What is going on the highschools???!!!!

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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling

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amother

Lightyellow

Wed, Nov 20 2024, 11:14 am

Same with my Kindergarten class this year. Very click-ey, 1 strong leader whom the rest if the girs follow and who can be rather mean...
And the more mature, level-headed are having a hard time finding their place socially.
I was thinking this feels like a highschool/ middle school class.

amother

↑ Melon

Wed, Nov 20 2024, 11:22 am

Lovable wrote:

Same
I had friends too
And I did well academically too. But I hated school

I lived for the summer! I was a real camp girl, went since young until post sem every year for a full summer
Made great camp friends and hung out with them after school, and on the phone all year

Op maybe send your daughter to some extra curricular activities at night so she can forget about stupid school
And make her off days and summer give her the boost she needs for the rest of the school year

Send her my best of luck! Give her a hug and tell her she will get through it
And most of all make sure she knows you're always there for her and available to talk. I always had my mom to unload and vent to, after a bad day, over a delicious warm supper. It was a lifesaver in those days

Bhatzlacha!

Heart

Yes we are twins lol I was such a camp/youth group girl!!

amother

Violet

Wed, Nov 20 2024, 6:12 pm

Yes high school is really tough. My self esteem really suffered, I felt like everyone thought I was weird and like I didn’t belong. I had different interests than lots of my classmates and always felt like the quirky one and not in a good way. Fast forward ten years- I think I was actually well liked in high school! My classmates are all so happy to see me and shmooze when I bump into them, and I really get the feeling that they like me for who I am. On the other hand, the girls who were cool but snobby/elitist/looked down on others, they may have been popular but many people disliked them.

amother

↑ Cognac ↓

Wed, Nov 20 2024, 6:15 pm

So question for all those of you who experienced this in high school-
Did the school/ your teachers do anything that helped this ? If not is there anything they could’ve done to help?
I watch this happen year after year and year and I m not sure how I can help. Pairing girls up seems manipulative. Speaking about it seems cliche ..
But I wish I could do something to mitigate it all

amother

Peru

Wed, Nov 20 2024, 6:26 pm

I didn't read through all the responses but did want to respond to the OP.

I was a neb in 10th grade. No friends, felt rejected and invisible. Some girls were outright mean and nasty. I was a nice sweet girl, I did well academically, there was no reason for any of it.
Fast forward a few years and I worked in a lage company and made many friends. Guess what, the girl that was meanest to me in school also got hired there too. But I somehow blossomed there, my personality and humor came out, and she was actually vying for my friendship because I was much more popular than she was. And because it isn't high school and I'm not a mean person I befriended her. But it felt good .
So don't give up. This doesn't mean anything for her future. I'm not saying it can't affect her self esteem, it could and it did mine. But with your support and with Tefillos and surrounding herself with supportive people she'll get to the other side. I bench you that it should happen easily and smoothly

amother

Caramel

Wed, Nov 20 2024, 6:33 pm

At the 10th grade orientation a teacher spoke to us mothers and gave us heads up that starting a little after sukkos, a lot of girls start feeling like they have no friends. This is usually the result of the large 9th grade groups of friends splitting up into smaller groups of friends. Some girls find themselves with no one. She said it's normal and temporary. Most girls find their spot and make good friends eventually.

amother

Mistyrose

Wed, Nov 20 2024, 11:46 pm

amother Cognac wrote:

Why is speaking about it cliche?, why can't girls be taught how to have good middos. Why can't they role play looking out for people who seem alone and smiling and saying a nice word. You can't make people be friends with other people but you can teach skills that help girls become "nice" people.

amother

↑ Cognac

Thu, Nov 21 2024, 6:25 am

amother Mistyrose wrote:

Because high schoolers have 15 teachers on avg . One or two can bring it up to discuss but if every teacher comes in to discuss friends etc it becomes cliche and many times has the opposite effect . Being that I’m a chol teacher I try to work it into lessons casually but I’m curious as to what those of you that felt this saw thee most helpful

amother

Phlox ↓

Thu, Nov 21 2024, 6:36 am

amother Cognac wrote:

