S/o What were you like in HS? And now?

amother

Red

Mon, Nov 25 2024, 7:31 am

Quiet, nebby, didnt care about schoolwork and marks. Had basically one mismatched friend. Came from a very dysfunctional home with no money or emotional support. I felt unseen, unheard and never got any parts in performances. I have terrible low self esteen and confidence. Always felt like a worm

I moved to a different community. I married bh a gem of man from a very different community who oddly thought I am the most amazing woman to walk on earth.

He believed in me. I went a couple of years to therapy to deal with my childhood. I became a self confident person. My children are quietly popular, confident and oh, so loved.

I have cut ties with my former classmates and community and do not attend reunions. When I did go once, I became the same person as I was in highschool.

I have a wonderful career, family and friends who adore me and wonderful in laws.

Highschool is just a blip in life. Dont let it define you!

amother

Tangerine

Mon, Nov 25 2024, 7:37 am

Physically I looked neglected, for no other reason than I had zero awareness of how I looked. I was in actively being abused by the school and by my parents so I was either in deep emotional pain or dissociated (spacing out, sleeping, reading…). I was friends with mostly other traumatized kids both from my class and different schools, some older than me, some at risk or already otd. I came late a lot, was sent out of class, cut class, and only did well on tests where I already knew the material without learning it. Teachers either came down hard on me, ignored me, or tried to help me. There were times I was in so much pain I’d ask to go to the bathroom and bang my head against the wall.
There were some good times, like performances, school shabbos, just having fun… I don’t think I realized until later how bad it was.
Anyway, I’m doing great today bh. I learned how to dress appropriately, I bh have healthy beautiful children, a good marriage, and am financially comfortable.
I don’t have any close friends really but I do have a social circle.

amother

Sapphire ↓

Mon, Nov 25 2024, 6:39 pm

amother Fern wrote:

Hundred student, full of friends, successfull, a doer, fulfilled and happy.
Just a few years later with Lots of challenges, lonely, depressed, unmotivated, failing life.
When I walk on the street and see hs girls coming from school I just wish I can turn back the clock! Life was so care free and simple!

Not to derail OP. But keep in mind many times HS life is a gift handed to you on a silver platter you did not do anything to deserve it. Who gave you the brains the charm, the 'geshiktkeit', if you had good jobs many times it was not because you 'earned it' it was because of the gifts Hashem gave you and you drank in the feeling of success and loved the administration's praise.
Suddenly real life starts and hey my Ramban's are not making me supper and when I do make supper no-one is thanking me like it was a massive Chesed breakout. My husband doesn't appreciate me like my friends did. He doesn't know all I have to offer I'm just stuck here folding his socks..

So while I am very much generalizing the above many times I find that girls that are super successful in HS their real avodas hamidos happens once real life starts.

Signed, A Teacher

amother

Nemesia ↓

Mon, Nov 25 2024, 8:04 pm

amother Gold wrote:

In HS I was quiet, uncomfortable in my own skin, very insecure.
I've grown into a popular, successful, happy adult, very involved in my community and I wish more HS girls knew that not all of us enjoy our HS years and that who we are as teens does not define the adult we become

I am literally the opposite and it’s a source of great pain to me.

amother

↑ Nemesia

Mon, Nov 25 2024, 8:06 pm

amother Sapphire wrote:

Yes this is me. And it’s hard now and I’m not sure what anyone could have done otherwise.

amother

Goldenrod

Mon, Nov 25 2024, 8:08 pm

amother Sapphire wrote:

This is me in a lot of ways. HS was a blast for me. I had a lot of friends and few close ones, teachers liked me even though my grades were far from perfect, had a great Senior job, and was well liked but not snobby popular at all. Had all the DMCs and hashkafic debates, worked on my yiddishkeit and davening. Overall I was loving life.

