Short Shabbos with a toddler

amother

OP ↓

Fri, Dec 20 2024, 11:38 am

I’m having a really hard time. I’m currently pregnant and have a 2 year old. My husband leaves for Mincha Friday and then I’m alone with my 2 year old during her hard time and bed time and my husband gets to come home to a nice quiet house. Then the next morning he goes to shul just as she’s waking up and I play with her all morning and put her down and he comes home while she’s napping. He’s home with us for a couple of hours while she’s up and then off to shul for Mincha and Mariv and I’m with her for her hard times alone all over again. Shabbos is starting to feel like she’s completely my responsibility without any help.

amother

Peachpuff

Fri, Dec 20 2024, 11:42 am

Is going to shul an option for you (all)?

Can you make a play date with a friend who has similar age kid?

Can he go to hashkamah so he can spend more time with her/you?

amother

SandyBrown

Fri, Dec 20 2024, 11:53 am

When I had only little kids, I used to make up with a neighbor to spend Friday night & shabbos afternoon at each other's homes. Win for all, we all had company. When the weather is nice, we're outside all shabbos.

amother

Red

Fri, Dec 20 2024, 11:58 am

It’s very hard with one kid. I remember those days. I used to pull out naptime till after the seuda so both can take a nap. If that wouldn’t work then dh should watch her in the afternoon while you nap.

amother

Phlox ↓

Fri, Dec 20 2024, 12:26 pm

amother Red wrote:

Its a hard time of day.
One three five or ten kids shabbos after noon is a hard time if day.
Yes men go to shul. I have boys bh they go to shul. Lots of little cranky kids. Sugar high tired boredom. Time for mom to be in best mommy mode stories songs floor time games or just pull your hair out of your head

amother

↑ OP

Fri, Dec 20 2024, 1:03 pm

Thanks for the replies. Shabbos starts a little later here then other places so he’s only home around 6:45. I would be able to go to shul with her shabbos morning but by the time the kiddush starts she’s ready for her nap. We do go to neighbors or play outside but it doesn’t always work out that way.

amother

Royalblue ↓

Fri, Dec 20 2024, 1:07 pm

It’s very very hard. No answers here. We have 3 littles bh and my husband works crazy hour all week then shabbos comes and I get no downtime either.

I get one hour to nap after the seuda if we don’t have guests but otherwise it a merathon.

amother

↑ Geranium ↓

Fri, Dec 20 2024, 1:43 pm

I don't know I have 3 littles and I don't find these shabbosim so hard. My husband comes home around 12 and we shlep the seudah till around 3. We have an hour and half where they play and have shabbos party and then dh takes 1-2 of them to shul with him for mincha/maariv. And no one goes to bed until he gets back
I find shabbos really flies

amother

Fern

Fri, Dec 20 2024, 2:16 pm

Same. I have a 14 month old and it feels like DH is out all Shabbos. She walks but I'm not sure if she'll make it to shul and back without wanting to be picked up.

amother

↑ Phlox

Fri, Dec 20 2024, 3:17 pm

amother Cherry wrote:

Maybe your husband can take him to shul for mincha-maariv?

2 year old???
In diapers or toilet trained?? Im not sure which is worse
Its hard to be a frum mama but shul is not a day care service unless they officially provide one

amother

↑ Royalblue

Fri, Dec 20 2024, 3:36 pm

flowerpower wrote:

Invite people for the meal, go out for the meal, have friends come over at one point on shabbos, go for walks…… so many options

I do all of the above often but all involve more work for me and are exhausting- setting up for meals whole he’s in shul, having myself the house the kids ready for the meal. Serve clear and manage the kids during (he helps with the kids but it’s still hectic). Meals are longer.

I really love it but I’m not always up to it and it only makes the fact that he’s in shul harder not easier.

amother

↑ Geranium

Fri, Dec 20 2024, 4:02 pm

amother Phlox wrote:

2 year old???
In diapers or toilet trained?? Im not sure which is worse
Its hard to be a frum mama but shul is not a day care service unless they officially provide one

My 2.5 year old used to go to shul for mincha. He would sit quietly with a snack and a book. He loved it. Win win

amother

Olive

Sat, Dec 21 2024, 12:52 pm

It can be so hard with the first. Is there any way you can fiddle with her sleeping times? Some kids are just on a set schedule and there's no changing it but it might be worth a try! With what you described, I'd try a later bedtime friday night, like after kiddush and challah. With some kids, that might even get you a later wakeup shabbos morning, which obviously is wonderful, and then you can maybe push off her nap too which means you can go to shul for the kiddush, come home with your husband and he puts her to sleep. My personal favorite is sending the toddler to the men's side during the kiddush and actually socializing Smile

But even if not, that later bedtime still might help her to nap a bit longer which is nice. Also, maybe your husband can daven early mincha? Maariv alone is pretty short so if that hour specifically is a hard hour that could make a big difference too.

imaima

Sat, Dec 21 2024, 2:00 pm

amother OP wrote:

Make him skip something

amother

Bellflower

Sat, Dec 21 2024, 4:57 pm

amother Olive wrote:

I agree with this, I would let her have a later bedtime Friday night and hope she wakes up later in the morning.