Honestly I don't think friendships can be socially engineered....I do think bullying should be addressed, but I have seen that teachers sometimes have a uniquely blind spot to bullies. My DD's have told me that they see the bullies suck up to the teachers. The teachers actually think the bullies are the nice girls. This goes on in alot of high schools.
When I was in high school I mentioned the struggle with friends to a teacher, so she told me to try to be friends with two girls in my grade....I tried, for the next two years. They were nice girls and were nice to me. But I wasn't really part of their group. They were close and didn't need a 3rd wheel, and why should they be forced to have one, really.
My current high schooler is in the cool group. I tell her over and over to be nice to people, and I really think she tries. But you have a very annoying, socially-controlling girl who is trying to break into the group, and she is driving them crazy (and also is inappropriate in certain areas.) So they try to be nice, but no, they aren't really her friend and she gets all offended if she finds out some of them got together and she wasn't invited. (lots of times only some people in a group get together and not everyone is informed every single time, and it's ok. But she makes a whole drama scene if DD studied with someone and she didn't know....)

amother

Bisque ↓

Thu, Nov 21 2024, 6:48 am

amother Razzmatazz wrote:

My daughter’s in a high school In Lakewood and it seems like the whole school is friends with each other, doesn’t matter what grade ur in. I’m sure there r some exceptions but that’s what it seems like overall

what school? I'm so curious!!!

↑ Chayalle ↓

Thu, Nov 21 2024, 6:50 am

amother Bisque wrote:

what school? I'm so curious!!!

I'm not that poster but my DD is in BK, and it's like that to some extent.

Though two girls can go to the same high school and have two different experiences.

amother

↑ Bisque

Thu, Nov 21 2024, 6:52 am

amother Brass wrote:

I think a lot has to do with the school as well. Yes, tenth grade is a hard year and politics happen in all schools but some schools definitely have it more than others. I’m in Lakewood and there’s one specific school that I’m thinking of where middos are sorely lacking. I have a few nieces there that were so sweet before they started school and now it’s like what happened to them? (And they are the “in” girls) I spoke to someone who deals with getting girls into high school and she said the focus and pressure in this school is just crazy. The girls are not happy.

I wonder if it's the same school my neighbors go to! They became so intense from the pressure of brands.... is it sd?

amother

↑ Razzmatazz ↓

Thu, Nov 21 2024, 6:53 am

amother Bisque wrote:

what school? I'm so curious!!!

Aderes

amother

Kiwi

Thu, Nov 21 2024, 6:54 am

amother Bisque wrote:

what school? I'm so curious!!!

The school I teach in is like this too. It’s a smaller school. I think it’s hard to achieve that in a large school.

↑ Chayalle ↓

Thu, Nov 21 2024, 6:57 am

amother Kiwi wrote:

The school I teach in is like this too. It’s a smaller school. I think it’s hard to achieve that in a large school.

For sure. My girls went to BF elementary school and they didn't even all know their whole grade! In High School, DD became really good friends with a sweet girl, I'll call her Sara. Sara told DD she went to BF, and DD only believed her after looking and finding her picture in the yearbook. So in a big school, you aren't going to have the "one big happy family" setting.....

amother

Myrtle

Thu, Nov 21 2024, 7:13 am

Ruchel wrote:

You know what's worse than high school? MIDDLE.

Right? So much worse. I found people were a lot more mature in high school. Not that I had friends, but that was due to trauma and not believing I deserved any

amother

Candycane

Thu, Nov 21 2024, 8:00 am

amother Ginger wrote:

I think it's significantly harder these days. We didn't have these "groups" that you need to break into.

Oh sure we did. And I went to a very large OOT school.

amother

Black

Thu, Nov 21 2024, 8:03 am

amother OP wrote:

How will their high school years affect them for life? I'm seriously concerned. It's enough to rip out their self esteem.

Yep. High school was torture for me. Took many years for me 5o get over it. Bh happily married wirh wonderful husband and kids now

Remind her that there is life beyond high school

small bean ↓

Thu, Nov 21 2024, 8:08 am

amother Razzmatazz wrote:

Aderes

I know girls in this school who don't feel like that at all and have no friends.

It's really not about the school but the actual student. There's no school where every girl is included and feels liked. Never was and never will be.

↑ Chayalle ↓

Thu, Nov 21 2024, 8:11 am

small bean wrote:

Yes exactly this. If you ask one parent in school A how the social scene is, and her daughter is socially successful, she will say it's amazing. That doesn't account for every girl in the school, and it's why I think no two girls in the same school have the same experience.

I do think it can be true that some schools have a friendlier climate than others, but that doesn't mean it works for every student there.

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