How to address bullying

amother

OP ↓

Sat, Nov 02 2024, 8:09 pm

My son just started a new school . He is slightly different physically than another kids (he was born very early, has slight physical disability so he walks funny) but otherwise is on grade level.
The other kids are constantly bothering him. They call him names, imitate him, tease him to no end until he breaks and starts hurting them and going wild and then we get called to pick him up. This happened multiple times this week.
We had scheduled a making shalom meeting with one of the primary bullies and when the kid was asked why he is mean to my son he innocently replied, it’s not just me, everyone is mean to him.
Made me want to cry and pull him out of school.
He is only 6. A little young to drop out.
How can we as parents protect him from this?

amother

Pink ↓

Sat, Nov 02 2024, 8:14 pm

this is so sad.
I'm so sorry for you and for him that you're going through this

The school should have your back and deal with the other boys on their end. Have you talked to them about this? Did the shalom meeting come from them? I know in my sons' school they try to be very on top of bullying issues

amother

↑ Pink

Sat, Nov 02 2024, 8:16 pm

amother Pumpkin wrote:

The school needs to have a zero tolerance policy when it comes to bullying. And if they refuse to deal with it I’d pull him out. Bullying breaks kids.

I agree with this- exactly what I was thinking but didn't state it as well

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sat, Nov 02 2024, 8:21 pm

CPenzias wrote:

They're forcing you to pick your son up after he's being harassed and fighting back? No way! They need to address the issue at hand and speak to everyone in the class!
I'm so sorry you're going through this. How disgusting.

Yes, in their view, the other boys are “just being boys” and he is getting physical which is zero tolerance.
He is a sweet mild mannered kid but he is being provoked until he lashes out.
The shalom meeting idea came from me.
The ring leader of the bullies (the one who started off encouraging others to be mean ), I am friends with his mother so I called her and asked to meet and then we had the boy apologize to my son and say he is going to try and be nice. Not that I think it will make a big difference but I want the kid to know that we will tell his parents and that he needs to be held accountable.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sat, Nov 02 2024, 8:24 pm

amother Pink wrote:

We have met with the school multiple times. We came up with plans to help my son learn how to communicate and make sure to tell a morah and not wait till it gets so bad that he lashes out and hurts them. Also working on teaching my son some karate. He may be 6 inches shorter than the next boy but I want him to know self defense. He already gets ot and speech . Also considering getting him a shadow so he has an adult in the room he feels safe with.

amother

Mintcream

Sat, Nov 02 2024, 8:35 pm

Theirs something in lakewood called winners coarse and their is also a book by walfish about bullying. Basically your son has to be confident in acknowledging that his walk is different but that it does define him. Being proud of who he is. I would take it a step further. I would work inviting kids over 1 at a time. Make sure he has something that makes him feel special. Is he still un therapy or surgery to correct his wall? If it's something he will always get stared at by. I would definitely help him find a area to shine in. Make him more confident

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sat, Nov 02 2024, 10:01 pm

amother Mintcream wrote:

He has had multiple surgeries and therapies. They helped to an extent (it’s a miracle that he is able to walk at all ) but not clear if he can get any further improvement.
We have been trying to work on making friends one boy at a time coming over but hasn’t had an affect on socializing in school yet. It doesn’t help that most of the other boys knew each other and he came in knowing no one. But they didn’t even give him a chance, this started on day 1. He is only 6 .

amother

Starflower

Sat, Nov 02 2024, 10:21 pm

amother OP wrote:

All these plans focus on blaming your son. The school needs to hold the other kids accountable. The teachers should be on top of what is going on without him having to say anything.

My 6 yr old was being teased in school and hitting out in response, I called the teacher who had already noticed the hitting but not the teasing. I told him what my son was saying. The next day the principal called a meeting with us, the teacher, the school psychologist. They observed until they picked out the ringleader and then called his parents in and set a clear line. They did an entire class project on bein adam lechaveiro, they also gave my son a few sessions with the psychologist on how to react. Within a week the problem was solved.

If the school are not dealing with it as a class problem, my experience is that once the whole class is involved and he is a real victim and the school are blaming him, you should be looking for a different school.

↑ CPenzias

Sun, Nov 03 2024, 3:17 am

amother OP wrote:

The school sounds like they don't know how to handle bullying at all. Is there a possibility to switch? It's early in the year. My heart hurts for your baby. He shouldn't have to endure this for an entire year. The school is so dumb. They need to be giving you ideas, not the other way around.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Nov 03 2024, 3:17 am

amother Starflower wrote:

I agree , but if we didn’t work out a plan with them he wasn’t allowed back in school. I am working on finding different options, not easy to get accepted somewhere else mid year.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Nov 03 2024, 3:19 am

CPenzias wrote:

Working on it. I have researched and scheduled meetings with other schools to find out about options but they were very noncommittal about accepting a new student mid year.

amother

↑ OP

Sun, Nov 03 2024, 3:21 am

Also we did hold him back a year because he was the youngest , so small in size even compared to kids 2 years younger than him , so he is of the oldest in his class. I am wondering if that was a mistake and we should have moved him to first grade.

PinkFridge ↓

Sun, Nov 03 2024, 5:17 am

amother OP wrote:

I agree , but if we didn’t work out a plan with them he wasn’t allowed back in school. I am working on finding different options, not easy to get accepted somewhere else mid year.

Call Torah Umesorah. Maybe they have resources.
Frankly, every school needs a bullying policy.

There's a menahel in LA, Rabbi Goldberg, who has worked on this.

↑ PinkFridge

Sun, Nov 03 2024, 5:18 am

amother OP wrote:

Maybe but it does sound like an understandable decision.
Either way, every child deserves to be in a healthy, caring environment.