Talking to your kids

amother

OP ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 6:35 pm

The past few years have been very difficult for us financially. Both my husband and I are employed FULL time and work a ton of hours but we are in that small percentage I guess that doesn’t qualify for any government support. Between our mortgage and tuition (which we get a scholarship for) we are barely cutting even. We had a few instances over the past few years that set us back as well in terms of overwhelming debt (medical debt, unexpected tax debt, etc)
We always managed to do fun things on a very low budget, but now that one child in particular (5th grade daughter) is wanting what is considered basic, how can we explain that we literally CANNOT do anything big over winter break, for example, or just buy her a different pair of boots that she likes because she doesn’t like the ones she has. Literally, it’s not even about going away on an overnight trip...we literally can pay our electric bill OR do a museum/family day trip when they’re off from school later this month
I can’t imagine I’m in this boat alone. I don’t want her to worry, but I want her to understand a little bit. I also don’t want her to feel like an nebach. Any advice????

amother

Honey

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 6:57 pm

for expensive non-necessary items: you have good boots, mommy doesn't think it's necessary (it's a waste of money) to buy new ones. (Does she have birthday money she can buy them on her own? I had my son contribute to expensive sneakers he wanted).
Trips -- if you're in NYC, look into going to museums, etc, on free days or you can use your Brooklyn public library card if you book in advance to certain museums. look it up NOW to book for a few weeks from now.

amother

Dill

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 7:03 pm

No don’t share finances she’s too young and it’ll stress her out having her worry about things that she shouldn’t have to
If you tell her you can’t afford diff shoes how will she feel when her uniform is too small she’ll worry you can’t replace that either

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 7:08 pm

amother Honey wrote:

No, she really doesn’t have birthday money to contribute. I was giving the boots as an example. For the most part she’s okay with what she has. I do not live in NYC but when I did we did everything free! It’s really hard to coordinate a trip like that at this time. And we would have to travel into the city as well which is an added expense, either now with tolls and congestion pricing and parking or taking public transportation. So nothing is totally absolutely free. I don’t mean to talk about difficulty with finances, but I was hoping for advice on how to come up with a reason why we absolutely cannot go on an overnight trip or go to an indoor water park, or go to a restaurant.

amother

Blonde

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 7:19 pm

I would try to see if you could a lot some amount of money to pick one thing that she might want to do. It's important that they feel that they are doing something during vacation even if it's not very big or grand. Maybe you can cut out something else this month to allow for 100 on entertainment?
Like serve a few cheaper dinners or cut back on other things somehow? I know your probably already doing that but try to see were in the budget you can come up with 100$..
We have done hotels for many yrs as a pretty cheap getaway. Try to find a cheap hotel and it's a little getaway with a pool! And she feels like she " went" somewhere.

amother

↑ OP

Thu, Jan 02 2025, 7:30 pm

amother Blonde wrote:

Unfortunately due to other family obligations at the moment we aren’t able to be away from
Home now with both my husband and myself and I cannot take a few little ones (toddler, preschooler) to a hotel pool alone. It’s a difficult situation all around.
We really cannot cut out another thing this month, believe me we’ve tried. I only have fleishigs on shabbos, we live on mostly pasta and scrambled eggs all week. There’s only so much we can cut back on. We do need to pay our babysitter so I can go to work to begin with.