Switching from boys to girls

amother

OP ↓

Fri, Nov 15 2024, 8:29 am

After reading all these threads I’m starting to worry about having a girl after boys. I’m not a supermom, not particularly emotional, have a hard time parenting, and boys were ok. Boys are in yeshiva all day, and I need so much time for myself to function. They come home late after a long day at night, I’m happy to see them, they eat supper. Shmoozing is hard for me! I’m an introvert Sad

Can anyone promote the good parts of having girls for someone like me? Now they are small but when they are bigger…

amother

Forestgreen

Fri, Nov 15 2024, 8:47 am

I have several boys and then several girls.

I'm so glad I had boys first. Yes, I'm an introvert and need my space, and my girls always want me. But at the same time, the boys are out of the house most of the time and it's nice to feel needed. I also think my house would be crazy with teenage girls and little (wild!) boys, whereas my crazy time with boys is over now and my girls don't make as much noise and mess or require as much hands-on protection from each other than boys.

Girls are also cute in a way that boys are not. Mine understand social skills in a way that most of my boys did not, and they take care of each other and play with each other in a way that my boys never ever did. I get such nachas watching their relationship (including their relationship with the brother above the bunch of girls, because he's around a bit more).

They don't outgrow touch as early as my boys did, so we get snuggles more often. I teach them to listen when I need space, but I'm surprised how much I actually enjoy cuddling with them on the couch.

They remind me of the things I loved when I was a kid and teen. I see parts of myself in them in a way that I didn't in my boys.

Each of these things existed in my boys to a smaller extent, but just more in my girls.

Even better, I see the soft side of my boys come out when they play with the girls. My boys get to see that there's another side to life, which I think will be important to them in the long run, iy'H.

amother

Hydrangea

Fri, Nov 15 2024, 9:25 am

Try not to overthink these things. I had girls first, then boys. It's fine so far, although my oldest is only 11.

I haven't had the experience of girls overwhelming me with schmoozing. First, they have school and other activities. They free up after 5pm most days and sometimes not until after 6pm, and still have their homework to do. They also want to hang out with their friends during the week. Usually that is before dinner, but sometimes at night after dinner. They need to shower, eat, pick up their room sometimes. I allow up to 50 minutes of screen time, if all other responsibilities are done. They like to read, so they read a lot. Either DH or I learn with them most days, so that takes time also. I'm sure they'll only get busier as they get older.

On Shabbos, girls like to spend a lot of time with their friends. Sometimes at our house, sometimes other homes. Motzei Shabbos they do sleepovers or late-nights. Sunday, they also want to hang with their friends during the day.

I live in a walkable community, so it may be harder in places where girls have to be driven everywhere.

amother

DarkYellow

Fri, Nov 15 2024, 10:23 am

Our daughter adds so much love and calmness to the boys club. She is sweet and endearing. Giving and sharing. We leave together to shop just the two of us. She has me attending plays and skits and laughing and singing with her.
When the boys are out it's wonderful hosting her friends they are sweet and giddy. Complimentary to each other.
We shop for jewelry and cook together.
I love my boys but this girl will always hold a special place in my heart!

amother

Powderblue

Fri, Nov 15 2024, 3:38 pm

You have someone to give your jewelry and accessories away to, and, at some point, maybe also your clothes.
You have a live doll to dress up, arrange hair, polish nails, and so on, assuming you (and she) like that sort of thing.
You have another female in the house and you're not the sole isolated female in an otherwise all-male household.

amother

Slategray ↓

Sat, Nov 16 2024, 11:14 am

tichellady wrote:

I don’t get it. All people have different temperaments and personalities regardless of their gender. It’s not like all girls are loud and extroverted and all boys are quiet and introverted.

Exactly. My oldest and my youngest are girls with a few boys in the middle.
The girls are as different as can be. There's literally nothing similar about them.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Today at 8:58 am

giftedmom wrote:

Boys need to shmooze too. Just putting that out there. Likely they picked up on your inability to, and just learned to live without it. It may backfire on you one day when they find other people to talk to.

We do talk to them. I didn’t ask for advice about the boys, I’m worried about my girls.

mizle10 ↓

Today at 9:15 am

tichellady wrote:

I don’t get it. All people have different temperaments and personalities regardless of their gender. It’s not like all girls are loud and extroverted and all boys are quiet and introverted.

True, but a girl house and a boy house are very different as they get older. I have 5 girls ka"h my sister has 5 boys:)

Her boys are always out and her house is quiet. They start school earlier and end later. They have night seder. Friday night and shabbos morning they're in shul. They have school/seder on Sundays. We live OOT, they dorm in yeshiva pretty early.

My house is always hectic! I personally love it, but there are girls coming and going at all hours baking and putting on makeup and laughing!

amother

Maroon

Today at 9:20 am

tichellady wrote:

I don’t get it. All people have different temperaments and personalities regardless of their gender. It’s not like all girls are loud and extroverted and all boys are quiet and introverted.

Exactly!

I have girls first and then boys. My brother has the opposite. We had our first opposite gender babies around the same time. My brother was looking forward to having a girl who would play quietly and sit nicely at the table, and he teased me that a rambunctious boy would disturb my orderly household. Instead he got a rambunctious girl and I got a quiet boy who is extremely affectionate and loves to clean of all things.

My girls have very different temperaments. My teenager is a breeze. She's so reasonable and helpful and a real pleasure to have around, although her schedule is so busy that it feels like she's never home. Our next daughter has been more like a typical teenager since she was little. She's much more moody and clingy and gets upset really easily.

amother

↑ Slategray ↓

Today at 9:23 am

mizle10 wrote:

This isn't true if your girls are introverts and your boys don't dorm.
My DD has never invited friends over. She needs a ton of downtime and being social in school exhausts her. My boys do not dorm and have friends coming and going.
My house is hectic from them.
There's no blanket rules you can make about "boys houses" and "girl houses".

↑ mizle10

Today at 9:27 am

amother Slategray wrote:

Of course there's no blanket rule, but I think generally this is how it is.

Your boys don't have night seder? They don't go to shul on shabbos?

amother

↑ OP

Today at 11:24 am

amother Maroon wrote:

This!

amother

↑ Slategray

Today at 11:59 am

mizle10 wrote:

Of course there's no blanket rule, but I think generally this is how it is.

Your boys don't have night seder? They don't go to shul on shabbos?

No night seder. We're not yeshivish.

Shul on shabbos is very short and they don't go 3 times a day. DD is always asleep or in her room reading when they're in shul. Maybe 45 min Friday night.
An hour shabbos morning.