Rosh chodesh sweaters -highschool girls

amother

↑ Amaryllis

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 12:52 pm

amother Peony wrote:

This is definitely not coming from any mothers.
There is social pressure to not rewear the same sweater. This is a double pressure on a double RC, which makes it even more difficult.
Not everyone has the required sweater in their closet and so they need to go out and buy.

So its the girls themselves who are putting this very ridiulous pressure for a new sweater every month.
If parents say no, what a concept, really, that they w8ll not be buying a new sweater every month, it will have no choice but to stop.

↑ thatworn

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 12:56 pm

Hashem_Yaazor wrote:

While some of it might be peer pressure, a lot might be a girl's personal lack of confidence.
My ninth grader was stressing over what to wear to Bnos convention because she already wore her favorite outfits to school Shabbaton. Now, her local friends have seen all her winter clothing as we live in a small community. Her non local ones weren't with her on the school Shabbaton. She was worrying about some older local high school girls who maybe don't see her every Shabbos seeing (and remembering?!) her repeated outfits.
I tried reasonably explaining to her that no one but her sees, remembers, and cares what she wears, but it's hard for a girl just breaking into high school to accept that that's reality.
I think she'll be fine at the convention even without buying new clothing but my point is that it was a self imposed stress. Are these girls stressed about the sweater in older grades, or just younger ones?
My 11th grader would gladly wear the same thing every chance she could, but she's not only more self-confident, but she's also not really interested in shopping 😉

I see this with my two older girls also. One seems much less pressured about fitting in. For sure she doesn't want to stand out in the crowd as being glaringly different, but she doesn't have the intense feelings of neeeeeeeding whatever everyone else has and worrying about who will see what she has and remember every detail about the last outfit she wore, etc.

amother

Moccasin ↓

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 12:58 pm

amother Peony wrote:

It’s a school rule that you need to wear a different sweater on RC. It’s considered socially unacceptable to wear the same one and the girls wear a new one each RC. This creates a lot of pressure and stress for the girls and it’s completely unnecessary and easily avoidable.

I’ve heard from a lot of mothers of teens how stressful this has been.

I wish schools were more in touch with the teens that they teach.

Is it really socially unacceptable though? I promise you that if a normal, with it girl wore the same sweater as 2 rosh chodesh’s
ago absolutely nothing would happen to her socially. And the next Rosh Chodesh, more girls would be re-wearing.

amother

↑ Moccasin ↓

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 1:01 pm

amother Peony wrote:

It’s the schools fault to lack the intuition and understanding to not create more opportunities for stress with the girls.

To me it’s quite obvious how this would be a recipe for disaster for so many girls.

The girls who have endless clothes with be fine and the girls who socially don’t care or are clueless will be fine.
But many girls caught in the middle with tight finances yet are socially adept are stressed about this.

And it’s completely not necessary. It’s so easy to change.

You keep repeating similar things in the thread but I’m telling you that you’ve gotten yourself
too much into the teenage pressure mindset (or perhaps you’ve never gotten out of it and that’s how you live your life). Absolutely nothing negative will happen to a socially with-it girl who re-wears confidently. Don’t believe me? Try it and see. In fact, all it would take is one confident popular girl to announce in the first rosh chodesh and this is her official road chodesh sweater and she’ll be wearing it every month. Boom. The “need” will disappear. You’ve built up a calamity in your head if what will happen but with the right confidence it doesn’t have to be that way.

amother

↑ Moccasin ↓

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 1:05 pm

amother Peony wrote:

Your daughter senses your stress about her being “socially off” and you’ve passed it on to her. Do you live your own life the same way? Are you terrified of stepping a toe out of line? If you open your eyes you’ll realize there are people all around you who don’t conform to every single silly social rule and they’re still normal and doing just fine. And they’re “socially accepted”.

amother

↑ Peony

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 1:31 pm

amother Moccasin wrote:

Not at all. I have more than one daughter and they are very confident and well liked. You’re well intentioned but off base here with your remarks.

