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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
amother
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 Yesterday at 7:36 pm
I live in a big building with a lot of young families. The apartments are nice, and from apartment to apartment I can’t hear anything (bh!). But I can hear everything from the hallway. I can hear conversations of the mothers that chill after supper, and I can hear the kids playing.
Here’s my problem- I can’t stop kids from playing and I know it. It’s incredibly noisy, my baby wakes up, I can’t focus on any of my work or take a nap, but it’s the hallway, so I know my hands are tied.
BUT, lately one of children outside tantrums every single evening. I’m not exaggerating, she’s always screaming at the top of her lungs, and very often right by the door of my apartment. I was on the phone with a friend and she asked me why I was ignoring a crying child in my house- that’s how loud it is in my apartment. The first few times I went out to check if she was ok cuz there was a no way a sane mother would leave her kid in the hallway with a ton of people just screaming. But the mother is there, looking tired and she just ignores her daughter.
Im at my wits end. I have work to do when I get home and I can’t because I can’t be on the phone with all the noise. I can’t take a nap because nothing drowns out the noise. My baby can’t stay sleeping for more than 15 minutes because of f the noise
(To clarify, it’s not just the tantruming that’s making all this noise, it’s all the kids of the building playing outside)
Can I say something? Do they have the right to make that much noise in the public hallway and I have to just grit my teeth and allow it?
I’m starting to slowly lose my mind
And this is besides for the scooters and bikes I almost break my neck on when I leave my apartment because the kids leave it scattered everywhere
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amother
Starflower
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Yesterday at 7:39 pm
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Did u try a noise machine for your baby anfdeven for yourself to drown out the noise. Or maybe even earplugs?
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Raizle
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Yesterday at 7:40 pm
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No you are not wrong. You can 100% say something. Especially about the scooters, that's a safety hazard
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amother
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Yesterday at 7:41 pm
| amother Starflower wrote: | | Did u try a noise machine for your bab5anf even for yourself to drown out the noise. Or maybe even earplugs? |
Tried a noise machine… you’re underestimating how loud 8-10 little kids can be
I don’t find earplugs comfortable, and I’m being petty but I don’t think I should go out of my way to be comfortable in my own home
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amother
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Yesterday at 7:43 pm
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I’d talk to building management about hanging up signs in the hallway about not making noise there. People shouldn’t be hanging out there. I’d also maybe approach this mother and say it’s too much can she move down the hall or into her apartment, she can’t leave her crying at your door.
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amother
Peachpuff
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Yesterday at 7:43 pm
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Call the management company or owners of the building to complain.
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amother
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Yesterday at 7:44 pm
That's what tends to happen when you live in a building full of young families. Your baby will also be playing in the hallway in another bit of time.
Get a sound machine (if you don't have one yet.) You can also put a sound machine next to your front door.
Though I would probably say something about the tantruming. That's already mote then the regular amount of noise expected.
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amother
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Yesterday at 7:45 pm
| amother Lavender wrote: | | I’d talk to building management about hanging up signs in the hallway about not making noise there. People shouldn’t be hanging out there. I’d also maybe approach this mother and say it’s too much can she move down the hall or into her apartment, she can’t leave her crying at your door. |
If OP would have older kids, she and her kids would also be hanging out in the hallways. It's part of apartment building living.
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amother
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Yesterday at 7:47 pm
| amother Gardenia wrote: | | If OP would have older kids, she and her kids would also be hanging out in the hallways. It's part of apartment building living. |
I don’t agree. I was always careful that none of us made noise in public spaces. It’s rude and not acceptable. And just because many don’t care and do it doesn’t make it ok.