Did not know I had ADHD (hence the lack of care about grades and my messy room). Now I just feel like I'm less than those around me because I can't keep up with my life. Lost all my energy from HS and now am just trying to stay on top of laundry, cleaning, cooking, work, parenting, and its SO hard. I wish HS had an adulting class. Could be my ADHD prevented me from gaining the adulting skills thats learned during the teen years I dont know, but I'm drowning.

amother

Hibiscus

Mon, Nov 25 2024, 8:10 pm

amother Calendula wrote:

In high school I had the world at my feet. I was not the Queen Bee, but I had my place and I was for the most part very happy. I very much enjoyed my life, I was successful at more or less successful at what ever I set my mind to and I was sure that my life would continue exactly like that. Today, I've been so burned by disappointment after disappointment and the constant struggle that is life. Don't get me wrong, there is so much good in my life and compared to other tzaros, mine are a walk in the park. I just wasn't prepared for a very difficult ( yet not altogether horrible) marriage, children with mild yet impactful learning disabilities, constant financial struggle, adjusting to moving to the other side of the world, some children going otd and never becoming the successful career woman I always thought I'd be, instead working in a field that I really don't enjoy. I've lost every shred of confidence I ever had, my joi de vivre and I'm basically a shadow of my former self. You wouldn't know it if you met me because I present a very positive, put together image to the world. The worst part of it is though, that even though I really try to work on my emuna, and count my blessings ( of which there are many) I constantly fail and then I eat myself up with guilt for feeling this way when there is so much worse suffering around me.

You have a hard life. You don't have to be so harsh on yourself. You're managing through some pretty intense challenges, even if you like to minimize them.

amother

Lightcoral

Mon, Nov 25 2024, 8:27 pm

amother Coral wrote:

A completely different person.

I was socially and emotionally clueless. I felt like I was drowning every day, daily panic attacks but didn't know why. Anxiety, depression, devoloped codependent relationships, ran into issues with the school. I was a good kid, I wasn't rebellious just struggling with a lot. An abusive home life etc.

I have a lot of good memories from high school though, mainly from my friends. My best friends from there are still my good friends now, 10 years later.

But we're all different people from who we were then.

Can we be friends? Relatable

amother

Skyblue

Mon, Nov 25 2024, 9:56 pm

In HS I was popular, had a boyfriend and was very well liked. I wasnt Frum, lived a very “fun” life, was busy with friends and had a father in the entertainment industry so was busy meeting celebrities and going to parties with famous people (for real),

Fast forward over 20 years later and I’m bH married to a great guy and have a much larger family than I would have ever envisioned in those days. I’m tznius, frum and always looking to grow more. Raising my kids vastly differently than how I was raised. I’m no longer party hopping or miss popular. But I’m so so grateful that my life is the way it is. Don’t get me wrong, I have some challenging kids. But I’m so happy that they don’t have to grow up with boyfriends or the lure of Hollywood.

amother

Daffodil

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 6:47 am

I was quiet, socially awkward, never dressed well. I was a brilliant student but no one appreciated me. I never got any jobs etc.
Fast forward I put myself through college in my 30s and now in a very prestigious profession with colleagues who adore me.
I never had real friends in highschool and still don't have any close friends.

amother

↑ Sapphire

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 7:08 am

amother Skyblue wrote:

Wow! you sound like a real special growing person

amother

Pink

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 5:06 pm

I had my friends in high school but no one really knew who I was, if that makes sense. I was ok, though.
Didn’t have money and that affected me a lot.
Fast forward a few years to now, I’m put together, lost some weight, although I was never overweight. very pretty, married to the best handsome husband and have the cutest baby.
Financially ok, although we’re not wealthy at all we are stable and for me that’s rich.
I’m more confident and in touch with myself than I was then. I was yeshivish in hs and got a little cooler and sharper now. Not really on touch with anyone from hs anymore
I get severe anxiety when I have to go into my school building or bump into friends from school. I revert right back to my old self. I can never send my kids there.
I’m so scared to make new friends because I get scared people won’t like me and I’m scared to let them in. I think that fear started in high school. It makes me sad bec I’m really a lot of fun and a great friend and super social when I don’t have anxiety
We have a class chat and wish happy birthday when it’s someone’s birthday but not once did anyone ever remember mine so ig im kinda invisible
All in all, I’m really glad it’s over and I’d never go back, ever
Thanks for listening haha

amother

Floralwhite

Wed, Nov 27 2024, 1:38 am

I was the girl who had it all. Brains, friends, teachers loved me, great figure, great family. And I was rlly happy. Since marriage been faced with every single challenge under the sun including health issues, financial issues, marital issues, think spouse with addiction and mental illness and so much more. U know they say never to be jealous of that girl in school cuz everyone eventually has challenges...yeah they were right.