Refuses to do BM on the toilet

amother

OP ↓

Wed, Dec 18 2024, 10:58 am

My 3 year old has been trained since 2.5 (9 months now) but refuses to do a poop on the toilet. Child asks for a diaper to do it in, does their business and gets cleaned up and continues the day in underwear.

But I’m going out of my mind now about this.

All suggestions I have tried so far have not helped so I hope someone here might be able to give new advice to try!

amother

Lightgreen

Wed, Dec 18 2024, 11:04 am

Patience a chart letting them go in the diaper while sitting on the potty

Incentives and once they’re ok with sitting, it’s exposure therapy let them be ok sitting on the potty

amother

Dimgray

Wed, Dec 18 2024, 11:07 am

Don't have advice.
My 4 yr old either goes in his diaper in the morning, or in his underwear throughout the day. I think it just took him a while to connect the sensations cuz recently he's been telling me he has a stomach ache going to the potty, and making.. I've been reinforcing with chocolate chips and praise.

I've had other kids save it for their diaper, but once we took the diaper away they figured it out within a few weeks.

I've heard that it can be an anxiety.. that due to the pressure of pushing it out it feels like it is part of them and is scary to see it being flushed down the toilet.. I've heard the advice given that after they make in the diaper have them pour it into the toilet and flush, so it gets them used to the idea that that's where it belongs. You can also have him sit on the toilet in his diaper, to start. might feel more secure that going straight into toilet. Also, potty may be more comfortable that a toilet..

Good luck!

HonesttoGod

Wed, Dec 18 2024, 11:56 am

I had the same issue with my child.
I was told to just let them be. Pressuring them won’t get you anywhere.

It’s so annoying though. And I felt bad because said child was always complaining of stomach aches from holding it in all day.

It took 10-12 months iirc.

amother

Lightgray

Wed, Dec 18 2024, 12:17 pm

Nobody likes this answer, but I've had some kids like this and the answer was time. That's it, time. They simply weren't there yet. You can make yourself crazy for 6 months or a year, or you can wait 6 months or a year and they'll do it no problem.

blima1

Wed, Dec 18 2024, 12:35 pm

I had similar with my son, I really waited a while until I felt like he was ready then I went to the toy store and brought a HUGE playmobil box with 4 different main sets in it.
I put it on the table and he came home and gasped and said what is that?!
I said very casually oh its for when you make a dirty on the toilet
he did and I gave him the first one
then I made charts for the rest of the them, each one he had to work a little harder to earn (go more times....)
he never asked for a diaper again!
but was really only able to do this when I knew he was ready for it

amother

Strawberry

Wed, Dec 18 2024, 1:21 pm

Can you put the diaper on and have him sit on the toilet with the diaper on?

Over time he may get more comfortable with the idea and can try without the diaper.

amother

Tiffanyblue

Wed, Dec 18 2024, 2:37 pm

Can I ask my question on this thread?

Can I send a child like this to school? on a bus, not a Morah that helps with training. They are already there but for various reasons need to change to a school setting.
The rule is toilet trained.

Child doesn't ask for a diaper but just does the business in the panty.

amother

Topaz

Wed, Dec 18 2024, 2:44 pm

I had this with one kid. For a full year they peed in the toilet but refused to poop except in a diaper. They were able to control it, because they weren't pooping in their underwear. It lasted until their 4th birthday. I talked it up a lot. "When you're 4, there will be no more diapers. Only underwear, and you'll be so big and poop in the toilet only!" On their 4th birthday I stopped offering diapers when they asked, and by the next day we had a poop in the toilet.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Dec 18 2024, 4:47 pm

Thank you all.

We have tried most of those suggestions but will try the rest.

It’s good to know with time it should come and even though frustrating, I am happy to give it the time in theory, just was concerned because I read a case study of a child still doing this age 9. BH it sounds like most children stop it earlier…

amother

Whitesmoke

Wed, Dec 18 2024, 5:11 pm

amother Tiffanyblue wrote:

Pooping in your underwear every day is not considered toilet trained.
I don’t really understand your question- it’s the bus that they need to be toilet trained to go on or the entire school day?

I can’t image a teacher who isn’t expected to change diapers to be ok with changing poop underwear.

amother

Jean

Wed, Dec 18 2024, 5:26 pm

amother Tiffanyblue wrote:

No that’s not fair to the teacher. A child who poops in their panties is not considered trained. Poor teacher having to deal with it.

momallhours

Wed, Dec 18 2024, 9:11 pm

I had this with my DD. Through siyata dishmaya I found this book once while searching on amazon it had great reviews I figured what could I lose. I was already losing my mind..

It worked!!!! I am no psychologist but maybe something about showing you understand their struggle??

Hugs

https://www.amazon.com/Cant-Wo.....ss_tl

amother

Mintcream

Wed, Dec 18 2024, 9:19 pm

This method usually works. Step 1 they need to be in the bathroom pooping in their diaper. Step 2 they need to sit on the toilet with the diaper on. Step 3 you cut a hole in the middle of the diaper so when they sit on the toilet with the diaper it falls into the toilet. You make a big deal and show them it’s no big deal. And step 4 is no diaper just on the toilet. Each one can take a week or however long until you feel they can move to the next step.

notshanarishona

Wed, Dec 18 2024, 9:36 pm

amother Tiffanyblue wrote:

You can’t send unless you are prepared to come and clean up every accident

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 2:01 am

amother Mintcream wrote:

We have been at step 1 for 10 months!!

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 2:02 am

momallhours wrote:

Thank you!! Even though bH child does do it, just in a diaper every time? So not essentially holding back…
Asks for the diaper, does business and then carries on with the day.

amother

↑ OP

Thu, Dec 19 2024, 2:04 am

momallhours wrote:

I have ordered it! Il come back to you in a few days 😅