amother

Floralwhite

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 2:02 pm

I just wore the sweaters I owned that I wore on Sundays, motzai shabbos, vacation. I did not buy anything special for RC. I went to a BY school with a vastly wealthier crowd than any school in Lakewood, to give some context of where I am coming from. Lots of girls wore very expensive clothing but I wore my regular clothing, definitely rewore items to various school events, and somehow managed not to be a pariah. My parents raised me to be confident and ok with what I had even when other people had more. My siblings and I were all very successful in school like this. I think many are overstating the consequences of not giving in to every trend.

amother

↑ Jade

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 2:24 pm

amother Anemone wrote:

Whoever said they had this in brooklyn growing up, must have gone to Machon. Thats the only school I can recall that did this. And I remember hearing the pressure from machon girls 20 years ago. But this wasnt a brooklyn thing across the board. And PPY let you wear shabbos clothing.

BH my girls in Brooklyn HS dont have this.

Yes I went to Machon

↑ Bnei Berak 10 ↓

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 2:27 pm

amother Peony wrote:

The social pressure of not to rewear an item MUST STOP. It's just beyond insane. Even royals rewear their items.
Then school together with parents should put a stop to this.

↑ Bnei Berak 10

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 2:38 pm

thatworn wrote:

Re: wearing your uniform on RC.
Yeah, it is socially off if no one else is doing it.
In my country we have something called "mufty day" when students do not wear uniform and for the privilege of not wearing uniform, they give in a donation to charity. I heard about this girl from another school who decided there was too much fashion/competition and she was not buying into it and she dafka wore her uniform one mufty day and she was the talk of the town.
It is very hard to be the one doing something different. Unless you actually want to be the one who stands out (and there's nothing wrong with that at all, just it's not what most people want.)

The girl who wore her uniform that day reminds me of Jenny and Hadassah on Purim in the book The sacrifice of Tamar (by Naomi Ragen) and the revenge Hadassah takes on her mother by not wearing the extremely elaborate beaded costume she got Smile

What a story

groisamomma

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 2:48 pm

amother Navyblue wrote:

I live in Lakewood and I have a high school dd. I have never heard of such a thing!
In fact, my dd school has a rule that no other sweaters other than the school sweater can be worn

I put 3 kids through the Lakewood h.s. system and never heard of this.

As a kid in Boro Park we did it in 9the grade but halfway through the year we just all gave it up. It was dumb.

amother

Turquoise

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 3:00 pm

I have older daughters who graduated high school over 5 years ago and do not remember this pressure with them. Then I have my boys, followed by my current ninth grader.
I feel like she is in a totally different generation from her big sisters with SO much more social pressure. Doing Chanukah carpool you see all the girls exiting school wearing the same black coats! I am the last person to follow trends but I can see how a girl really can’t wear anything else (not even referring to expensive brands)!

My daughter has been wearing her school sweater on RC. When asked why she doesn’t wear one of her other pretty ones she told me that only Polo sweaters are acceptable. Since I haven’t spent $148 on a sweater for my 14 year old (and yes, she told me that she’d really need several to wear a different one each RC) she’s forced to stick with her uniform. Okayyy.

She had to wear Shabbos clothes to school Melave Malka. The amount of pressure and tears….. Apparently a friend from a different school told her that everyone wears long elegant black dresses, which my daughter doesn’t have. I was ready to let her buy something since she only got 1 new dress for Succos (most of last year’s Shabbos clothes fit) but she couldn’t find anything. More tears.

I was very proud when, after the melave Malka, she commented that girls were mainly looking at each other’s clothing to see if they themselves fit in!

In eighth grade there was an event at a teacher’s house. The day before they were told that they needed to wear their uniforms. I’m guessing mothers complained about the pressure. The girls complained bitterly but I’m sure many were secretly relieved.

I remember being a teen was HARD! but I don’t think it was nearly as hard for me (in the 1990s!!) as it is in 2025.