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-> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
amother
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 Mon, Dec 16 2024, 11:29 am
And I do all the same things you do so that we have food on the table, heat in the winter and the ability to buy clothing when we need to.
We are in Israel, so the tuition is much lower than what the other thread was talking about, but we still live month to month and if I didnt work, we would be in more debt than we already are.
And I am a shmatta. I work full time, come home, do dinner, laundry, homework, bedtime. My husband also works full time, his commute is longer than mine, but when he gets home he is also fully on.
If I didnt have to work full time or at all, I would not. There are a few things that I would love to volunteer for. But thats life.
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amother
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Mon, Dec 16 2024, 11:30 am
I understand op
my issue is that my day cares in my area are only from 9 to 3 and fri 9 to 12.
so thats the only time I have to work including any possible commute.
so im really limited
even if I want to I can not work more than that...
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amother
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Mon, Dec 16 2024, 12:06 pm
I'm sure I could do that if I ran on adrenaline.
But then I'd crash very hard and my family would be much worse off for it.
So even though I technically can, I really can't.
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amother
Cadetblue
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Mon, Dec 16 2024, 12:21 pm
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I used to work full time, now I work around 30 hours a week. I do think that everyone COULD do it. I also firmly believe that there is a fallout for many families, and that fallout is not negligible. The fallout is going to be different for every family, and it's really not irresponsible to consider what it will be before deciding to go all in.
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amother
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Mon, Dec 16 2024, 12:30 pm
When I say " I don't know how you do it" to someone, I really truly mean it.
Just because you have to do something, doesn't mean you are capable of doing it.
I did it. And had a mental health breakdown and was incredibly su1cidal. I had to take about 9 months off in the end. Now I have to work only part time. No we can't afford tuition. We also recognized that parnassah comes from HKBH and we have to do the best we can.
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amother
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Mon, Dec 16 2024, 12:39 pm
Op I’m with you 100000%
you are me.
and yea full time means 8 hours a day 5 days a week
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amother
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Mon, Dec 16 2024, 12:40 pm
| amother Moccasin wrote: | I used to work and I used to have the same mindset. And then I realized that I'm not in charge! I do not have control over my finances. I thought that If I worked hard enough, and if I accepted more accounts (I was a business owner) then everything would work out fine and I'd be able to cover my rent and expenses and bills and still be a mother to my kids.
One fine day, I realized all I needed was a bank account and basic histadlut. My husband has a well paying job that On paper Covers most of our basic bills. And that is my histadlut.
I closed down my business and stayed home with my kids and had more kids. I learn for 30 minutes a day different seforim on bitqchon And I pray.
Hashem Has not forsaken me yet. We cover our bills monthly. We do not splurge on extras, we do not buy new clothing every season, we do not even buy dessert or chocolate We live simply within our means
If Hashem Wants to make that happen for me He will.
I am not here to preach. I am not better than you I am offering a different perspective
I respect everyone and their choices, but I am giving you my honest and lived experience |
Love this!!!
100%%%%%
I was also running running running until my health started failing from stress. I took a deep look at myself and my life.
Hashem sets our finances at the begining of each year, and no amount of hustling on my part will change that.
The mashal that really helped me to understand this is imagine if all your money for the year is put into a big barrel with a small faucet. The money will drop out slowly through the year. So you want more money, and you decide to work really hard and drill a bigger whole in the barrel. Your money just comes out faster, but it's no more than you were going to get.
Ever got a bonus and then the car breaks down so your new money has to go that? OR get a raise and then one of your kids needs OT?
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amother
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Mon, Dec 16 2024, 1:03 pm
| amother Hotpink wrote: | I understand op
my issue is that my day cares in my area are only from 9 to 3 and fri 9 to 12.
so thats the only time I have to work including any possible commute.
so im really limited
even if I want to I can not work more than that... |
why not have a nanny in your home? or even a nanny share?