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amother
DarkGray
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Yesterday at 7:55 pm
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I live in an apartment building too with lots of kids playing in the hallway. If my kid is being extremely noisy I make sure to tell them to be quieter. The noise doesn't really bother me so much Im very good at tuning it out. One neighbor in particular is very bothered by the noise. Mind you, her kids can be extremely noisy and her ND kid tantrums in the hallway daily. When her kids play outside she doesn't really say anything about the noise but the second her kids go inside she gets upset about the noise. It's even worse when she goes somewhere late at night like Thursday night when she goes away for shabbos then she'll let her kids play outside and be noisy until 10-11 pm. If someone else does it she'll get mad and come out yelling or send a snarky text on the neighbors chat. My point with this rant is that I get way more upset when her kids make noise cuz she's always the one complaining about the noise. Generally I don't care if the kids play outside if it's at a reasonable hour.
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amother
Floralwhite
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Yesterday at 7:57 pm
| amother Gardenia wrote: | | If OP would have older kids, she and her kids would also be hanging out in the hallways. It's part of apartment building living. |
Not everywhere.
And where I lived we didn’t hang out in front of the young couples apts/ we hung out in front of our own doors as much as possible.
Letting your kid tantrum in front of someone else’s door is next level.
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amother
Apple
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Yesterday at 7:59 pm
Could it be that the mom of tantruming cold thinks the hallway is for time out?
I had a neighbor like that it was terrible. Speak to her first before going to management
There should be some rules in building about when quiet is
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Raizle
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Yesterday at 8:23 pm
I just want to mention that the mother ignoring the child tantraming is not necessarily neglectful in itself. It's a way of managing it that isn't unacceptable and for many kids ignoring the tantrum is the only way.
Just not right outside your door.
I think you need to empathetically speak to the mom. It might also be that she couldn't physically pick up the tantruming child and was just riding it out till the child was more amenable to bring Shepherded home.
The question is if perhaps you can come up together with ways to prevent it from happening.
Is she hungry and exhausted from a day out of shopping? Maybe mom can make sure she has something to eat and keeps snacks on hand. Just an example
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amother
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Yesterday at 9:26 pm
| amother Gardenia wrote: | That's what tends to happen when you live in a building full of young families. Your baby will also be playing in the hallway in another bit of time.
Get a sound machine (if you don't have one yet.) You can also put a sound machine next to your front door.
Though I would probably say something about the tantruming. That's already mote then the regular amount of noise expected. |
You're spot on with both points
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amother
Lightgreen
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Yesterday at 9:33 pm
Can you ask the kids to play on another floor if it's after a certain time?
Especially if these are kids that don't all live on your floor.
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WhatFor
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Yesterday at 10:01 pm
OP, did you try a "serious" white noise machine? It's not comparable to, for example, playing white noise from an iPad/phone or those baby white noise toys you can stick on a carriage. Look up Lectro Fan white noise machines.
I also agree with the poster saying talk to the mom. Another thought, but this really depends on the kid and the tantrum, is to open your door and say directly to the child in a no-nonsense voice "I can't have screaming outside my door. My baby is trying to sleep. We don't scream in the hallway." Sometimes kids will listen to adults who aren't their parents quicker than they will listen to their parents. We can get into discussions about how it's not your job, but if (and only if) the child might respond to that, then it could be worthwhile, regardless of whose job it is.
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amother
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Yesterday at 10:03 pm
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OP you didn't specify at what time this is happening
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WhatFor
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Yesterday at 10:25 pm
OP wrote evening. She's still trying to do work then. I assume this isn't an issue of people making noise outside of permissible hours, but more about how OP works around the noise and also potential misuse of shared space.
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whitedove11
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Yesterday at 10:42 pm
Oh my! I feel like you're writing my story a few years back! I jumped to move mainly because of the surrounding issues- not the apartment itself.... I felt like I was living in public and had no privacy let alone quiet. I feel for you! Yet I don't have a solution... For large families in small apartments the hallway is their yard.. It's a tough place to be in. But if you have the guts to speak up- do so! in my case I was frowned upon by the older and "wiser" neighbors who didn't consider that they had longer hallways from their door until their living space while my door was right by the kitchen bedroom and dining room...and they sat on the stairs yapping which were right out my door.
Good luck!
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