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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
yiddishmom
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 Today at 10:06 am
| amother Oxfordblue wrote: | | Very often there if no way to be Dan lkaf zechus. Many people spend beyond their means and expect others to fund their lavish lifestyle. It is what it is |
I personally know someone like that.
But this is how you are to be DL"K:
I am sure that this person is doing the best that they can with their skill set of challenges and middos that Hashem gave them.
For example, the person whom I know very very personally and I was directly hurt financially from: said person had a very abusive and dysfunctional upbringing. She had to take care of herself from age 6 already. And as a very young child used to go out to work. Her mother used to steal the money for her, because she needed it for more important things.
At age 50+, said person still needs money to buy, buy, buy, because that gives her a sense of security. And she also has absorbed the message from her mother that you can take someone else's money and use it for important matters. Since "buying/ owning things" is a big part of her "oxygen" right now, she wrongly justifies herself to use other people's money, in the hopes that eventually she'll be able to repay.
This woman isn't "bad" or "mean". I know, because I know how nice she is. I also know that she has been working on herself every single day, and her transformation over the years is incredible!! This challenge, apparently, is a BIG one for her, and one that she has improved somewhat over the years, but still has a long way to go.
Being DL"Z is not about finding a practical/ logical good reason why the person did/ didn't do something.
It's being understanding and empathetic to the other person, and believing in them that with the challenges they are currently facing, they are trying THE BEST that they can with their kochos.
And to whatever extend you are being hurt by the other person, that was already predestined by Hashem.
Hard work to process this. But once you do, life is so much easier.
All your challenges are shifted as "between me and my Creator" rather than "between me and the other person".
OP, I hope you are blessed with financial security and comfortability very soon!
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amother
NeonYellow
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Today at 10:13 am
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Many years ago a man would come to my father begging for money every few months because his wife had extremely high standards and it was the only way to keep the peace in the marriage. Eventually that marriage sadly collapsed, but as a child I remember feeling extremely resentful seeing the daughters in school dressed to the nines. They were part of the ‘in’ group, while I walked around in hand me downs. My father kept reiterating to us how important tzedaka without judgement was, but it still stung.
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amother
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Today at 10:36 am
| yiddishmom wrote: | I personally know someone like that.
But this is how you are to be DL"K:
I am sure that this person is doing the best that they can with their skill set of challenges and middos that Hashem gave them.
For example, the person whom I know very very personally and I was directly hurt financially from: said person had a very abusive and dysfunctional upbringing. She had to take care of herself from age 6 already. And as a very young child used to go out to work. Her mother used to steal the money for her, because she needed it for more important things.
At age 50+, said person still needs money to buy, buy, buy, because that gives her a sense of security. And she also has absorbed the message from her mother that you can take someone else's money and use it for important matters. Since "buying/ owning things" is a big part of her "oxygen" right now, she wrongly justifies herself to use other people's money, in the hopes that eventually she'll be able to repay.
This woman isn't "bad" or "mean". I know, because I know how nice she is. I also know that she has been working on herself every single day, and her transformation over the years is incredible!! This challenge, apparently, is a BIG one for her, and one that she has improved somewhat over the years, but still has a long way to go.
Being DL"Z is not about finding a practical/ logical good reason why the person did/ didn't do something.
It's being understanding and empathetic to the other person, and believing in them that with the challenges they are currently facing, they are trying THE BEST that they can with their kochos.
And to whatever extend you are being hurt by the other person, that was already predestined by Hashem.
Hard work to process this. But once you do, life is so much easier.
All your challenges are shifted as "between me and my Creator" rather than "between me and the other person".
OP, I hope you are blessed with financial security and comfortability very soon! |
Thank you for sharing this. It was helpful to read ..
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amother
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Today at 1:10 pm
| yiddishmom wrote: | I personally know someone like that.
But this is how you are to be DL"K:
I am sure that this person is doing the best that they can with their skill set of challenges and middos that Hashem gave them.
For example, the person whom I know very very personally and I was directly hurt financially from: said person had a very abusive and dysfunctional upbringing. She had to take care of herself from age 6 already. And as a very young child used to go out to work. Her mother used to steal the money for her, because she needed it for more important things.
At age 50+, said person still needs money to buy, buy, buy, because that gives her a sense of security. And she also has absorbed the message from her mother that you can take someone else's money and use it for important matters. Since "buying/ owning things" is a big part of her "oxygen" right now, she wrongly justifies herself to use other people's money, in the hopes that eventually she'll be able to repay.
This woman isn't "bad" or "mean". I know, because I know how nice she is. I also know that she has been working on herself every single day, and her transformation over the years is incredible!! This challenge, apparently, is a BIG one for her, and one that she has improved somewhat over the years, but still has a long way to go.
Being DL"Z is not about finding a practical/ logical good reason why the person did/ didn't do something.
It's being understanding and empathetic to the other person, and believing in them that with the challenges they are currently facing, they are trying THE BEST that they can with their kochos.
And to whatever extend you are being hurt by the other person, that was already predestined by Hashem.
Hard work to process this. But once you do, life is so much easier.
All your challenges are shifted as "between me and my Creator" rather than "between me and the other person".
OP, I hope you are blessed with financial security and comfortability very soon! |
Amen! Thank you so much beH
You too!
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amother
Whitesmoke
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Today at 7:31 pm
Do not judge!!! U have no idea what’s really going on in someone else’s life!
I am personally going thru a very rough time financially but if there’s something that I need, (which other ppl may think is a luxury), I will put it on credit card. I do not have the cash!
Some places do not take credit card (personally I wouldn’t shop somewhere that didn’t take credit card if I don’t have the cash)
But again, u have absolutely no idea what’s really going, so DO NOT JUDGE!
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