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amother
DarkYellow
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Mon, Dec 16 2024, 1:03 pm
| amother Impatiens wrote: | | I'm not saying that I CAN do it. I'm saying that I HAVE to do it so I do. Yes, I lower my expectations. No, I don't shop around in 5+ stores for the perfect matching outfits for my kids. Yes, I order my weekly groceries. My house is not perfectly cleaned or organized. Yes, I am exhausted a lot of the time. But I push myself to do it because we need the money to afford our very basic, simple, non-extravagant Frum lifestyle. |
That's called can do it even if it's hard. If your kids are not getting fed real food or taken to doctors appointments because you're too overwhelmed. If you have no patience to deal with them and end up screaming to them all night every night. That's where we approach can't.
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amother
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Mon, Dec 16 2024, 1:10 pm
I don't have anyone to nanny share
And I don't make no where near enough to cover a nanny!! I would lose money...
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amother
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Mon, Dec 16 2024, 1:18 pm
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Hope all the smug self righteousness here doesn't come back to haunt you.
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amother
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Mon, Dec 16 2024, 1:25 pm
| amother Cobalt wrote: | | Hope all the smug self righteousness here doesn't come back to haunt you. |
I'm not smug or self-righteous and feel bad if that's the way my posts are coming across. I truly believe that more people have the strength in them and can do more than they allow themselves to do. Yes, it may mean adjusting our own expectations and, perhaps, society's expectations of us.
We live in a world where working hard is looked down upon. I'm here to say that those mothers who work full time should not be looked down upon!
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amother
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Mon, Dec 16 2024, 1:33 pm
| amother Impatiens wrote: | I'm not smug or self-righteous and feel bad if that's the way my posts are coming across. I truly believe that more people have the strength in them and can do more than they allow themselves to do. Yes, it may mean adjusting our own expectations and, perhaps, society's expectations of us.
We live in a world where working hard is looked down upon. I'm here to say that those mothers who work full time should not be looked down upon! |
It is ok to say these things about ourselves but not about other people who we truly do not know their personal situations.
I doubt you'd like it if someone talked about adjusting expectations in the number of children you have. Why six? Eight or ten should be perfectly manageable too. So what if it's hard?
See suddenly it sounds not very nice to say these things.
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amother
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Mon, Dec 16 2024, 1:36 pm
| amother Impatiens wrote: | I'm not smug or self-righteous and feel bad if that's the way my posts are coming across. I truly believe that more people have the strength in them and can do more than they allow themselves to do. Yes, it may mean adjusting our own expectations and, perhaps, society's expectations of us.
We live in a world where working hard is looked down upon. I'm here to say that those mothers who work full time should not be looked down upon! |
No one looks down on you.
I just know from personal expierence that I can't work as hard, so I wonder "How do you do it?:
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amother
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Mon, Dec 16 2024, 1:46 pm
Needing to do it doesn't mean being able to do it.
You say you do it because you need to, as if anyone who can't just doesn't need to.
You realize that not everyone makes it, right?
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amother
Carnation
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Mon, Dec 16 2024, 1:51 pm
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I work full-time. But I think it's sad how feminism was supposed to give women choices and options and now working became a requirement instead that every woman is supposed to meet or else they're lazy and mooching off the public.
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amother
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Mon, Dec 16 2024, 1:58 pm
| amother Carnation wrote: | | I work full-time. But I think it's sad how feminism was supposed to give women choices and options and now working became a requirement instead that every woman is supposed to meet or else they're lazy and mooching off the public. |
Oh please.
For most of history 85% of women worked equally to men.
Equally in the fields, equally in the shops, equally in the factories.
They just got paid pennies to the men's dollars, were often fired for getting married or pregnant, and had no access to their money.
It was a new thing from the 50s-90s that average middld class women didn't work.
Feminism made it that I can access my money. That I can get married, get pregnant and keep my job. That I get paid close to a mens salary.
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. It feels demeaning to me when I work so hard and a SAHM looks at me with pity and says "How do you do it? I would never be able to do that" as if I have a choice in the matter. I don't see it as a choice: I work or my family will be homeless.