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How to parent my 3 year old



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amother
OP  


 

Post Tue, Dec 31 2024, 9:20 pm
First time mom here. I have an adorable little girl who just turned 3. I was the world's best mommy until I had children. I'm at a loss how to deal with her so looking for help

Her behavior and the things she says leave us stunned. I feel like I have an obnoxious teenager and not a little 3 year old.
Like she'll say:
"You're not the mommy! Stop talking! Only I can talk"

She sometimes hits, jabs, and pokes us. I'm not sure if she is trying to hurt us or is acting too crazy/silly.
All above behaviors are unprovoked. My husband can be reading her a book and she'll suddenly smack him

Everything is a fight. Getting her dressed for playgroup, getting her into the bath, out of the bath, into pajamas. I gave up on getting her to eat, she usually goes to sleep without supper (she eats nicely at playgroup) I dread bathtime so I do it when I have energy

I always hated the idea of charts and/or bribes but we got so desperate that we have a chart for good behavior. I hate it. Now she always wants a treat for everything. Like If I make her hair she asks me for a treat because she let me do it nicely. Like I said, I hate it!

From when I pick her up until she goes to sleep she is out of control. She is either acting super silly, or on the floor screaming or crying.

She'll ask me for a sandwich and then after I make it she throws it on the floor and says "yuck I don't want it"
Constantly asking for things and then changing her mind, or the opposite, saying she doesn't want something and then crying that she wants it

Thank you if you've read this far

Which behavior are normal? Abnormal?
Any and all advice appreciated
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amother
  OP  


 

Post Tue, Dec 31 2024, 9:40 pm
I'd appreciate to hear from those who answered on the thread about what you wish you could've done differently...
I know 3 is little and she is only 3. But she is extremely bright, people tell me she seems like a 4 year old.
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amother
Almond


 

Post Tue, Dec 31 2024, 10:18 pm
My Dd has some similar behaviours so I understand somewhat what you’re going through. It’s sooo hard. I would bathe her less frequently bec I couldn’t deal with her outbursts in the bath. And then there’s the comments from family members criticising your way of dealing with it and offering unsolicited advice. We would stay home for Shabbos more often than I wanted to because I couldn’t deal with family (and MIL’s) response and advice re her behaviour. We recently started therapy in a 0-5 year old program. I would speak to friends who followed advice of various therapists either with parent sessions or reading books on the topic. There are many different approaches, I would recommend getting help asap.
Hatzlacha
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amother
Seafoam  


 

Post Tue, Dec 31 2024, 10:43 pm
I don't think it's your parenting. She sounds pretty dysregulated. How's her sleep? Is she sick a lot? I know you said she doesn't eat well, she may be missing nutrients.
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amother
Snow


 

Post Tue, Dec 31 2024, 11:26 pm
It’s not you and it’s not just normal 3 year old behavior going on. So you’re validated in being exhausted from all of it.

I don’t have advice. Hopefully someone else can be more helpful. Just wanted to say this is a bit extreme even for a 3 year old. Sounds like she’s living up every stereotype of a toddler there is 😝
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amother
  OP  


 

Post Wed, Jan 01 2025, 11:33 am
amother Seafoam wrote:
I don't think it's your parenting. She sounds pretty dysregulated. How's her sleep? Is she sick a lot? I know you said she doesn't eat well, she may be missing nutrients.


Yes I think she is dysrrgulated. She is a different child when she is well rested and eating well. She NEEDS 14 hours of sleep. With chanukah she has been off schedule and it's a disaster.
She behaves well at morah and she eats nicely there...
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amother
  Seafoam  


 

Post Wed, Jan 01 2025, 11:37 am
amother OP wrote:
Yes I think she is dysrrgulated. She is a different child when she is well rested and eating well. She NEEDS 14 hours of sleep. With chanukah she has been off schedule and it's a disaster.
She behaves well at morah and she eats nicely there...

I wish more people understood how essential sleep is for emotional regulation. It should really be non-negotiable.

Diet plays and outsized role too. I would try to work on getting her to eat better and more consistently, and it should be whole, clean, nutrient dense, blood sugar friendly foods.
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amother
  OP


 

Post Wed, Jan 01 2025, 11:40 am
amother Seafoam wrote:
I wish more people understood how essential sleep is for emotional regulation. It should really be non-negotiable.

Diet plays and outsized role too. I would try to work on getting her to eat better and more consistently, and it should be whole, clean, nutrient dense, blood sugar friendly foods.


Do you have any books you can recommend on emotional regulation? For adults and kids
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amother
  Seafoam


 

Post Wed, Jan 01 2025, 11:45 am
amother OP wrote:
Do you have any books you can recommend on emotional regulation? For adults and kids

I like this one
https://www.amazon.com/Whole-B.....psc=1
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