When Morahs criticize your kid

amother

OP ↓

Thu, Nov 07 2024, 6:49 am

My son is 2.5, I know he can be very hard sometimes. But he is also absolutely delightful. Till now he has been surrounded by praise, wow, he’s so smart, he’s so active, he’s so cute, he’s so amazing. This year his Morahs tell me every day about how he hits, he takes toys away, he’s stubborn, etc. and I know it’s important for us to talk about, and I’m working on all these at home and together with the Morahs but it makes me want to when I hear someone criticize my wonderful, sweet boy. And it makes me so sad, he’s only 2.5! I want his Morahs to love him! know I sound exactly like a first time mother, that’s why I’m asking you all-how do you deal with the criticism emotionally?

amother

Candycane ↓

Thu, Nov 07 2024, 7:05 am

I know it's not easy to hear not such good things about our children, but we as the parents need to take care of those issues.
How are you & morah dealing with his behavior? Maybe you can come up with a plan together about how to deal with his behavior.
Good luck!

amother

Hyacinth

Thu, Nov 07 2024, 7:14 am

This sends up red flags about the morah. Does she ever have anything positive to say? She complains about him every single day? Is she overall a negative person?
I’d want my child to be surrounded by positive loving Morahs who mostly use positive reinforcement and only negative when absolutely necessary.
This Morah’s negative attitude may very well be triggering your child’s bad behaviors

amother

Natural

Thu, Nov 07 2024, 7:19 am

Now is a good time to start working on yourself that your child's behavior is not a reflection of you so you don't take criticism personally. He is his own person. It is hard to separate yourself and not feel like you did something wrong or are a bad parent. Your child's behavior does not make you a bad parent.

It is hard though to feel as if the teacher doesn't like our child and is not positive with them. You only want the best for him unfortunately, not everyone will love your child. Some personalities work better together than others. You just have to work on these behaviors while giving hom a lot of love at home.

kenz ↓

Thu, Nov 07 2024, 7:54 am

One of my kids had a pre 1A teacher who never had anything nice to say about her. Even when she was supposedly complimenting her, there was a veiled criticism lurking underneath. It really had a negative effect on the whole year. I would speak to the teacher and ask her straight out, “ What about the good parts? It can’t be all bad!” and if she has no response, either go higher if there’s someone to speak to or seriously consider switching his class/group. That’s not to say you don’t need to help him work on his behavior too, but anyone who can’t come up with a positive thing to say about a 2.5 year old shouldn’t be one of his main role models for the duration of the year.

flowerpower

Thu, Nov 07 2024, 7:58 am

A morah shouldn’t say anything negative unless the kid needs an intervention. Even then it should be done in a sensitive way. Little kids hit. Little kids are impulsive. No need to be reminded daily that your kid is normal. Morah should work on her expressive skills.

amother

Garnet

Thu, Nov 07 2024, 8:01 am

kenz wrote:

what did you end up doing that year? did any other teachers have a hard time with your child?

amother

↑ Candycane ↓

Thu, Nov 07 2024, 8:04 am

amother Tiffanyblue wrote:

I think if your kid is really difficult she doesn’t have a choice but to tell you he’s still having trouble. Have you evaluated him?

A 2 year old doesn't need an evaluation for acting their age.

amother

Banana

Thu, Nov 07 2024, 8:04 am

I dont think this first time mother problem. Teacher should be giving positive feedback as well. If shes not huge red flag. I would say similar to above poster something like yes we need to work on xyz but lets try to focus on his positive qualities too what is going right for him? Put her on the spot a little. If it continues I would switch him its not a good environment for 2.5 year old

amother

Phlox

Thu, Nov 07 2024, 8:04 am

amother OP wrote:

He's doing things 2 year olds do.
I would turn it around and say how do you deal with it when he does these things?

