Do some people not share their due date?

imaima

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 5:54 pm

amother Feverfew wrote:

Wow, didn't know it was a thing to consider due dates private! Now I'm wondering should I be embarrassed I told my yeshivish (female) boss my exact due date?? I had no clue that in some circles it's private info! So curious as to why. I get the pressuring thing so Im not questioning that, but I'm wondering why it would be private? Is it because it's calculated based on conception which is hinting that you conceived?

It’s different with a boss.

amother

Impatiens

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 5:57 pm

amother Sage wrote:

Chiming in as another person who doesn't share her due date but rather the approximate timing. I think I am more surprised that it took you this long to come across this (in my circles, very common!) behavior.

In my circles people don't tell an exact date but everyone still asks "when are you due" and the assumption is that you'll reply with an approximate timing. I've never seen anyone get snarky over the question because it's an accepted thing to ask. What circle is it where it's an offensive question?

amother

Firethorn ↓

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 6:28 pm

No due date is precise anyway, it is approximate and no one expects you to have the baby on that date.

All my family and friends do it differently- the more chariedi the less precise.

One of dh's friends announced that they are due to have a boy in x months.

My sil (who lives a 12 hour flight away and we never see, and they don't use zoom or video calls so telephone calls only) waits for people to work it out based on her appearance. So never tells anyone. I once found out she was 9 month /baby due any day and didnt even know she was expecting from a friend who was in contact with my sil's neighbor. She isn't estranged from us, she is just really private and obviously if you don't ever see someone then you can't guess. I also once only found out because they sent us a family photo from a simcha and she was obviously very large.

My norm would be not to reveal gender if you find out and to give an approximate time frame like just before x yomtov.

For work it depends on your company.

amother

Lemonchiffon

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 6:31 pm

amother Banana wrote:

It was a boy, and yes!
We share a birthday:)
And if anyone is curious on the statistics of it, it’s a .012% chance, or 1 in 8,230!

Hey, I have the same. I share a birthday with my son. I think of it as fascinating!

amother

Oatmeal

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 6:33 pm

Made this mistake with my first baby and told my boss and coworkers I'm due Feb 7. Baby was born Feb 18 and boy did they harass me every day.

One baby's due date was literally the date of a siblings wedding so I told the other side. They didn't care and I missed the wedding.

Other than that, my due date is just not your business. Especially if you go late like me.

amother

Taupe

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 8:21 pm

amother Raspberry wrote:

My sil makes up random things and tells people in the family "December" then "no I said february." "Really it's january" pretty sure she's off so I just don't ask her anymore

sounds like she just doesn’t want to share her due date. in future what she should say is I’m due when I’m due and ppl will take the hint tht she doesn’t want to share. and she doesn’t need to

amother

Daphne ↓

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 8:22 pm

A due date does have one meaning: that your LMP was 40 weeks before it.(unless it was adjusted based on u/s measurement.) It feels weird to be indirectly giving that information to random people for no purpose.

tweety1 ↓

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 9:01 pm

There are 3 people who know my due date. Dr, myself and dh. The rest I say around the time. If it's a week after pesach suring or right before I say pesach time, dd was born a week before shvous I said lag b'omer time, etc

amother

↑ Raspberry

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 9:03 pm

amother Rainbow wrote:

You’d be right if she would respect my privacy as well. But she gossips about the whole world at the shabbos table with guests… always grilled me about my due dates and finances etc…

So when she told me she was pregnant and looked like she was in the 6 month I replied the same way she had done to me..

But that’s how she is. Her daughter will beg my daughter to tell her what mark she got and then when my daughter asks in return what did you get, she says I don’t say.

Some people are just weird. Don’t do unto others what you don’t want done to you. So if you don’t want to say, then don’t ask others.

This one is a pathological liar in many areas.. this particular lie was funny because you can give an approximate and be off by a month but by an entire trimester just made her look like a clown. In my opinion.

Edited

Hello sister in law 👋 😂😂😂

care4u

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 9:21 pm

amother Impatiens wrote:

This.

amother

Wisteria ↓

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 9:31 pm

amother Sage wrote:

I’m confused, what is so private about a due date?

amother

↑ Watermelon

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 9:32 pm

amother Wisteria wrote:

I’m confused, what is so private about a due date?

It’s just private. Why does everyone need to know?

You may feel otherwise but I would like to keep it private.

amother

Vermilion

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 12:07 am

With some very frum people I am afraid they won't understand the loazi date, or they will judge me for not knowing the Hebrew date, so then I will just say "early summer" or "a little before Hanukkah", etc

amother

Acacia

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 12:15 am

I say approximate. My MIL asked me a bunch of times for the actual date and I just don’t understand why she wants to know. It doesn’t mean the baby will be born then! And anyway the time I told her is more accurate because IYH I am getting induced for medical reasons. I just don’t want to tell her this and then she’ll want to know what medical reasons etc etc

amother

Lime

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 12:23 am

I avoid talking about pregnancy altogether and for those that are pesky enough to circle back to the topic when I changed it I just give them a random date. Like I was due in December and told them pesach time.
Yes, they know it already and stopped asking questions. It’s a great way to get nosy people to back off you for life.
Following pregnancy didn’t have half as many family members meddling. Beautiful experience not to have to answer to everyone and their cousin.

↑ tweety1

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 12:30 am

amother Acacia wrote:

My mother also always tries to get the due date out of me. Each time with a different fantastic excuse why she must know. The same baby she can ask 3 times. I just don't tell her. Nobody's business but dh and mine.

amother

↑ OP

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 12:39 am

fyi, to clarify the op, the snarky response I received when asking what I thought was a perfectly normal and innocuous question was "it'll come when it comes" or something to that effect. it wasn't even a vague time period. I didn't press further, because I didn't really care; it was just small talk and if they were taken aback by the question, so be it.

this person was haredi, and I'm more MO. judging from this thread, it seems that more right wing types are more reluctant to discuss due dates.

that being said, I don't get why people are using the "the due date doesn't mean anything, it's just a calculation" line as a reason not to share the due date. anyone who's had kids - women and men - knows the due date doesn't mean the baby is going to be born that date and there's a wide range of possibilities before and after. if the due date is meaningless, then all the more reason not to be secretive about it.

in my circles, nobody's asking your due date to be nosy or judge you. it's just normal small talk and a perfectly normal and innocuous question to ask someone.