Being there when the kids leave vs when they come home

Golde

Today at 3:30 am

What matters the most is what you and your family think is most important, not what works for the rest of us.
My children's clear preference is that I'm there in the morning.

amother

Pansy

Today at 3:35 am

While morning might be of more practical use to the kids (especially for younger kids or less organized kids who have trouble getting themselves together and out the door) I find the quality of interaction in the afternoon when they get back from school to be much greater.

amother

Scarlet

Today at 3:41 am

I hate these threads because there are no “rules” obviously the more your home the better it is for kids. Most of us work because we have no choice. We all do the best we can. Most of us would love to be home for them before they leave and when they get home. We dont usually get to decide that. Bh most kids turn out ok when they know their parents love them and care about them and are present when they are together.

amother

Brunette

Today at 3:45 am

I'm probably weird. I used to wait until I heard my father leave to Shachris and then knock on my mothers door to say goodbye. I wanted not to have to deal with people in the morning.

In the afternoon, as I got close to the house, I'd look to see which cars were out there. Normally my mother was home, so I'd prepare myself for ten to fifteen minutes conversation about the day. If only my father was there, he was normally working, so I could get away with five minutes. If neither was there, I could go to my room and relax and let go of the day without having to see anyone - that was my favourite.

Do what works for you, but be aware of what your children really need. Sometimes solitude helps more than conversation.

learning1

Today at 4:19 am

amother OP wrote:

Wow, okay. I see the vast majority think it’s more important to be home in the afternoon. I appreciate all the responses!

Honestly though, my children don’t get on the bus to school until close to 8:30 and their home around 4:15. I’m so happy for the mother who can work full time and do both morning and afternoon… but that’s not very realistic with my kids’ timing and about a 45 minute commute for me.

My kids seem to prefer when I'm home for them in the morning and help them prepare, get ready, and send them off. They don't mind a lot when I return a bit after them. So I'm inclined towards mornings.

Petra

Today at 5:33 am

I think its more practical to be home in the morning. They need help getting ready for their whole day. When they get home in the afternoon, they dont need help getting ready to be home. They are happy they are home, for one. And then Mommy will be home shortly. So its a different vibe compared to morning. This is my personal take.

amother

Daphne

Today at 5:56 am

Some of my kids are frazzled and cranky in the morning and wouldn’t cope without mommy around to pack up their backpacks, adjust their shirt collars and guide them to the bus stop.
By the time they get home, they’re relaxed and fine chilling in their rooms etc, until I get home.
Other kids are opposite.
There’s no one size fit all.

amother

DarkGreen

Today at 6:18 am

amother OP wrote:

I hear what everyone is saying, but when I walk back from waiting with my children at their bus stops and waving to them as they ride off to school and I see a babysitter waiting with my neighbor’s kids for their bus… it makes me unsure that that is necessarily better.

That's just what looks better to the public eye.
Try to compare in your mind- kids coming home to a warm loving mother, who showers them with hugs and kisses and listens attentively to the details of their day, vs coming home to a babysitter.

lamplighter

Today at 8:21 am

In a hypothetical ideal situation I think being home when they come home is more important. They come home to you as their safe space, they decompress from the day, the love and stability of seeing their mother home and available is ideal. The morning is very task based often lots of rushing or stress, focus is on getting out the door. Many times my kids leave still upset over something or harried. I don't feel like it's all la de dah positive bonding time in the morning.
If I had to choose one it would be be home when they come home.

flowerpower

Today at 8:30 am

Definitely a huge bonus if they come home to a happy mama. Bonus if dinner is cooking so the smell adds to the welcoming site