- playgroup morah

amother

Mulberry

Thu, Nov 07 2024, 8:10 am

My 19 month old is a yummy kid, loads of personality plus he's a pretty boy. He's also delayed in speech and PT, not delayed enough for services but lagging behind the rest of his friends at playgroup.
I credit the Morah so much for her positivity! She makes it clear how much she loves him, not that it's too hard to love him, and is always repeating the cute shtick he pulled. Somewhere in between she'll throw in about his walking, how we can work on it together and incentives we can do for his speech. I end up walking away with a positive feeling. She's not working against me, she's making an effort to includes me and show we're on the same side. She can see my son's adorableness and not only focus on what he's lacking.
It's the Morah's attitude that makes all of a difference!

amother

Purple

Thu, Nov 07 2024, 8:17 am

Actually hitting and getting aggressive is not that universal. Definitely sometimes by a few children but it is not the norm. If a child struggles with it it needs to be helped and not just assumed that it will disappear with age. Signed, a long time 2 year old morah

amother

↑ Tiffanyblue

Thu, Nov 07 2024, 8:21 am

amother Candycane wrote:

A 2 year old doesn't need an evaluation for acting their age.

It’s actually not normal to be aggressive and disruptive. Assuming the playgroup is doing age appropriate things, kids can sit for a short circle time and play side by side. Most kids that act this way as toddlers do tend to end up with diagnosis at older ages. It really is the first warning sign. It doesn’t help to deny it, therapy at young ages is so much better.

amother

↑ Candycane

Thu, Nov 07 2024, 8:36 am

amother Tiffanyblue wrote:

Of course it's normal for a 2 year old to be disruptive or hit kids in a classroom setting of 10-15-20 kids! They're 2, not 12! Still very age appropriate & doesn't need an evaluation or therapy at this age.

amother

Pistachio

Thu, Nov 07 2024, 8:48 am

OP, I had several boys first, two of which had issues with being impulsive when they were little.

I found it so helpful when teachers communicated with me often about how they were doing. We were working on these behaviors at home, and I wanted to know how it was translating into how they did in the classroom.

I'd try to keep it practical. How do you respond at home when he hits? What do you proactively do to try to avoid him feeling the need to hit? Have you found anything to be helpful in this area? If so, share it with the morah.

How does she respond when he hits? How does she try to prevent it? Has she found anything that helps? Ask her these questions, and be curious about it. Different kids are different, and any information you get about your child should be viewed as helpful.

It would also bother me if the teacher was just reporting every day about his misbehavior and nothing about what she was doing to fix it, what she wanted you to do so that you're on the same page, etc. But I'd try to turn it around and make it as practical as possible.

If she senses your defensiveness, that might be why she's just complaining--to make sure you realize that it really is an issue so that you'll be willing to partner with her to address it. Hopefully if you change your response to discussing the practical side of things, she'll start viewing you as receptive and willing to partner with her in helping your child.

amother

Ebony

Thu, Nov 07 2024, 8:51 am

I had similar with my son and I remember it being so so hurtful and painful. The morah was so negative about my son, told me I need a shadow for him, and finally kicked him out. I found another morah and never had a problem with him in that playgroup or any other playgroup. It was the morah. She was the sister of a friend. Everytime I ever used a friend or connection to a friend, I regretted it. It takes someone special to be a great morah, and friend-of-a-friend isn't enough of a recommendation.

amother

Sienna ↓

Thu, Nov 07 2024, 9:20 am

Are you dismissing her concerns or acknowledging there might be an issue?
I'm a 2 yr old playgroup morah.
Sometimes I'll bring concerns to parents and they'll respond that "kid is fine at home" or "but he's so cute!"
It's very frustrating for morals who are comparing your child to a whole group.
Once parents are on board and take care of issues, it's much easier to acknowledge your child's positive traits.

P.s: I hate my parents ask on a daily basis "how did he behave?"
1-I don't want child to hear me tell their parents that they made trouble.
2- most 2 yr old make trouble, it's easier to forget about it if you didn't talk about it.
3- a child might be good 3/4 of the time and misbehave the rest of the time, morah is in a tight spot. She can't say "he was great" but can't say "it was bad"...
Ask once a week!!! You'll get a better picture!