"But mommy it's normal!"

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Forum -> Parenting our children

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amother

Yesterday at 9:09 am

My husband and I are both youngest with significant age gaps in our families, thus we didn't experience much in the way of "sibling rivalry" or teasing/cheppering/nudging.

We have a large family ka"h and my 12 year old son and 9 year-old we often refer to them as "vinegar and baking soda", useful ingredients, but can cause a strong reaction. They usually get a long well, sometimes it's silly, sometimes it's REALLY silly and sometime they are nudging/ cheppering each other--and it can go both ways. He bothers her, but then in turn she is annoying to him. Rarely is it physical--but sometimes they will not-quite-hurt each other or chase each other. My husband find that it is super annoying to US.

I tell them to stop/cut it out and tell them to be nice to each other. But they both say to me "Mom, it's just 'sibling rivalry' it's normal"

When would you intervene?

amother

Stonewash

Yesterday at 9:11 am

Ignore, let them be kids & figure it out. They might even by enjoying it....
Yeah, it's annoying for us but such is life.

amother

Lotus

Yesterday at 9:13 am

I ignore most of it. I only get involved if it seems like a major imbalance of power and one can’t protect themselves or if they attack each other in ways that cross certain lines. Otherwise they are right siblings argue and tease each other and it’s ok to mostly ignore.

amother

Aqua

Yesterday at 9:16 am

It's normal bit I still like to somewhat supervise & teach boundaries if one crossed a line. Generally they shouldn't physically touch each other too much even in innocent ways just to develop good habits.

amother

Slategray

Yesterday at 9:21 am

At those ages (big) I’d intervene.

If kids are outmatched (by age or size) I intervene

amother

Mintgreen

Yesterday at 9:55 am

My sister and I would chase each other around the house all the time. Sometimes it would get physical and then my mother would intervene. Eventually we outgrew it. We are very close now.

amother

Oatmeal

Yesterday at 10:01 am

If they are both telling you it’s normal and siblings rivalry, I’m inclined to let them be and work it out themselves. I’d one is coming to you and the other is using that to defend themselves, it’s different

amother

Hydrangea

Yesterday at 10:09 am

The book Siblings Without Rivalry is a good read

amother

NeonPurple

Yesterday at 10:21 am

I would only intervene if it becomes disrespectful, cruel, dangerous, or physically harmful. Otherwise, I believe that it will all work out. Kvetching, irritating, annoying, and gentle teasing is all part of the sibling relationship. It also teaches coping, negotiating, and social skills to kids. My oldest was an only child for a long time due to secondary infertility. My next child is of a different gender and 6 years younger and we were unable to have more. Surprisingly, they had a very difficult relationship for about the first 10 years. They are very close and supportive now. I am very grateful that they have each other.

amother

Valerian

Yesterday at 10:42 am

amother NeonPurple wrote:

This. I find it helps to have clear black and white rules. Ex. no name calling. Even if the one being called the name laughs, it's a clear line and is simply not tolerated in this house.

Also no running in the house which would include chasing each other because that can easily spiral into something more.

Otherwise, pretend not to notice as much as you can.

imamommy5

Yesterday at 11:01 am

amother Oatmeal wrote:

Yes. They sound like normal siblings to me.
Also yeast and salt is a better example you need them both in the chalah but if they touch each other it's not good. (the dough won't rise)

amother

Hibiscus

Yesterday at 11:12 am

Yup. I fought like cats and dogs with my sisters close in age with me. Today, we are closer than you could imagine.
Siblings fight because 1. they don’t have the tools to tell each other that they love each other so they find other ways to be close to each other (fighting)
And 2. They honestly get on each others nerves, part of living with people you love and totally normal

My husband is a youngest with a huge gap and sibling rivalry is new to him. I understand the value of it

amother

Aubergine

Yesterday at 11:35 am

It sounds like they might be doing it purposely to get your attention. My kids did that. It's a hard catch22.

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