To my dear guest | Imamother

amother

OP ↓

Fri, Dec 06 2024, 11:46 am

Whether you are a friend , someone new coming for a meal, my mother in law ,, or anyone else :
I am so happy to have the opportunity to host you for a meal. I happily spent energy and time cooking and preparing all the dishes that I will serve. If you decide you want to make/bring a main/side that is so kind - but please let me know in advance. When you arrive on Friday afternoon for shabbos or right before the seuda for a meal and you present your kugel/salad/makn dish / soup , while I appreciate your time and effort - it is not a help at that point ! I already prepared all the dishes and what goes with what and how to heat it up and what to serve it in. If you would have shared with me in advance that you will be bringing such and such dish - that would have been a help ! Now I just have another thing to figure out that I had not planned for. Thank you for your kindness , please take iyour kindness all the way and just let me know before . Thank you for joining us for shabbos/ the meal. Love , your hostess

amother

Aubergine ↓

Fri, Dec 06 2024, 11:56 am

Question: if your guests genuinely cannot commit to making something in advance, particularly something specific, and will only know last minute, would you rather they bring nothing? Is there something they could being that could be helpful even if you don't know about it in advance, or at least that won't cause any stress?

amother

Skyblue

Fri, Dec 06 2024, 11:58 am

amother Aubergine wrote:

Wine/ cake.

But also I sometimes I tell a good friend that she can bring an extra side if she’s up to it- but no pressure (I’ll tell her what I’m making).

amother

↑ OP ↓

Fri, Dec 06 2024, 11:59 am

amother Aubergine wrote:

First of all , if I’m inviting you I don’t *expect* you to bring anything. I’m inviting you for you not your food. If you do feel you want to bring something out of politeness (I know I would ) , and you can’t let me know in advance , a small gift for the house or a nut/candy small platter is thoughtful and doesn’t give me a job of coordinating serving with the other things I already prepared. Thank you.

amother

↑ Molasses

Fri, Dec 06 2024, 11:59 am

amother Aubergine wrote:

If I am hosting guest, and they decide 2 hours before coming to me that they want to bring something, then I would prefer that they send me then a text that they decided to bring xzy. I would really appreciate it so much more then if they just showed up at my house with it.

amother

↑ Aubergine

Fri, Dec 06 2024, 12:06 pm

amother Molasses wrote:

This, I can do- thanks. And cake. I've learned over the years to never bring a gift with nuts into a house without asking first. And only bring wine if I know it will be appreciated- otherwise the host feels awkward.

amother

↑ OP

Fri, Dec 06 2024, 12:07 pm

amother Molasses wrote:

Thank you so much for this post!!! I host guest for Shabbos meals about 2x a month and I agree so much with everything that you said.

❤️

amother

Teal

Fri, Dec 06 2024, 12:14 pm

Dessert, any, is always appreciated.
I’m ok with ppl bringing food, though.

I feel this way about flowers
I get sent bouquets not in a vase
That is super extra work for me
Plus I don’t know how to present them nicely.
I feel bad because I know it’s expensive
There is one person that I’ve said this to, and if she (or her parents) send flowers she does so in a vase

amother

Fuchsia

Sat, Dec 07 2024, 10:33 am

amother Aubergine wrote:

Yes. I host almost every shabbos and this is my biggest pet peeve. If you offer in advance I'm so happy to take you up on the offer. But after I already cooked or took something out of the freezer, it's not helpful and I just will end up throwing out food.

If you want to bring something without telling me first a bottle of wine or candy platter works.

amother

Aster

Sat, Dec 07 2024, 11:31 am

amother Teal wrote:

Yes!!! And it doesn't have to be a vase (expensive), you can get flowers (in a bag of water) packaged in a pretty box!

amother

Indigo

Sat, Dec 07 2024, 11:37 am

I totally understand this. And especially when you’ve literally made the exact same thing like a potato kugel. Because had I known even two hours ahead of time I could’ve put mine in the freezer and put hers on to heat up but to have two of the same thing I certainly don’t need. I think that if you don’t know what you want to bring but you wanna bring some thing You never have too many desserts

heidi

Sat, Dec 07 2024, 12:12 pm

Actually I don't mind being surprised- even a duplicate - doesn't bother me
Except
Challah- my challah is amazing fresh, eh out of the freezer- I'll obviously use the one brought and mine will go to waste- when I think of the effort I put into it--

amother

Banana

Sat, Dec 07 2024, 5:58 pm

I would not appreciate my guests bringing me any home made food of their own, (even if asked in advance) and I certainly would not appreciate it last minute.
If someone feels like they would like to bring something, pick up the phone and call or text and ask Could I bring a fruit platter? Etc.

amother

Seafoam

Sat, Dec 07 2024, 6:14 pm

amother Aubergine wrote:

They can bring an extra, a baked good,chocolate, flowers , wine. Those can always be appreciated-at least by us

amother

Powderblue

Sat, Dec 07 2024, 6:54 pm

I hate when they bring candy. I try so hard not to give my kids food dyes and pure sugar junk but if a guest brings it, there goes that.

I don't mind if they bring a side dish, I feel like at least there's something I know for sure they'll eat!

We don't drink wine, but I would either re-gift a bottle of wine or save for pesach, or put it out if the guest will drink it.

I don't terribly mind flowers, but it is extra work in terms of trimming the stems and then disposing of them later on and cleaning the vase.

Really, truly, honestly I don't need a guest to bring anything. But I understand not wanting to go empty-handed.

amother

Anemone

Sat, Dec 07 2024, 6:58 pm

We don't eat a lot of candy or cake so I disagree that you can never have too much dessert. And if you bring it I need to serve it and I would rather not.

amother

Jade

Sun, Dec 08 2024, 6:04 am

I see here that you can never get it "right" to bring anything Rolling Eyes

As much as everyone says "don't bring anything, we're good" it's awkward to come empty handed. Im screwed with whatever I bring.
(But I for sure don't come with a side dish, never even thought to.)

flowerpower

Sun, Dec 08 2024, 6:57 am

I host a lot. If I have guest for the meal they usually come either empty handed or bring a wine. I never ever had a guest bring a homemade dish or dessert.