Moving Out of Town

amother

OP ↓

Mon, Dec 02 2024, 12:50 pm

My husband is thinking he wants to move to an out of town city that is 6 hours away. He thinks it shouldn’t bother me not to live next to family, and we’ll just come in 2/3 times a year. Am I wrong for not wanting that? I don’t even want to travel for 12 hours to check out the place, can’t imagine doing it every time we want to come in for something.

Success10 ↓

Mon, Dec 02 2024, 12:54 pm

Moving out of town has many pluses and minuses. Obviously being far from family is a valid reason to be swayed from moving. You both need to sit down together and decide what’s best for everyone. It’s not him vs. you. Why does he want to move? How will it benefit the family?

nicole81

Mon, Dec 02 2024, 1:01 pm

You need to be on the same page. Why does he want to move? Forget the distance at first and just figure out the what (ie if you should move and why), and then you can discuss the where.

amother

Honeysuckle ↓

Mon, Dec 02 2024, 1:03 pm

I am literally in the same exact situation right now
I'm so sad to move away from family, but I probably will have to because it's whst my husband wants so badly and he us miserable now

amother

Mimosa ↓

Mon, Dec 02 2024, 1:09 pm

amother OP wrote:

Is there a very good job opportunity there?

amother

↑ OP

Mon, Dec 02 2024, 2:44 pm

amother Honeysuckle wrote:

I am literally in the same exact situation right now
I'm so sad to move away from family, but I probably will have to because it's whst my husband wants so badly and he us miserable now

Why does he want to move there? Do you know anyone who lives there?

amother

Powderblue

Mon, Dec 02 2024, 2:47 pm

My friend who did this is miserable and lonely. Her husband has friends through the kollel but she doesn’t. Her friends and family are all far away. It makes life harder in so many ways.

amother

Clover

Mon, Dec 02 2024, 3:57 pm

Judging based on your current feelings it sounds like a bad idea.

What you could do is be open to spend a shabbos there. And then if its still no, then no.

amother

Tanzanite

Mon, Dec 02 2024, 3:58 pm

amother Honeysuckle wrote:

I am literally in the same exact situation right now
I'm so sad to move away from family, but I probably will have to because it's whst my husband wants so badly and he us miserable now

Same same.
Husband wants to move abroad, back to the place he was raised. after begging for a few years, I think I can no longer fight fate and will just have to accept going to live in that country

amother

↑ Mimosa

Mon, Dec 02 2024, 5:26 pm

amother OP wrote:

It would be to join a kollel

Are you in kollel now and would you potentially be moving with a group of friends?

Have you seen it and are there other plans for your husband if ur not interested

mha3484

Mon, Dec 02 2024, 5:40 pm

A lot of people are like you. I live OOT and many of the families coming here to join the kollelim have one relative already here either a sibling or cousin. Its very overwhelming to move to a new place where you don't know a soul.

I think there is also a group who really want to stay in kollel at all costs so they look for a paying kollel and are willing to really go outside their comfort zone to fund it. They have a touch of idealism that makes the idea less scary.

amother

Hyacinth

Today at 12:48 pm

Are you by any chance referring to Rochester? I’m only asking bec the info sounds like it fits, but feel free not to answer if you feel the information will give you away. The Rochester community recently started a new Kollel which to my knowledge is going well. Although it is a 6 hour drive to the tristate area, Rochester is a wonderful and welcoming community. Weather is rough in the winter months which can make socializing challenging, but there are tons of opportunities for socializing in the spring, summer and fall months. The community works very hard to make inclusive events throughout the winter as well. If you are open to it, you may be surprised at how nice the community is. I will say that if you are not open to the idea and move under duress, you will likely not be happy.

amother

↑ Honeysuckle

Today at 1:20 pm

amother OP wrote:

Why does he want to move there? Do you know anyone who lives there?

Mostly for quality of life, he hates living "in town"
I don't know anyone there...

amother

Poppy

Today at 2:05 pm

To give perspective, we moved way OOT for a tiny kollel a number of years ago and loved it! All of us kollel families were very far from family and became good friends. I felt like I was making a difference in the community and it was a very positive experience. We have all since moved on. You need to be on board but it can be positive if you are interested in making it work.