them ( our only v wealthy friends) and my mouth is usually Surprised

Everyone is mad in their own way. I think they all have valid points (I'm a co sleeping fan, I like to eat healthy and avoid sugar and I am a bit nosy when someone isn't in shul) - this is some of the fun in life.

Dh and I have the best time walking home on shabbos after some of the more outrageous meals just crying with laughter about how crazy it all got. Like when my mil told us that we couldn't imagine the hardships her friends granddaughter had who waited 12 months to have their first (we waited 10 years). You just have to store up the ridiculous crazy for enjoyment later. X

I do have some normal friends and family BTW.

simplified1

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 8:10 pm

Someone’s topic that bother us tend to stem from our own insecurities. I would be annoyed if they discussed it in a judgemental way too. However , sometimes we feel judged as soon as a topic arises that we feel insecure about . I find in general, “ when things change inside me , things change around me” . To explain this , when I’m healthier inside and feel good , I feel less judged less triggered and shrug things off. But when I’m not in the best place , I tend to feel judge and get annoyed by topics and people easily . I’m not trying to say this is you. Just sometimes looking inside versus what everyone else is doing wrong is more productive . Im not saying it was right , we just won’t change others and people unfortunately will be insensitive all the time weather it’s intentional or not. Just a food for thought ….

amother

Heather

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 9:47 pm

I find this a bit close to home. We eat that way. My dh loves to go on like that about it ad nauseum Puke

(even though these ideas come from me not him) like your hosts and it is so embarrassing embarrassed

. It is socially off to go on like that unless you the guests wanted to talk about it and were asking. To me, I like being normal, nobody who doesn't ask needs me to tell them all the information behind my cholent recipe.

Now, a caveat, if they are very much brand new to these ideas themselves, there is a honeymoon period where they want to share it with everyone. I could forgive that. And I doubt they were judging you, its more like I can't believe this gold I just found, you have to get it.