Say something nice

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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette

Say something nice

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View latest: 24h 48h 72h

Do you compliment others

Yes

94%

[ 112 ]

[ 7 ]

Don’t want to make others feel good

[ 0 ]

Total Votes : 119

amother

DarkYellow

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 3:10 am

amother Eggplant wrote:

What can I tell you, I only know what I read here, and that is what I have learned on this site. I wouldn’t have thought it, but have read it here, time and time again.

Then maybe come take a visit and see us in real life?

Bnei Berak 10 ↓

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 4:57 am

amother Leaf wrote:

If I'm wearing a dress I hate, then anyone who compliments it is insulting my taste.

Why do you force yourself to wear a dress your hate?
And if someone has a different tastes than you?(which is allowed)

imaima ↓

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 5:00 am

amother Leaf wrote:

If I'm wearing a dress I hate, then anyone who compliments it is insulting my taste.

It’s a you problem though. People are just trying to be nice

↑ Bnei Berak 10

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 5:03 am

To say "it's so good to see you" doesn't focus on the clothing but on the person itself. Can anybody get offended by this?
In Imamother's world YES.

singleagain ↓

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 6:56 am

Years ago when I was traveling to college on the train I still remember a stranger complimenting my wrap around skirt and asking where I got it and then being disappointed that it was not available in Jersey bc I had picked it up in Israel. I still remember how good I felt at the compliment

amother

NeonPurple

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 7:03 am

Im a bit nutty about this
I love to compliment people
Its a game I play with myself
Standing on line checking out. Find something to compliment random stranger for and their whole posture changes.

amother

Forestgreen

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 7:36 am

I compliment genuinely when I like something.

If I don't see you regularly, I will let you genuinely know that it was so good to see you.

The person who compliments me every single time she sees me, I know it's not genuine.

amother

↑ Trillium ↓

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 7:55 am

amother Eggplant wrote:

What can I tell you, I only know what I read here, and that is what I have learned on this site. I wouldn’t have thought it, but have read it here, time and time again.

You should leave your bubble and get to know more Jews outside your tiny little town. It’s kinda pathetic.

amother

Skyblue

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 8:08 am

amother Leaf wrote:

But you have no idea what I'm going through, and I find most compliments demeaning.

And you think that's weird, so now I have to either be judged or lie and awkwardly go along with it even if it makes me want to die.

I'm so sorry you're going through this pain.
Objectively it doesn't sound like it depends on if someone is being mean, it sounds like learning how to view things differently will be helpful to you and your well-being

amother

Nemesia

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 8:08 am

I am not thrilled that every potential compliment listed is about appearances, clothes, etc. There are many ways to compliment people that are about them vs what they are wearing. The amother who go the sheitel compliment ended up feeling great about her skill and management of setting her own sheitel, for example.

I'm not saying don't compliment on appearances. But please, there are other things to find too. Many people who do not want to have appearance things noted and pointed out will be happy to hear they have a great smile, or you are impressed by their ability to do something.

And please, if you see something that stands out negatively, don't search for a positive about that thing and say it- it tells the person you are noticing that thing. Look for something different.

amother

↑ Trillium

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 8:20 am

amother Eggplant wrote:

What can I tell you, I only know what I read here, and that is what I have learned on this site. I wouldn’t have thought it, but have read it here, time and time again.

And since you don’t know I’ll correct your lies. It’s a personality thing usually stemming from a secure childhood or not. Not being good with compliments can be a trauma response. On the flip side some value compliments and don’t overuse because then it loses it’s value and it becomes as fake as saying hello how are you, I’m great thanks and you weren’t actually asking how she was and she wasn’t actually answering truthfully. So I do see that where people just give compliments to feel they did their duty and most people don’t appreciate those type of compliments. But back to the in town ignorance, when you have towns/ cities of thousands of people how can you think all have the same personality and act exactly the same? Do you think we are less human than you and hashem created us different if we were born in nj/ ny? How is this even a train of thought?

Peersupport

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 8:20 am

I don't notice things like what people wear.

I feel bad about it, but not sure how to change that part of me.

