Will he ever understand?!

amother

OP ↓

Yesterday at 9:02 pm

Hf asd six year old. His brother toppled over a chair onto the floor and on the way hurt his head. His brother is laying upside down on the floor still , hadn't had a chance to start crying and he punches him on his face yelling crazy boy why aren't you careful you did it intentionally to hurt me... Poor younger brother all hurt from his falling but I'm assuming his tears were mainly due to the physical and verbal harassment of his brother... Here I am hours later crying and hurting for his little abused brother and for my pain. This blockage of not understanding the so obvious that he didn't choose to fall down intentionally.... I've explained this so many times to him, pointed out when it happened that he was the one to unintentionally hurt others that look you didn't mean to hurt twas a mistake same is when.... And I can tell he really gets it. Till next scenario and he is back to square one. He's had therapy on and off and by now im doubtful if his twisted way of thinking can really be re directed....

amother

Cognac ↓

Yesterday at 9:10 pm

He may understand it cognitively but ASD kids are stuck in fight flight and will fly off the handle at the slightest trigger which is why he can't react normally in the moment. His amygdala is hijacking his entire brain including the part that's in charge of logic and reasoning and so there's no getting through to him then.

amother

Clematis

Yesterday at 9:21 pm

Having such a hard time with my 6 year old hf asd son too.
Why are they in flight or fight mode? I’m so drained

amother

↑ OP ↓

Yesterday at 9:33 pm

amother Cognac wrote:

how do I unstuck him?

amother

↑ Cognac ↓

Yesterday at 9:34 pm

amother Clematis wrote:

Having such a hard time with my 6 year old hf asd son too.
Why are they in flight or fight mode? I’m so drained

Why is the million dollar question lol but almost all ASD symptoms and behaviors can be explained by the fact that their nervous system is stuck in this mode.
Then the question is what can be done about it...

amother

↑ Cognac ↓

Yesterday at 9:35 pm

amother OP wrote:

how do I unstuck him?

LDN (low dose naltrexone) and homeopathy helped us a ton with fight-flight.

amother

Nasturtium

Today at 12:47 am

What’s LDN?

Also struggling with this with our 4 year old child with HFA. Always being physically handsy with us at home, hurts us when we keep explaining that this really hurts etc. doesn’t seem to understand. DC will be starting ABA hopefully soon, is this something we can expect them to work on?

amother

Ginger

Today at 1:03 am

Assuming all you are saying asd is brain inflammation/ pandas. Don’t assume the op wants this thread derailed into people who don’t believe asd is real and curable by homeopathic methods.

amother

Caramel

Today at 1:25 am

amother Cognac wrote:

Huh?
Can you send me some medical articles on this? How can the amygdala hijack the brain?

amother

Valerian ↓

Today at 5:55 am

amother Nasturtium wrote:

Yes. Make sure your BCBA knows and prioritizes it.

When my kids (several with HFA) were little, therapists helped us create and enforce the 2 rules we posted in the house -- No hurting people, No hurting things. (This obviously meant intentional hurt).

We explained and practiced how no matter what the provocation, there would be a consequence (timeout, set up and practiced so it was well understood and effective) if you broke those rules. Obviously, if someone else intentionally hurt you or your things, they'd get a consequence as well. A period of time with zero damage earned a reward. A timeout taken properly earned a small reward as well, regardless of the reason for having to take it.

OP, it's vital to stay calm, as your negative emotions will feed the negative emotions in DS. Get the younger one to safety, let the older one calm, then discuss strategies ("If you are upset with younger siblings, you must tell a grownup, no matter what.")

With time and treatment, you and he can learn other ways to cope with the anxiety that triggered his attack.

It's important for both of you to become more aware of danger signs, and ways to calm before ODS goes over the edge. The saying is that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, but I think when dealing with ASD, a milligram of prevention is worth a kilo of cure.

amother

↑ Cognac

Today at 9:36 am

amother Caramel wrote:

Huh?
Can you send me some medical articles on this? How can the amygdala hijack the brain?

Amygdala hijack is a layperson term for when the limbic system and stress response overtakes and impairs the prefrontal Cortex.

https://www.medicalnewstoday.c.....ijack

It's well known that kids with asd have large abnormal amygdalas, heightened stress response and other hpa axis abnormalities

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/a.....3840/

https://health.ucdavis.edu/new.....22/02

LDN can help regulate cortisol levels and the stress response

https://www.compoundingcenter......0men.

And possible other features of autism

https://ldnresearchtrust.org/a.....hnson

For behavioral interventions The Whole Brain Child is a great book that addresses this.

amother

↑ OP

Today at 9:37 am

amother Valerian wrote:

Thanks. I appreciate your insight. As far as negative emotions will feed negative emotions, at times when he acts out of frustration or anger any consequence he views as negative and I'm never sure if It's the right time to discuss then why consequence is needed, that you tell mommy... So if I managed to stay calm and want to keep the situation least chaotic, I just ignore the negative and focus on what angered him like oh my you really got upset when your Legos were broken... That's really upsetting...But then there is no consequence and how will he ever learn.... But if I do talk about consequence then I've never had a good experience with him and your explanation that negative will bring out negative makes sense. So always unsure with how I handle his outbursts...

amother

↑ Valerian

Today at 1:30 pm

Staying calm doesn't mean no consequences!

It means consequences delivered calmly, and immediate reward of positive attention upon appropriate acceptance of the consequence.

If you don't have a therapist who can guide you through the creation of this kind of system, you may want to look into finding one.

It took me a long time to accept the idea that me and DH seeing the therapist was the best way for DC to improve (I kept feeling like I was being blamed), but eventually, I came to understand that as the mother, I have more direct impact than anyone else, and counseling could help me help the kids.