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-> Parenting our children
-> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)
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ora_43
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Mon, Dec 16 2024, 5:10 am
The two things I think are critical at younger ages:
1. Curiosity!
Encourage your kid to ask questions and start teaching her to find answers. Why does this sink, and that floats? Why are four 2s the same as two 4s? Why do we see the full moon sometimes, and other times, only half the moon?
Breaking this down a bit more: (1) when she asks questions, engage with her, either by giving an answer or suggesting a place to find one, (2) give praise for good questions, (3) occasionally ask her questions like 'why do you think it does that?' or 'why do you think that is?' to encourage her to wonder.
2. Major concepts
OK this is just me and some might think I'm nuts, but I like to briefly review major concepts from fields like math, history, politics, on a child-friendly level. Not all at age 4.5 but more like ages 4-10.
Things like: variables, combinatorics, the connections between major world events, basic logic, what is and isn't a reliable source, how to test theories, how to spot bias.
I know that sounds like a crazy advanced list but I'm talking about on a very basic level. Eg variables for a somewhat-advanced 6-year-old might be, "OK, I have a secret number. If I multiply it by 2 and add 3, I get 7. What's my secret number?"
Logic for a 9-year-old would be basic word puzzles.
Learning about reliable sources and bias for a 7-year-old would be like, if we're talking about the war, saying, "Our newspaper says this. What do you think their newspaper might say?"
There are 2 main ideas here:
- just to start training their mind for the kind of thinking they'll have to do later. So that eg when they hit 7th grade, the introduction of variables is less scary/off-putting than it might otherwise be. Or when they start learning programming, the concept of if/then comes more naturally.
- to make sure that as they increasingly learn on their own (with or without my knowledge) they're learning in a correct way - choosing reliable sources, being aware of potential biases, etc. (I talk about this stuff in a more straightforward way when they're more like 11-13 years old)
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ora_43
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Mon, Dec 16 2024, 5:12 am
On a practical level, at age 4.5 that means:
- encouraging her questions
- asking her questions
- looking for educational material for her that's creative and explores lots of concepts, rather than just advancing in the regular curriculum (solving 1st grade stuff instead of pre-K).
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imasinger
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Mon, Dec 16 2024, 6:03 am
Given the thread you linked, describing extremely stubborn singleminded focus, sensory issues, and the like, I think you absolutely should have her evaluated. ASD kids often show academic excellence, hand in hand with the other characteristics you mentioned.
In increasing intellectual stimulation opportunities, you can also look to help her grow social/emotional/ethical development.
Regularly pose dilemmas or challenges, evaluate options for what is kindest, talk about the sometimes competing viewpoints that people have, speak aloud in the moment about your own decision process when appropriate. Encourage opportunities for team or group work, and talk up the importance of not dominating.
I'm with several other posters that it's more common for a child with academic gifts to also have some social deficits or challenges. Girls who are described as bringing enthusiasm and energy to a class can also have issues that become more apparent in early elementary years.
Keep an open mind to both continuing to encourage your DD's strengths, and to hearing and understanding areas of challenge. Ask moros questions like, "what areas should we focus on at home to help her become her best?"
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amother
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Mon, Dec 16 2024, 8:56 am
I got a negative attitude from some posters regarding my use of the word gifted, I haven't diagnosed my kid or label her. I just used it (in my title) to explain in which area she might be, so to get a better understanding, she might be gifted and she might not... It was actually brought up by other people on my linked thread. The ones who are saying that it doesn't look like gifted I'd like to know if you also saw my other thread.
To the one mentioning asd, she definitely does not have it but I can see why you thought so.
She had a full evaluating in the past.
I didn't have the time yesterday to type up more about her but now I will.
She's a very curious child, asks questions about everything and is the type to try figuring out how things are working. And she remembers it all.
She was talking sentences by the 15 months and had an expressive clear speech by the 18 months. She'll always use words and expressions above her age.
She knows all the Alef beis for a while already without it being taught.
She can count at least up to 100 and can write single digit numbers, wasn't taught.
She knows the clock.
Knew colors and shapes as a toddler.
She knows multiplication using numbers up to 4 or 5.
Has a hard time with emotional regulation and has strong sensory needs.
She can draw on a level above most of her peers.
She can do 100 piece puzzles.
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amother
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Mon, Dec 16 2024, 1:39 pm
I have several nieces and nephews who were advanced as toddlers or preschoolers. Some have turned out to be smarter than average. One is very very gifted. Some of them are just average. It is interesting to see how their similar performance as toddlers/preschoolers turns out differently once they are older.
One of my daughters dd was very advanced when she was little. Speaking in sentences before age 2 and knowing the whole alphabet in 2 languages. Reading and writing at age 4, doing advanced addition and subtraction and multiplication at age 5, reading and writing in a second language without anyone teaching her at age 6, could play piano both by sight reading and by ear at age 6 (sight reading was with lessons but by ear was not), could dance ballet routines and even taught herself routines from the older groups with no guidance at age 6, and very advanced art skills. Most of this was self taught or with some guidance from us before first grade. Very curious, very verbal, very creative, fantastic memory. However, at age 10 we had her intelligence evaluated by a professional and she was completely average in IQ. She does seem to be a bright kid, but early doesn't necessarily mean gifted or even smart. She may have done things earlier than other kids, but the other kids who started these things later aren't behind later and a not small number have surpassed her.
