S/O RC sweaters | Imamother

amother

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 12:51 pm

I see a lot of women just saying its a girl problem or a mother problem.

That's true.

But I'm starting to wonder in general. Do you feel like you understand your daughter's pressure? Do you think your daughter's teacher's do?

My daughter was suffering from extreme social anxiety in 7th, 8th, etc
In one of the parent meetings with her therapist, the therapist pointed out how important it is for a parent to really try to understand from the child's point of view. That didn't mean give in. But understand what they're facing and not just brush it away by claiming "this generation" or "gashmius". Or whatever.
But to deeply feel what it would mean to show up the first day of school when everyone is wearing long uniform skirts and you're the only one wearing knee length.

But I started noticing that often times, teachers also can't understand the pressure. They expect girls to filter out but they don't really understand 2025.

thatworn

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 12:53 pm

The pressure is real. But only for some children. Some must be like everyone else with a huge intensity. Others want to be like everyone else but do not stress their parents about it. And some don't notice.

amother

Pistachio

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 12:55 pm

amother OP wrote:

And there you have it. You can be completely caring and understand their social plight. But that does not mean you have to give in each time.
Giving in is not always the right thing to do.

small bean

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 1:26 pm

It's complicated. On the one hand social pressure is real. On the other we need to teach our kids to not need to give into the pressure. I struggle with balancing this for my kids.

I personally didn't struggle with this and neither does my oldest. We just don't notice social pressure. But my kids that do, I have to think about what's needed to fit in and what's wanted. BH none of my kids are into brands yet, because that would be against my values.

Hashem_Yaazor

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 1:45 pm

Brands are "against my values" too but I let my kids who feel a need to wear them do so, but after discussing, saving up (or choosing as a gift), trying to minimize how much brand name stuff is being worn, etc
I'm not going to let this be the hill I die on. I'd much rather them wear an Alo top and put my foot down against some values I refuse to give up on.

amother

Molasses

Wed, Jan 01 2025, 1:53 pm

I'm confused. Social pressure didn't exist before 2025?

I'm in my 30s but yeah I remember what it felt like to be left out of the crowd. In face many of my early memories are "cringe" moments from when I was a tween/teen.

I remember having some sort of food fight during lunch. I felt left out so I did something really stupid- I ruined a girl's white hat by spilling bright red punch on it! Or the time we were all showing off our new trainer bras while getting changed for gym class and mine was on backwards!! Oh did I get laughed at!!! Or the time my mother made me wear the translucent black pantyhose to my friends sisters wedding- she insisted it was in style. Yup, I got made fun of for weeks afterwards.

Guess what, I lived to tell the tale. In fact I'm happy these incidents happened to me so I can tell them over to my DD and she can feel that yes, I get it.