S/o kollel are you taking support from someone who can’t….

amother

Gold

Yesterday at 8:12 pm

Have a friend also a sahm not supporter at all husband learning in kollel in Brooklyn. They live in tiny basement, and he tutors tons. they don’t even get food stamps. I live oot where it’s supposedly easier to get by but there’s no way we’d be able to live on just my husbands kollel check

amother

Puce

Yesterday at 8:23 pm

What is this business with parents expecting their daughters to pop out babies and have as many kids as possible? Do parents really tell their daughters that?

amother

↑ Daffodil

Yesterday at 8:28 pm

chestnut wrote:

How could the former be defined as "can't afford"?

Because they should be putting money away for retirement.
Are we expecting them to work until they are dead? What about medical expenses as they age? Or household expenses if and when they are unable to work.

My Florida comment is also I am older than most of you, and in my lifetime, elderly people were often snowbirds as the freezing cold winter is very hard on them, both physically and mentally.

↑ doodlesmom ↓

Yesterday at 8:29 pm

amother Raspberry wrote:

My in laws support their dds and they can't afford it. Somehow they manage it anyway. And since my sils are expected to get married super young with no degree and keep their husbands in learning and pop out babies constantly I think they should be getting that support. How could they do it otherwise?

To be clear, the expectation is coming from my in laws. They want this lifestyle for their daughters (and their son, but that's a conversation for a different day, and no it isn't happening LOL)

I guess at a point their husbands should just start supporting their family….despite their pressure.

↑ doodlesmom ↓

Yesterday at 8:29 pm

amother Currant wrote:

My parents have no money and have never helped us, however I really don't understand what they were thinking. They pressured us to get married very young with little or no savings on an entry level salary, marry a learning boy and have as many kids as possible right away. Some of my siblings are really struggling and I can't help resenting the system.

Then I guess it’s time for their husbands to go to work.

↑ doodlesmom ↓

Yesterday at 8:31 pm

amother Daffodil wrote:

But define not afford? What is your cheshbon?

If one’s parents are 75yo and can pay all their current bills, but can’t retire or cut back on the hours they work or go to Florida to get out of the cold during the winter, is that affording?

What about if they are 55 or 60 and can pay their bills but haven’t gotten a new shaital in years and they need to make a takana wedding for their younger kids (and it is not the community norm).

Are we talking about someone with 50 million dollars who is giving their kids 2K per month, or someone who is just getting by as they work multiple jobs to support kids?

The first 2 both go under the category I’m referring to.
And obviously there are those going into debt for this too.

amother

Lilac

Yesterday at 8:33 pm

Why and when did it become the "ideal" for every boy to sit and learn, when just a fee devades avlgo,it was only a gew specific very snart boys who sat and learn?
It was never meant to be this way. And support? Should not be a thing either. If the couple want the kollel life, they should be living it completely, mesiras nefesh and all.

↑ doodlesmom

Yesterday at 9:20 pm

So no one on this forum even anonymously is being supported by someone who can’t really afford, or supporting someone without making ends meet.

amother

Quince

Yesterday at 9:27 pm

doodlesmom wrote:

So no one on this forum even anonymously is being supported by someone who can’t really afford, or supporting someone without making ends meet.

If that someone was supported by their parents,they would be crazy to admit on such a forum.
Most posters clearly stated what they though about such a system.
Anyone on Imamother long enough wouldn't dare admit to living such a lifestyle!
(Signed a lady who has been working since she got married, who's husband was in full time kollel for 7 yrs and since works in klei kodesh! Hiding

)

amother

↑ Mustard

Yesterday at 9:28 pm

doodlesmom wrote:

So no one on this forum even anonymously is being supported by someone who can’t really afford, or supporting someone without making ends meet.

For the first part - life will become very uncomfortable if you acknowledge that. Better to live with false assumptions, so that one can continue to go on. To be fair, such people are in a tough spot because they lack the means to take over the responsibility.

As for the latter, I don't know why they haven't spoken up. Perhaps they're exhausted from working multiple jobs to pay for it, or maybe they mentally overwhelmed with their growing debts.

amother

Burgundy

Yesterday at 9:31 pm

doodlesmom wrote:

So no one on this forum even anonymously is being supported by someone who can’t really afford, or supporting someone without making ends meet.

No.
My in laws promised all sorts before we got married. Afterwards turned out they didn't have it and were borrowing so we said no thank you. We started married life with my husband learning in every possible kollel he could including lunchtime, netz, Friday afternoon, Shabbos, motzai Shabbos, retzufim (learning 4 hours without talking about anything not learning related), doing tests, writing up chaburos. I worked in a demanding job and took in people's ironing as well.
Now, 25 yrs down the line, my husband is still learning, I bH have a better job which pays, and our maaser money goes to my in laws.