Do you tell your kids how much you are tipping?

amother

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 6:17 am

My children always want to know how much money there's in the envelope when I send tips.

I feel it's inappropriate to share since I feel they will measure their rebbe's/teacher's value accordingly.

I give as much as I can afford according to age and hours the kids spend with each teacher or rebbe. I don't think they should know.

amother

Hosta

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 6:23 am

Absolutely not their business
For so many reasons
Your finances aren’t their business
The teacher's gift amount isn’t their business
Anything sent in a sealed envelope from one adult to another isn’t their business

amother

Obsidian ↓

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 6:37 am

It's innappropriate for children to ask how much things cost or how much tips are. It's good to teach children to not overspend, but not in an obnoxious way.

amother

NeonBlue

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 6:42 am

amother Obsidian wrote:

It's innappropriate for children to ask how much things cost or how much tips are. It's good to teach children to not overspend, but not in an obnoxious way.

Slightly disagree. I want my kids to know how much things cost. I want them to start building some sense of how much life costs and to understand what it means to start budgeting. It’s important for them to get a sense of how to figure out what your spending priorities are and that we push ourselves to spend money on what is right and what is important not just what is fun and exciting. How else are they supposed to know how to do these things when they are grownups if we don’t start exposing them when they are younger to our value system? I don’t mean they need to know a specific dollar amount but yes, I do want my kids to know that I Give generously to support their teachers because that is my ethical responsibility

amother

Honey

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 6:55 am

amother Obsidian wrote:

It's innappropriate for children to ask how much things cost or how much tips are. It's good to teach children to not overspend, but not in an obnoxious way.

I never tell how much I tip.
But what do you mean about not telling kids costs? They shouldn't ask what a gift someone gave them cost but I otherwise share what things in stores etc cost. It's important for kids to understand that money is finite, there is a cost benefit analysis to purchases and if I buy A I can't always buy B. Even if I had the money for it I may not feel it is worth it, it is in our budget etc.

amother

↑ Obsidian ↓

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 6:57 am

amother Honey wrote:

It's not in our budget is not the same as discussing the costs of shoes. A child who discusses the cost of shoes needs a smack. It's disgusting. Children are not adults. You can teach being frugal and buying in budget without discussing the exact cost. Older teens can discuss exact amount, but of course never in a snobby way.

amother

Salmon

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 6:59 am

amother Obsidian wrote:

Needs a smack?

amother

Junglegreen ↓

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 7:54 am

Grateful that our school does it electronically. They have a set amount that they suggest per teacher ($5) I send a small additional gift as a token with a card.

amother

cornflower

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 8:06 am

If that's how you feel them don't tell them.
My 10 year old asked me this year. I told him that I am so grateful to his Rebbi that I wanted to give him a very nice amount. I told him how much and that he shouldn't tell anyone.
I was unsure if it's appropriate but in the scope of chinuch I don't think it's such a big deal. Do whatever feels right to you.

amother

Cyan ↓

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 8:22 am

Yes, if they ask.

They usually don’t.

But once or twice my son asked

mom is this money?
Yup!
How much?
About two hundred dollars.
Wow!
See? We really appreciate your rebbi, he takes such good care of you!

So many rigid parents around here. Why is everything dramatic with many of you?

amother

↑ Obsidian

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 8:25 am

amother Cyan wrote:

Nothing is dramatic. Children aren't supposed to talk about money, or having babies or adult things. That is what keeps them children. Children are supposed to be children and children who don't act like children are obnoxious. A calm, quiet child is very pleasant and not dramatic.

amother

Tiffanyblue ↓

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 8:34 am

amother Cyan wrote:

Until your son asks my son how much I give.
And my son comes home screaming Moishys mother gives $200 to the Rebbi, we need to give at least $250, no wonder Moishy was the Lunch Boy twice last month, and Rebbi always calls on him and never on me and Totty is so stupid that he can't own a nursing home like Moishys.
You can just stay quiet and not tell your son, at least until he's truly old enough not to talk (over 16 at least)

amother

↑ Cyan ↓

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 8:35 am

amother Tiffanyblue wrote:

My kids don’t think that way bh. They don’t see money as a competition. They’re not jealous. They don’t really understand the concept of bribing yet. It’s fine. You’re all overthinking it.

I feel like the only ones making this into a competition thing are you who keep it secret and dramatic. Money is not taboo in my house. Neither is it something we crave. It just is.

amother

↑ Tiffanyblue ↓

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 8:38 am

amother Cyan wrote:

Your kids might not.
So they share.
And hurt my kids who already feel different because of the hand-me-downs and no vacation or whatever.

Why do you need to share? It can hurt other kids.