What’s a good response to an 8 year old who cries

amother

OP ↓

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 8:05 pm

She cries all the time but won’t tell me why.
She has a drop of an irking personality. She’ll quiet sob for 10 mins straight and I’ll keep asking what’s wrong and she won’t tell me.
For months she’d do this and I’d sit and rub her back but in the last few days I decided I quit. Tell me what’s wrong or I walk away.
Wwyd

amother

DarkYellow

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 8:19 pm

I'm sorry you're so sad. I'm going to sit with you a while.

I see you're still sad. I'm going to give you some space. Let me know if you want me to come back and sit with you or you want to talk about what is making you sad.

I see you're feeling better now. I'm glad. Would you like to talk or write or draw about what upset you before?

gootlfriends

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 8:23 pm

Sometimes when very sensitive children are feeling emotions they cannot express them. They need a few minutes to just feel the emotion. Allow a child to be sad. Verbally tell her it's ok to be sad but you want to help and you can only help if you know what happened. I think writing it down or drawing is a good idea. Or taking out toys and having her act it out if writing/drawing is hard for her.

snowflake1

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 8:34 pm

I will call her mother and let her know what’s going on she might give you more info and if not at least the mother should know so she can deal with it

amother

Lime

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 8:41 pm

I have a really hard time with this. What I have been trying to work on is allowing the child to have her feeling. No pressure from me to become happy.

amother

Blushpink ↓

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 8:42 pm

amother OP wrote:

Im thinking she's crying because her mother thinks

Quote:

She has a drop of an irking personality.

amother

Maple

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 8:43 pm

snowflake1 wrote:

I will call her mother and let her know what’s going on she might give you more info and if not at least the mother should know so she can deal with it

Seems like op is the mother

amother

Razzmatazz

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 8:48 pm

Do you find out later what was bothering her? If yes, then she's a sensitive soul and needs acknowledgement, sympathy, and reassurance that you care but you don't have to stay the whole time. Kind of just check in a every few minutes. I see your still sad, oooohhhh- I hope you feel better soon.
If you don't find out why she cries most of the time, I would bring her to a play therapist. This is not within normal behavior

amother

↑ OP

Mon, Dec 16 2024, 8:51 pm

amother Razzmatazz wrote:

Sometimes yes sometimes not.
When I do find out the crying doesn’t equal the crime. Like my son 3 years younger than her bothered her.

amother

↑ Blushpink

Yesterday at 7:39 am

amother OP wrote:

Sometimes yes sometimes not.
When I do find out the crying doesn’t equal the crime. Like my son 3 years younger than her bothered her.

For you that's a small thing to her it's big. And she needs your empathy.

amother

Mayflower

Yesterday at 7:48 am

snowflake1 wrote:

I will call her mother and let her know what’s going on she might give you more info and if not at least the mother should know so she can deal with it

I believe the mother is asking the question

amother

Seagreen

Yesterday at 8:21 am

You're putting alot of pressure on yourself and her that she should be happy. It's ok for her to feel sad, even about small things.

Don't ask over and over what's wrong. Let her feel her feelings. Tell your that you're here if and when she's ready to tell you. And you can always ask again later when you're both calm, if you want.

And you can sit with her for a bit but it's ok not stay with her the whole time she's crying. She may want to regulate by herself anyways. Or you can ask her if she wants you to stay when her or not.

amother

Lemon ↓

Yesterday at 8:24 am

Is she anxious in general? Do you give her more attention when she cries vs when she comes and says someone hurt me? Maybe she feels more validation from you when crying?

amother

Indigo

Yesterday at 8:49 am

Give her a lot of empathy and compassion.
"I see you're so sad. I feel so bad for you".
and the like.

amother

↑ Lemon

Yesterday at 8:52 am

amother Indigo wrote:

Give her a lot of empathy and compassion.
"I see you're so sad. I feel so bad for you".
and the like.

I don’t find this leads to healthy habits. It’s better to acknowledge and then move on or to move to finding solutions. I don’t know if I feel is bad for you is an attitude we want to give over. It’s better to say I see you are sad I am here if you want to talk about anything. Saying I feel so bad for you is adding a lot of negative emotions to crying. And it’s ok to cry when we are sad it’s not an I feel so bad for you situation.