Even more interestingly is that I was less advanced than this when I was young and I am gifted (evaluated as gifted and with a high IQ). I didn't do these things early, and in fact even did some of them late, such as reading and writing, but I turned out much smarter, so go figure.
However, if your daughter is curious and motivated, who cares if she is gifted or not - curiosity and motivation to work are much better in life than being gifted. So give her things to feed her intelligence - at whatever level that may be, because both kids who are gifted and kids who aren't gifted can love to learn.
Most important is no pressure. At this age, they do it because they like it. If there is too much pressure early on, they can burn out and then hate school. I recommend puzzles, activity books that involve tracing numbers or letters, imaginary toys, art supplies, board games (age appropriate), building toys, etc. Also, read her lots of books - this one is super important.
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#BestBubby
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Mon, Dec 16 2024, 4:46 pm
Whether a child is gifted, average, or delayed
Parents CAN increase their I.q. and talents.
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amother
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Mon, Dec 16 2024, 4:50 pm
amother OP wrote: | To the one mentioning asd, she definitely does not have it but I can see why you thought so.
She had a full evaluating in the past. | WADR your child is 4. Often kids who are able to compensate at that age qualify for a diagnosis when they're a bit older. Same for the social skills. It doesn't take much to be socially up to par at age 4. Gifted kids tend to fall behind when they get older. Not all of them! But many do, and you can't know these things at age 4.
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amother
Firebrick
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Mon, Dec 16 2024, 4:54 pm
amother Mayflower wrote: | I have several nieces and nephews who were advanced as toddlers or preschoolers. Some have turned out to be smarter than average. One is very very gifted. Some of them are just average. It is interesting to see how their similar performance as toddlers/preschoolers turns out differently once they are older.
One of my daughters dd was very advanced when she was little. Speaking in sentences before age 2 and knowing the whole alphabet in 2 languages. Reading and writing at age 4, doing advanced addition and subtraction and multiplication at age 5, reading and writing in a second language without anyone teaching her at age 6, could play piano both by sight reading and by ear at age 6 (sight reading was with lessons but by ear was not), could dance ballet routines and even taught herself routines from the older groups with no guidance at age 6, and very advanced art skills. Most of this was self taught or with some guidance from us before first grade. Very curious, very verbal, very creative, fantastic memory. However, at age 10 we had her intelligence evaluated by a professional and she was completely average in IQ. She does seem to be a bright kid, but early doesn't necessarily mean gifted or even smart. She may have done things earlier than other kids, but the other kids who started these things later aren't behind later and a not small number have surpassed her.
Even more interestingly is that I was less advanced than this when I was young and I am gifted (evaluated as gifted and with a high IQ). I didn't do these things early, and in fact even did some of them late, such as reading and writing, but I turned out much smarter, so go figure.
However, if your daughter is curious and motivated, who cares if she is gifted or not - curiosity and motivation to work are much better in life than being gifted. So give her things to feed her intelligence - at whatever level that may be, because both kids who are gifted and kids who aren't gifted can love to learn.
Most important is no pressure. At this age, they do it because they like it. If there is too much pressure early on, they can burn out and then hate school. I recommend puzzles, activity books that involve tracing numbers or letters, imaginary toys, art supplies, board games (age appropriate), building toys, etc. Also, read her lots of books - this one is super important. |
Curious did you do an online IQ test for yourself or professional evaluation. I’d love to do something online.
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amother
Mulberry
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Mon, Dec 16 2024, 5:00 pm
amother OP wrote: | I got a negative attitude from some posters regarding my use of the word gifted, I haven't diagnosed my kid or label her. I just used it (in my title) to explain in which area she might be, so to get a better understanding, she might be gifted and she might not... It was actually brought up by other people on my linked thread. The ones who are saying that it doesn't look like gifted I'd like to know if you also saw my other thread.
To the one mentioning asd, she definitely does not have it but I can see why you thought so.
She had a full evaluating in the past.
I didn't have the time yesterday to type up more about her but now I will.
She's a very curious child, asks questions about everything and is the type to try figuring out how things are working. And she remembers it all.
She was talking sentences by the 15 months and had an expressive clear speech by the 18 months. She'll always use words and expressions above her age.
She knows all the Alef beis for a while already without it being taught.
She can count at least up to 100 and can write single digit numbers, wasn't taught.
She knows the clock.
Knew colors and shapes as a toddler.
She knows multiplication using numbers up to 4 or 5.
Has a hard time with emotional regulation and has strong sensory needs.
She can draw on a level above most of her peers.
She can do 100 piece puzzles. |
Doing all this at age 4.5 is great but it doesn’t necessarily mean your child will be gifted as she gets older. 4 is an age where there can be big discrepancies between kids when it comes to knowledge. A lot has to do with exposure. At this age, it’s not only the ability to count to 100 or read a clock that determines IQ. It’s primarily her fluid, verbal, quantitative, and spatial reasoning skills at this age that will determine if she truly is gifted or if she simply is a bright kid who is learning quicker than her peers for this stage of her life.
Have you had her evaluated by the board of Ed? If so, her IQ should be available to you.
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amother
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Mon, Dec 16 2024, 6:21 pm
amother Firebrick wrote: | Curious did you do an online IQ test for yourself or professional evaluation. I’d love to do something online. |
I had my IQ evaluated by a professional, more than once at various ages.
There may be IQ tests online that you can do, for a fee, the free ones don't seem to be the full assessment.
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chocolate moose
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Mon, Dec 16 2024, 6:48 pm
kids catch up. it might not mean anything.
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