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Forum
-> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
amother
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 Yesterday at 11:34 am
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The cliques, the politics, the nastiness, when will these girls grow up??? My daughter is in 10th grade , she's sweet, kind,mature and pleasant, , and she's just not making it with friends. It's so tough for them and I'm sure she's not the only one...
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amother
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Yesterday at 11:36 am
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I'm glad I'm done with high-school! It's normal...tho some kids have it easier then others.
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Success10
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Yesterday at 11:36 am
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This is not new. It’s been going on since the dawn of high schools.
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amother
Oatmeal
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Yesterday at 11:37 am
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It’s been like that always. There’s a reason when women are acting mean or clique-ey it’s called being “high school”
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amother
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Yesterday at 11:39 am
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How will their high school years affect them for life? I'm seriously concerned. It's enough to rip out their self esteem.
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amother
Butterscotch
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Yesterday at 11:40 am
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So sorry for your daughter. I hope she knows it's not about her it's just where she is. There is so much insecurity in high school, it comes out in the form of drama.
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amother
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Yesterday at 11:43 am
I teach in high-school, and remember this from my own high-school days as well... Girls who are confident with who they are, and are happy to be friends with those who might be considered 'nebby' are happier. The politics often stem from girls who want to have an in with the 'in' girls, but they don't quite make the cut, so they struggle.
Once they stop running after certain girls and make friends with those who want them, they're waaaay happier. And they find that said girls are real quality girls.
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Chayalle
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Yesterday at 11:53 am
| amother Milk wrote: | I teach in high-school, and remember this from my own high-school days as well... Girls who are confident with who they are, and are happy to be friends with those who might be considered 'nebby' are happier. The politics often stem from girls who want to have an in with the 'in' girls, but they don't quite make the cut, so they struggle.
Once they stop running after certain girls and make friends with those who want them, they're waaaay happier. And they find that said girls are real quality girls. |
This. It's often about wanting to be friends with certain girls, or a certain group, rather than being friends with nice girls who might be available for friendship. It's important to be realistic about what you bring to the table, who you are, and who to target for friendship. And know that those cool girls who look like they are having the ultimate high school experience are not necessarily better off....
As to long term, as someone who was a high school nerd...I'm BH fine. Wouldn't live an extra year to redo 10th grade! But high school is one small blip on the screen of your life. Just support her in getting thru it emotionally healthy. The adult years, IME, are so much better.
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rachelli18
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Yesterday at 11:56 am
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High school teacher, that was my experience. I was mature and not superficial, and I was so lonely for the first two years. Then in eleventh grade, I opened my eyes and looked around the class, and said, "Hey! There are other mature, deep and nice girls, I'm going to reach out to them." And that was the turning point for me, and the start of a few decades-long friendships that I cherish until today.
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amother
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Yesterday at 12:10 pm
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Oh my, OP you're describing my daughter's 10th grade (current) experience to a T.
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amother
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Yesterday at 12:13 pm
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Ginger, wonder if their in the same school...
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Chayalle
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Yesterday at 12:13 pm
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I think it's very typical for 10th grade. It's when the dust of 9th grade settles....
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amother
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Yesterday at 12:17 pm
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High school stinks. I couldn't wait to leave. And I had friends. I hated it. So boring, so restrictive ugh I don't miss it!!! Life after high school only got better and better.
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amother
Hosta
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Yesterday at 12:21 pm
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10th grade is the worst year. You are no longer new clueless 9th graders and you start settling in. 11th grade gets a lot easier for most girls.
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tigerwife
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Yesterday at 12:22 pm
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Tenth grade is the worst. It should get better from here!
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amother
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Yesterday at 12:23 pm
| Chayalle wrote: | This. It's often about wanting to be friends with certain girls, or a certain group, rather than being friends with nice girls who might be available for friendship. It's important to be realistic about what you bring to the table, who you are, and who to target for friendship. And know that those cool girls who look like they are having the ultimate high school experience are not necessarily better off....
As to long term, as someone who was a high school nerd...I'm BH fine. Wouldn't live an extra year to redo 10th grade! But high school is one small blip on the screen of your life. Just support her in getting thru it emotionally healthy. The adult years, IME, are so much better. |
I found it so liberating a few years after high-school.... I got married and moved to a new place. I made friends with like minded people, rather then what looks socially accepted. No-one's judging me by my social circle anymore!
In fact I'm very friendly with someone from my high-school class who was considered a 'neb' back then. No, she hasn't changed, she was a wonderful person back then...I was too busy trying to be friends with the girls who didn't wanna know me to get to know this quality individual!
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amother
Taupe
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Yesterday at 12:30 pm
| amother Milk wrote: | I teach in high-school, and remember this from my own high-school days as well... Girls who are confident with who they are, and are happy to be friends with those who might be considered 'nebby' are happier. The politics often stem from girls who want to have an in with the 'in' girls, but they don't quite make the cut, so they struggle.
Once they stop running after certain girls and make friends with those who want them, they're waaaay happier. And they find that said girls are real quality girls. |
In general I agree. But there are still complications, including when the "in" girls have actual influence in school, whether through negative behaviors or tending to get certain jobs in upper grades, choosing who makes it into dance, etc. A perfectly secure girl with her own friends who lands on a committee she doesn't want, doesn't make it into choir because of friends of th heads, or even ends up where she really wants but with girls who naturally take over and she gets grunt work can have all those insecure feelings come back- and lose opportunities.
Also, sometimes the girls they are running after used to be their friends for most of their life but move into a different circle and drop them. It takes a lot to rearrange your life like that and find a whole new set of friends, especially when those not grouped up already may be very different in ways that make maintaining a friendship friendship difficult. It can take awhile, and isn't always possible. I encourage schools to give girls committees/groups starting in 9th grade that group different girls together along with some faculty supervision so they can get to know each other.
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amother
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Yesterday at 12:32 pm
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Honestly I do feel like high school ruined my social life for life. As hard as it is to make friends in high school, as an adult it’s nearly impossible. I never see new people. I wish I had worked harder as a teen to make friends because I barely have any as an adult and it is so, so lonely.
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Ruchel
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Yesterday at 12:33 pm
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You know what's worse than high school? MIDDLE.
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amother
Mint
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Yesterday at 12:34 pm
I think of has gotten worse over the years in some classes. The class that everything needs a style. Like the whole class has to wear a certain something or you'd one belong to theirs octal circle. Wher the friendship relies on superficial only. I also find many of these girls have mothers who are afraid to say no to them because they are worried about their friends and have a superior attitude. Their insecurities are so damaging to the girls and classmates.
The nice classes are also less rigid I'm this area.
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