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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> Toddlers
amother
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 Sat, Nov 02 2024, 8:36 pm
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And I’m totally losing it. He’s almost 4. He literally rules our house and we all walk on eggshells around him. He doesn’t stay in bed, no matter how many times we walk him back to sleep. Bedtime can take up to two hours because of this and he’s exhausted. He gets up super early in the morning and wakes everyone up. He won’t listen to a word we say. He hits and spits and kicks when he’s upset which is any time he doesn’t get his way. He’s my eighth kid and I never dealt with this before. We are all going crazy. I’ve tried charts, consequences, ignoring. Nothing works. Please help me!!
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amother
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Sat, Nov 02 2024, 8:38 pm
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Sounds like my 2 year old, except that he doesn’t get out of bed cuz he can’t climb out of his crib.
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amother
Chestnut
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Sat, Nov 02 2024, 8:45 pm
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Sounds like my toddler. But also, take a parenting course
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mathbrain
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Sat, Nov 02 2024, 8:56 pm
Probably good to have him evaluated if his behavior is like this across the board.
Talking from experience here. Bh, in the right school setting, my son is doing much better. Hopefully he’ll be able to go to a mainstream kindergarten next year.
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amother
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Sat, Nov 02 2024, 9:12 pm
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Sounds just like my 3 year old. I checked if I wrote this lol!
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amother
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Sat, Nov 02 2024, 9:21 pm
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Evaluate him. It’s usually an early sign and the faster you start therapies the quicker you can get your house back to normal.
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amother
Maroon
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Sat, Nov 02 2024, 9:22 pm
| amother Stoneblue wrote: | | Evaluate him. It’s usually an early sign and the faster you start therapies the quicker you can get your house back to normal. |
An early sign of what?
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giftedmom
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Sat, Nov 02 2024, 9:25 pm
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Get him evaluated and tested for strept
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amother
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Sat, Nov 02 2024, 9:25 pm
| amother Stoneblue wrote: | | Evaluate him. It’s usually an early sign and the faster you start therapies the quicker you can get your house back to normal. |
There's a reason they don't diagnos autism before 5. It's common for 3yo's to act like that, to a point of course.
Signed, a mom with older kids with autism, ADHD, & typical kids bh.
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amother
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Sat, Nov 02 2024, 9:27 pm
A few things. Any extreme behavior should be evaluated. And no it’s very much not typical terrible threes. Sleep issues usually indicate something bigger.
I lost count of how many people I know had such issues with their kids and years later finally evaluated and got answers. It was years of stress for no reason.
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amother
Eggplant
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Sat, Nov 02 2024, 9:27 pm
| amother Hunter wrote: | There's a reason they don't diagnos autism before 5. It's common for 3yo's to act like that, to a point of course.
Signed, a mom with older kids with autism, ADHD, & typical kids bh. |
Asd is definitely diagnosed before age 5!
Op your son might have adhd
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amother
Lotus
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Sat, Nov 02 2024, 9:28 pm
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Sounds typical to me and I have 5. Give melatonin. Take better care of yourself. Learn techniques to deal with his daytime behavior. Go to bed early so it doesn’t bother you to wake up early.
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mom!
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Sat, Nov 02 2024, 9:34 pm
lol another omg is this me and my son.
Except that son is now 5. And bH slowly things did improve. He definitely is a challenge but at this point I do feel within the range of normal.
You have all my sympathies! Best of luck!
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amother
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Sat, Nov 02 2024, 9:45 pm
Ok I was not expecting those responses!! I definitely feel it is within the realm of “normal” and not a sign of anything, I just need help dealing with it. He was an amazing sleeper until he leaned how to climb out of his crib and given his age we put him into a bed. That is when the bedtime issues started. He has freedom suddenly!
The hitting and kicking and spitting I feel is also relatively normal and age appropriate. Doesn’t mean I’m managing or handling it well because I’m not!
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amother
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Sat, Nov 02 2024, 11:09 pm
| amother Lotus wrote: | | Sounds typical to me and I have 5. Give melatonin. Take better care of yourself. Learn techniques to deal with his daytime behavior. Go to bed early so it doesn’t bother you to wake up early. |
Melatonin doesn’t work for all kids, and sometimes it even backfires and makes them more wired than they were before.
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CPenzias
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Sat, Nov 02 2024, 11:14 pm
I would say he needs a lot of consistency. A specific punishment for when he does that behavior. (Find something he'll hate for you to do- maybe time out for 3 minutes) every time he spits. Remind him to use a safe body/ nice body. Whatever the words are that you want to say but everyone should use the same words. (I'm a special education ASD kindergarten teacher) it's not easy. He needs consistency. Someone on top of him all the time so he knows he can't get away with it.
Maybe a social story or 2 so he can see how his behavior affects others. Read the story with him when he's calm.
I hope this stage passes quickly. It sounds really challenging
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mom!
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Sat, Nov 02 2024, 11:25 pm
| amother OP wrote: | Ok I was not expecting those responses!! I definitely feel it is within the realm of “normal” and not a sign of anything, I just need help dealing with it. He was an amazing sleeper until he leaned how to climb out of his crib and given his age we put him into a bed. That is when the bedtime issues started. He has freedom suddenly!
The hitting and kicking and spitting I feel is also relatively normal and age appropriate. Doesn’t mean I’m managing or handling it well because I’m not! |
Regarding the sleeping, here is what I learnt from my mistakes.
Firstly, bedtime should include listening to cds lots of books etc. do not sit with him for hours on end trying to get him to sleep. Loosing battle that will only become a bigger power struggle than what you are currently facing.
Second, mornings need to be restructured that you don’t fall apart. Child proof your main floor (or playroom) VERY WELL. Once he wakes up he needs to go down otherwise the entire family will suffer. You can prepare things the night before like a coloring book or puzzles or anything else that may work. Remain firm about not staying/ coming upstairs barring emergencies obviously
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amother
Buttercup
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Sat, Nov 02 2024, 11:31 pm
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Do blood work. Low iron can lead to sleep issues
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amother
Magenta
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Sat, Nov 02 2024, 11:31 pm
I know it's not your first but I want to also recommend getting a parenting coach.
My third was vastly different temperamentally than my first two, and I made a lot of serious mistakes because I just kept trying the same techniques that had worked with my other ones. Had I learned to work with that child's specific personality earlier I'd have saved myself (and them) a lot of grief.
(I had some other kids who were that type later, and it was much easier to deal with them once I already had learned the hard way.)
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