Do you tell your kids how much you are tipping?

amother

↑ Cyan ↓

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 11:42 am

I don’t understand this concept of “kids shouldn’t talk about money”. What if they do? In my house kids talk about whatever they feel like. We don’t have this kind of parenting. At what point do your kids suddenly get permission to know about money? At 9? 10? 13? 18?

Kids ask, they’re curious, we answer matter of fact.

How much did our house cost?
About 900,000.
Wow! Is that a lot?
Yes, but house cost a lot of money! That’s why we need to be thankful.

How much is on the envelope?
Around 200.
Does everyone bring that amount?
Everyone gives what they feel like.

Why can’t you buy the newer model scooter?
Because it’s a lot of money.
How much?
Around 300.
You don’t have 300$?
I do but it’s not wise to spend that amount on a scooter when there are perfectly good cheaper ones.

amother

↑ Cyan ↓

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 11:49 am

amother Tiffanyblue wrote:

Your kids might not.
So they share.
And hurt my kids who already feel different because of the hand-me-downs and no vacation or whatever.

Why do you need to share? It can hurt other kids.

Like I said, my kid wouldn’t brag in school, because he doesn’t see money that way. It’s matter of fact. This is how money is handled in our house. Not something to be proud of. Not something to yearn for.

As a kid I don’t remember ever talking about how much money we tipped with our friends. We all just brought envelopes and plopped it on the teachers desk. Kids don’t see money like we do.

amother

↑ Junglegreen

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 12:05 pm

amother Cyan wrote:

There’s no topic that you and your husband discuss that you don’t want your kids to be a part of? Is there truly no difference between what kids and adults talk about?

News? Do they need to know about what happened in New Orleans today? The downed plane in Ukraine? The woman who was burned alive last week on the train? the rape trial in France?

Shul Politics? Why was the assistant Rabbi let go? Which of the 3 try outs did we like best?

Neighbors/friends: So and so just got diagnosed with cancer. So and so had a miscarriage. So and so lost his job. So and so xyz

Natural disasters: do you tell them all about the flooding and earthquakes and wildfires and tornadoes in the world at any given time?

Family issues: BIL not dating that girl anymore. SIL had chupas Niddah. Cousin got divorced. Other cousin adopted a baby

So you really feed your kids all the information that passes in front of you every day?

amother

↑ Cyan ↓

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 12:39 pm

amother Junglegreen wrote:

We don’t feed information, we answer their questions and concerns. I’m more curious how you shelter your kids from all of the above. Do you keep them locked in the house? Are they very young?

Interesingly my kids (11 and younger) know about many things on your list.

My son saw photos of the downed plane on the cover of a newspaper.

Ma how did this plane crash?
It was a very rare accident. It’s scary, right? Luckily this is a very rare and unheard of occurrence. That’s why everyone is talking about it. Planes are actually very safe.

Ta, why were all the men arguing loudly in shul?
They were trying to figure out when to begin the yom tov tefillas. Some people wanted earlier.
Were they angry?
Not really, that’s just how an argument sometimes looks. It’s ok.

Ma, someone said the neighbor is in the hospital. Why?
I heard she’s sick nebech. That’s really sad, right?
Yeah….
Let’s have in mind when we daven.

Why is it smoky outside?
There’s a wildfire a few miles from here.
What is a wildfire?
…….
….

Why is cousin Sam not attending the simcha, only aunt sally?
They decided to live separately.
Why?
This sometimes happens when a couple is not happy when they live together.
Will you and Ta ever separate?
No way, I love Ta too much! Even when we argue, I still want him to close to us!

I remember when my kids realized for the first time that the 9/11 attacks were purposeful .

Ma is it true that those plans crashed in on purpose???
Yes! It sounds crazy, no?
Why would those guys do it?
They were crazy people, not like the regular folks.
But they knew they would die! They were willing to die???
Yes! That’s how crazy they were! Luckily we now have safer measure to prevent it.

amother

Mint

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 12:51 pm

I ask dc which teacher, counselor, staff member they especially would like to recognize. I give the recommended amount to all of the staff members and a little extra to the ones that stands out in DC's mind as extra special.
I don't discuss the amount with the child.

I try to model hakoras hatov for my kids to see in general- saying thank you, giving a donation after a call to hatzolah, writing a note of appreciation, complementing an employee to a manager. I don't think they need to know specific amounts to learn hakoras hatov.

amother

↑ Tiffanyblue

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 1:09 pm

amother Cyan wrote:

How much does the Rebbi or Rav earn a year? (Assuming you have access to that information)

ShishKabob

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 7:48 pm

My kids always ask. And I tell them that it's a lot of money in cash and that they should make sure to give it over right away and not to lose it chas vshalom.
I don't tell them. It's not their information to have.
Just like I don't tell them how much tuition I pay either. I don't tell them how much my rent is or how much the electricity bill is. I do tell them that it costs a lot of money and that they need to be careful.
And we are very conscious with money and I explain to them how much things cost. This is a totally different concept.
When we go to the grocery I point out the prices and show them how much the ice cream small tub that I go them cost. They are shocked when they find out its $4.49 each. I show them how much each super snack costs and that they should appreciate what we buy them and be careful not to waste it.
They can also use their own money to supplement if they want a fancier nosh or something.
There are ways to convey to kids how much money things cost without telling them how much you tip the Rebbe or how much you make in a year and how much more your expenses are than your income.
I mean, how is that teaching them anything besides for fostering anxiety?

amother

Wheat

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 8:02 pm

I don't tell my kids how much I tip. I hand them envelopes labeled. The act of tipping is a gesture of hakaras hatov. I dont give a lot generally. Rebbe gets 20 and daily tutor gets 10. In the summer when tips are their salary I give the amount suggested. One school charged 36 for chanuka gelt and I thought that was a lot. I discuss money with my kids though. How much different items cost, how much we have in the bank. I dont deprive them of basics but I do think financial awareness is important once they start to make their own money. My 11 year old will be working this summer so it is time.