I literally don't even realize when someone is pregnant.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 8:28 am

amother Nemesia wrote:

it’s easier to compliment on what someone’s wearing /looks bc that’s what most ppl see first .
I think it’s nice to compliment other things like u said. “ I like how you dealt with that child’s tantrum “ “ I like the way u made this recipe “ etc

amother

Quince

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 9:34 am

It's a very funny thing.

There are some people who always have a compliment on their tongues. Always. As soon as you see them. And it feels so genuine and appreciated.

And there are other people who will give a compliment and somehow it comes off as forced and phony. I don't mean like an insult. Like they're saying they love your dress but you can tell they really hate it. I just mean it's like you can sense they made a mental note to compliment you on something. Anything.

Because I love how nice it feels to get a compliment that feels genuine, I am working on myself to give compliments to others. But I always wonder if others are perceiving my compliments as fake. I'm not making up things, telling someone their earrings are so pretty if I don't really think they are. But still it's not 100% natural for me, so a work in progress and hoping my compliments are received well.

BH Yom Yom

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 9:44 am

I try to give compliments, thank people for what they do, especially DH and kids. I really really try for the 80% positive feedback to 20% "corrective" feedback model. I also try to give compliments/express gratitude to coworkers especially those who do a ton that doesn't really get noticed otherwise. I don't typically pay much attention to what people are wearing and don't want to make people self-conscious, so I try to compliment what they do or say instead of what they wear.

JasmineDragon

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 9:55 am

Peersupport wrote:

I don't notice things like what people wear.

I feel bad about it, but not sure how to change that part of me.

I literally don't even realize when someone is pregnant.

I often don't notice, either. Someone I was talking to about dating asked me after the first or second date with my husband if he wore a white shirt, and I had absolutely zero recollection. (It wasn't, it was a dark blue button down.)

I've never really thought about how often I give compliments. Maybe that means I don't say them so often?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 9:59 am

amother Quince wrote:

Interesting
I find still nice to compliment. For example I might not like ur dress on me bc of the color/fabric /style but I like it on YOU. That’s what important. Making the other Person feel good .
I’ve worn a pretty flattering dress a few times . Love the way it sits on me and the way it feels . Felt so happy in it .
However not one person has mentioned that they like it on me , the color, etc .
It hurts . Makes me rethink if the dress is really pretty and to get rid of it . But BAruch Hashem I’m at a good place emotionally (but sometimes I do fall in not such a good place bc I don’t get positive feedback from ppl- not that I live on it 100% , it’s the sprinkles on top - nice to get complimented every once in a while ya know ) that I can manage without and feel confident that I am beautiful, perfect, amazing etc just the way I am .

amother

Cinnamon

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 10:12 am

I happen to hate compliments from anyone other than my dh.
I was at the mikvah last week and the lady at the front desk said something like "you have such a beautiful smile, its the cherry on top". was totally awkward and strange. It could be she feels the need to compliment thinking shes calming people but it irked me. My smile is normal nothing beautiful so I don't go for people trying to make you feel good.

↑ imaima

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 12:43 pm

amother Cinnamon wrote:

Lol on top of what? Weird to hear from someone who saw you naked.

Cheiny ↓

Tue, Dec 24 2024, 12:45 pm

amother OP wrote:

I’m really bothered by this .
I’ve noticed that there are many ppl who can say something nice but don’t . Ppl don’t give compliments to others anymore ..
I feel like ppl forgot how to be nice to others .
It’s always nice to be complimented , I like your shoes , dress so flattering on you , such a pretty color on you etc
I think when someone compliments another person , it really makes that person feel better about themselves . Less doubting and rethinking their whole life . They just feel good . The rest of their day will be a whole lot better .
I try to compliment friends /neighbors /family when I see them. And I’m really genuine about it . But I don’t get back. No that I compliment so someone will say something nice to me , just makes me feel like am I not good enough ? Not pretty ? Am I off ? Etc
I think ladies appreciate compliments more than men and it’s so important for us ladies to receive them . I don’t live for them . Just curious why ppl don’t “see something nice ,say something nice “
????

I’m not sure what kind of circles you’re in and who you’re surrounding yourself with, but making a blanket generalization and statement like this is completely inaccurate.

Most everyone I know and come in contact with gives compliments.

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