Hosting family for Bar Mitzvah

amother

OP ↓

Mon, Oct 21 2024, 4:10 pm

I'm making my 1st Bar Mitzvah in a month. My husband's siblings are coming in Thursday night with all their kids All of them are in differenthouses. . I don't have a big house to begin with and I'm nervous on hosting people with kids all day Friday when I would have a million things to do. His siblings don't clean after themselves as it is...is it rude if we tell them to send for themselves ob Friday for breakfast and lunch so I can have a calmer Friday?

amother

Mulberry

Mon, Oct 21 2024, 4:12 pm

amother OP wrote:

Not rude at all imo. Or else splurge a bit and have everyone eat out of the house.

sarlal

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 10:36 am

splurge and keep everyone out of house, including you. get your makeup and hair done out of the house. nobody in the house!!

and... mazel tov!!

amother

DarkGray

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 12:20 pm

This isn't helpful for this time but for next time I would say maybe don't do a Shabbos...

Maybe set up a tent?

Give out a to go box of food that you could leave outside on a table and people can pick up and eat wherever they want.

amother

Moonstone ↓

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 12:29 pm

amother DarkGray wrote:

Like where?

The issue I see here is if I’m hosting for your simcha I’m not expecting hungry guests in my house all day Friday…

amother

Sage ↓

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 12:44 pm

The only problem is where should they hang out?
It’s very difficult to spend a full day with no we’re to go if from out of town.
Like if they have 2 bedrooms st a host house they can’t really stay there.
So what do they do?

amother

↑ Sage

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 12:46 pm

Do you have a local family member coming to you for Shabbos you can ask to host Friday lunch and pay for the food this way they can hang out there.
My sister in law who lives far out of town did this. Her cousin hosted a long Friday afternoon brunch. And then joined the bar mitzvah for all meals.

amother

Brown

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 12:58 pm

Can you send them bagels for brunch? And make it clear that your not hosting!
You can print a schedule and you can also put on suggested local trips - bowling, art activities, trampoline park...

amother

↑ Moonstone

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 1:00 pm

amother Brown wrote:

Can you send them bagels for brunch? And make it clear that your not hosting!
You can print a schedule and you can also put on suggested local trips - bowling, art activities, trampoline park...

Where is she sending the bagels to? Again, if I have your sleeping guests for shabbos I expect all eating and socializing to happen at your house and it’s something you have to plan for.

Can you get cleaning help for Friday and set up food they can take on their own so it’s less stressful?

amother

Azure

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 1:04 pm

If they all live out of town and that is why they are coming Thursday night then you need to accommodate them. If you have a family member or close friend perhaps they could host a toameheh Friday afternoon for you.

If they just want to come early for a different reason I think you can tell them Friday they are on their own.

amother

Jade

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 1:05 pm

If the weather's nice, maybe you can send store bought food to a park and put someone else in charge of setting it up so everyone can go there to eat and play.

lostmyoldSN

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 1:07 pm

Lakewood has tons of places to eat! Not like very OOT where there arent options.

I think fending for themselves friday is reasonable.

amother

↑ OP

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 1:07 pm

We decided we are putting in a schedule where to eat and what to do etc..my house is too small to host everyone.

Chayalle

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 1:10 pm

amother Moonstone wrote:

Like where?

The issue I see here is if I’m hosting for your simcha I’m not expecting hungry guests in my house all day Friday…

I would assume OP asked her hosting neighbors if they are ok with hosting from Thursday night. Otherwise the expectation is that guests coming for a Simcha come from right before Shabbos to Motzei Shabbos. When people ask me if I can host, that's what I assume they are coming for. I have had people ask me (in advance) if it's okay if they stay till Sunday morning.

amother

Plum

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 3:17 pm

My sil did a bar mitzvah and opened a tab at a local eatery so we could grab breakfast and lunch on Friday. She also sent everyone with kids to an indoor activity place for a couple of hours. Very smart, but pricey.