Poll: wives, do you know your household bills and bank accou

amother

Hyssop

Yesterday at 9:54 am

I see our bills and have access to the shared accounts.
I don’t touch the accounts because my husband has his “plan” for paying off the debt
I also know that my husband has another account that I do not have access to…

BusyBoys

Yesterday at 10:00 am

mathbrain wrote:

Can we add option for wife knows and husband isn’t fully aware, because he’s terrible at numbers, and wife handles all the finances?

Your username matches up to your post so seamlessly

amother

Lightgreen

Yesterday at 10:09 am

I think the kind of women who are left in the dark are less likely to be on imamother and therefore less likely to vote in this poll, in two categories. First are very ultra orthodox people who think it’s the frummest way to do things and they are not on the internet. Second are severely abused wives whose husbands keep them off the finances and also off the internet.

amother

Whitewash

Yesterday at 10:12 am

amother Lightgreen wrote:

I don't think the first part is true. Many of the quote unqoute frummest men don't work so the wives are in charge of the finances or at least in the know.

amother

Ginger

Yesterday at 10:18 am

I just want to point out that you don't necessarily need to be "good with numbers" to have a handle on finances. I handle the finances mainly because I'm the more organized one (dh makes more than me and also has adhd and has trouble with staying on top of stuff). He is actually way better at math than I am, I'm quite bad at math. But even I know enough to know how tell bigger numbers from smaller numbers, and I'm aware that we want the number coming in to be bigger than the number coming out, and we want our investments to be going up and not down. It's really not rocket science. Also, unlike in school, in real life, you're allowed to use a calculator! So, if you're afraid of being involved because you don't like numbers, don't let that stop you! The stuff you need to know does not require calculus, just basic arithmetic, and you can use a calculator if even that is too much for you!

B'Syata D'Shmya ↓

Yesterday at 10:53 am

amother Sage wrote:

I am in the dark about this stuff and very happy with it. Dh is not controlling at all. This is just the system that works for us.

Please have him write down ALL your financial info, bank info, mortgage info, insurances, legal info,accountant info, if you have investments, he has to also show you where he files his utility and tax bills etc (if email, then you need access to that as well).
You should never need it but just in case, you need access to it.
Being in the dark can cost you.

↑ B'Syata D'Shmya ↓

Yesterday at 10:54 am

amother Hyssop wrote:

Do you have another account that he doesnt have access to?
Even if you are a full SAHM, you deserve his salary as much as he does.

amother

Leaf

Yesterday at 10:58 am

Someone aware dh gave me the passwords to all the accounts but I chose not to remember it but from time to time I ask him or he tells me
I know for the most part how successful or not the business is and more than that is really not my headache

↑ yiddishmom

Yesterday at 11:20 am

Trademark wrote:

Is she a child that needs to be shielded from the realities of life? I don't understand how it's good for anyone for the wife to be in the dark.

No.

But in time of stress, sometimes a person makes a wrong decision.

↑ MiracleMama

Yesterday at 11:32 am

I already stated earlier that DH is on top of our stuff, B"H, and I don't really deal with our bills and finances very much. It works for us and it's fine.

But I am concerned for any woman who is saying the same but also doesn't even know what's going on and trusts their husbands 100%. You should trust your husband 100% unless you have reason not to. But what would you do if G-d forbid something happened to him? You don't need to be super involved but you should have a basic understanding of what monies and expenses you have, make sure you can access all accounts, etc. I have a dear friend whose husband died suddenly at a very young age. She didn't even know the name of their bank. If her car was owned or leased. How to make a mortgage payment. She didn't know where the checkbook was. (And today it's not even usually a matter of finding checkbooks but having usernames and passwords to do all of this online). Etc. Etc. Etc. Please, even if you don't have the headspace to be very involved, take an hour or so to go over the basics with your husband and know what you have, what you owe, and where things are and how to access. We don't know what's going to be tomorrow.

amother

Antiquewhite

Yesterday at 11:38 am

amother Daphne wrote:

The question is, does my husband know our bills, bank accounts, and financial situation. lol.

ADHD husband = wife fully in charge of $$

Sane here, minus the dh with ADHD. I'm the one with ADHD! He has Ostrich Syndrome, which has proven to be way worse. Our kids bringing home friends to no water or heat due to unpaid bills, selling our house due to years of debt, are all worse than our situation now that I took over, with ADHD and all that comes along with it (admittedly we're still somewhat financially unstable but it's definitely more tolerable).

amother

Midnight

Yesterday at 11:40 am

I'm the breadwinner in the family, but have no clue about our finances. I have adhd and don't have the patience or interest to deal with it. I live very simply because that's my personality, so things wouldn't be different if I knew how much we have in the bank.

amother

Mulberry ↓

Yesterday at 11:42 am

amother Begonia wrote:

A poll would never answer this. I’d assume wives don’t know because their husbands hide it from them.

Your assumption would be wrong in many cases. I choose not to know, but I have full access if I ever want to look.

amother

↑ Mulberry ↓

Yesterday at 11:46 am

synthy wrote:

I know some women don’t, and it makes me both angry and sad. Unless there’s serious mental health concerns such as extreme anxiety, why should a wife not know how much cc debt “her husband” has? Why should she then go on and swipe another 5k for yom tov clothing for kids so her husband can go shnor from his family and friends, and everyone can look at her like a nebech?

That’s not how it works in our case. BH I know we are not in debt, and any debt we would have would be OUR debt, not just my husband’s, just as all money earned is OURS, even though I don’t work. I always discuss big purchases with my husband, so I would never just “swipe another 5K.” There have been times over the years when my husband has told me to go easy or to not make purchases at a given time, but generally that hasn’t been the case.
What you are describing is an unhealthy dynamic.

↑ synthy

Yesterday at 12:39 pm

amother Mulberry wrote:

So you do know. I don’t expect every woman to know the electricity bill every month, but living completely in the dark is sad and scary.

amother

↑ Mulberry ↓

Yesterday at 12:53 pm

synthy wrote:

So you do know. I don’t expect every woman to know the electricity bill every month, but living completely in the dark is sad and scary.

I know, but I am not involved at all. I am in the dark because I choose to be. I rely on my husband to keep me up to date regarding when I need to go easy. You can be sad and scared, but I promise you this is the way I want it, and my husband is honest with me.

amother

Aqua

Yesterday at 1:10 pm

I know enough to know that we’re doing okay. I have an approximate amount I spend on the household every month which we both agreed on, which doesn’t include food. I don’t know our specific bills or other expenses. I know about how much we have in the bank but Dh has other accounts that I don’t track.

Cheiny

Yesterday at 1:13 pm

amother OP wrote:

I have been discussing this subject with a friend who works with people's finances and she claims many wives don't know whether they are in debt or not. I'm curious to see what kind of response I get here.

I think every wife should make it her business to be aware of all the finances in the marriage, whether she directly handles them or not. Spouses are partners and both should be clued in.

small bean

Yesterday at 1:45 pm

I used to know but now I really don't. My husband does all the finances and I run the home. I buy what is needed/wanted for everyone and he pays the bills. I have no idea how much utilities cost at this point. I have an estimate of how much gas for my car is as I fill up and about how much I spend on groceries.

I know which banks we bank in and I can give my license to access all of them.