Family First: A Loan Repaid

amother

↑ Amaranthus ↓

Yesterday at 6:15 pm

amother Bellflower wrote:

That's the problem. you cant know what situation someones in until your in their shoes.
Her whole story is based on the assumptions of what a great life her friend has. Does she really know.

And regardless of all that, if her friend confronts her about repaying her reaction could range between many things but the one thing it shouldnt have been is - how can she do this to me. Its not about her at all

Obviously she can't know anything about her friend and nor can we. We can still give our opinion based on the facts presented.

I still stand by my opinion that I think her friend should have forgiven it as tzedakah. She kept 'lending' her while never getting a penny back, I would think that shows an assumption that she's doing it as tzedakah from her part also.

amother

↑ Amaranthus

Yesterday at 6:15 pm

amother Chicory wrote:

I agree with this.
I thought it was a weak story for a few reasons, and this is one of them.

You have no idea what dental work she needed.

amother

↑ Chicory

Yesterday at 6:20 pm

amother Amaranthus wrote:

You have no idea what dental work she needed.

If it was that urgent of a need, it should have been included in the story. Leaving it out didn't help the reader identify with the urgency. That's one reason why it was a weak story.
The whole story was irritating to read. Both characters seemed very self involved, and neither seemed to have a super urgent need at that point in time, according to details included.

amother

Brunette

Yesterday at 6:20 pm

Honestly surprised by the responses here. Seems obvious it was maaser, calling it a loan to save face. Totally wrong to even ask for it back IMHO. Especially knowing the desperate straits her friend lives in.

amother

Anemone

Yesterday at 6:34 pm

Presumably, the specific facts and details were changed.

With that said, the narrator assumed her firend is comfortable financially, and assumed her friend is happy to help her, and assumed her friend has a better life than she does, and assumed that she said she's giving a loan to save face, and assumed that when her friend said she's actually in a desperate situation financially, she really couldn't possibly be as desperate as she, the narrator.

Very wrong of the narrator to make all of these assumptions.

I read the story feeling sorry for Miri who had spent her entire life doing chesed for this friend.

Maryann ↓

Yesterday at 6:44 pm

I think it was really intended for maaser
If it was a loan it would have been clear when she needs to pay it back by

Here she calls her randomly pls pay me back ...so so strange
Like suddenly she needs the money so she's changing it to be a loan

notshanarishona ↓

Yesterday at 6:49 pm

Just because she offered money as maaser once doesn’t mean she continues to be able to do so. It’s not typical to just randomly ask friends for $

amother

↑ Azalea ↓

Yesterday at 6:49 pm

Maryann wrote:

Except it was always called a loan, so it doesn’t really matter what it was intended for and the author could never know. She didn’t “change” it to a loan, it was never called anything else

amother

↑ Azalea ↓

Yesterday at 6:53 pm

amother Amaranthus wrote:

You have no idea what dental work she needed.

Any dental work is a luxury. Unless a person physically cannot chew due to excruciating pain, which obviously wasn’t the authors case

It doesn’t matter what needed to be done

↑ notshanarishona

Yesterday at 6:53 pm

amother Azalea wrote:

Except it wasn’t maaser, it was a loan. How is it petty? Obviously she desperately needed the money if she was asking for it back from this friend, that’s a really uncomfortable position to be in. For the author to make assumptions about Miris life and assume she is so much worse off with zero sympathy for her friend, and have the audacity to actually say no to repaying, is beyond me

Also, don’t pretend it’s taking food from your kids mouth when you have thousands to spend on dental work. I personally am in a dire financial situation, DH has had 2 teeth fall out over the last year and desperately needs root canals, but we can’t afford it. Dental work is a luxury IMO

Not doing dental work can cause some major long term issues such as losing teeth (don’t ask how I know). It’s not exactly a luxury. Root canal’s can turn into infections with a lot of pain. Should not be ignored.

amother

↑ Cognac ↓

Yesterday at 6:54 pm

amother Azalea wrote:

Any dental work is a luxury. Unless a person physically cannot chew due to excruciating pain, which obviously wasn’t the authors case

It doesn’t matter what needed to be done

This is the first time in my life that I heard of dental work being a luxury.

amother

Mustard

Yesterday at 6:59 pm

The story didn't sit right with me almost immediately. Why would a well adjusted seemingly perfect girl take on a girl who was more or less a nebach as her BFF? Seemed really bizarre to me.

amother

↑ Azalea ↓

Yesterday at 7:40 pm

amother Cognac wrote:

This is the first time in my life that I heard of dental work being a luxury.

Good for you that you can afford it then

amother

Razzmatazz ↓

Yesterday at 7:45 pm

We gave someone a "loan" over 50k. They insisted it was a loan. We said it's maaser. Because of that, even though we have no money to speak of now, I would never ask them for it back because we told them it wasn't a loan. I think they both have issues but especially 4k when you're a lawyer to a divorced friend? Don't give it if you expect it back.

↑ Maryann

Yesterday at 8:01 pm

amother Razzmatazz wrote:

I'm missing something you Saud ut was maaser??

amother

↑ Cognac

Yesterday at 8:16 pm

amother Azalea wrote:

Good for you that you can afford it then

We actually went through a period of time that we couldn't afford it. My son needed root canals and was in constant pain. Didn't make it a luxury... it's just horrible that this can happen in a first world country. I'm now staying at a job where I'm not happy only because of the dental insurance.

amother

Brown

Yesterday at 8:32 pm

amother Cognac wrote:

Did anybody else feel sad to realize that women are stuck in the life they are born into? It's like, you're born into the wrong family, your life will always be awful.

There are many people that made it out of such families and disorder and abuse. I grew up like the other woman and now my life is much better. I’ll still never be the woman in the perfect shaitel though. Sneakers and mitpachot with often a Jean skirt are all I wear. It’s not a cycle when you actively decide it’s not and act against it.

amother

Ebony

Yesterday at 8:42 pm

What about the possible fact that when she insisted that it was a loan and she didn’t want to take tzedaka, Miri no longer used her maaser to give her but rather used her actual money

Our main character should have accepted the tzedaka in tb first place and not pretended it was something it wasn’t if she wasn’t planning to pay it back.

amother

Gray

Yesterday at 8:44 pm

I’ve been in Miri’s place.

Someone me and DH know didn’t have money for food for the month or YT. DH wanted to give him $3000 that we had available at the time. He refused to take a handout and asked for it to be a loan. DH said sure and gave him the money. We have no intentions of ever seeing that money again. We’ve had hard times and money is extremely tight but in my mind that money was tzedakah and I would never DREAM of calling him out on his 2 year old “loan”!!!

Hashem is the ultimate accountant, if that money is meant to come back to me it will.