4th grade boy playing with 1st grader

amother

OP ↓

Thu, Oct 31 2024, 3:57 am

1st grader DS tells me that a boy in 4th grade sometimes plays with him. Sometimes just him and sometimes with another boy. I ask him why the boy doesn't play with his own grade and he said he thinks no one wants to play with him.

Not sure what to do with this. I feel bad for the 4th grader, and if it's healthy playing is there a problem?

amother

Ebony

Thu, Oct 31 2024, 4:27 am

I am on the other end of this situation. My son is the older boy (13 yo) who seems to attract boys who are 3-5 years younger than him. My son is on the spectrum. His peers usually don't relate to him because he is not at their level of maturity and the way his brain works differs from a neurotypical boy. The younger boys think he is so exciting with all his "interesting" ideas for things to do since he is very creative. This happens at home in the neighborhood, not at school (as far as I know). I don't know have an answer about whether it's healthy or not. It's just the way things are for my son. As for your son, I would talk to the teacher and feel out the situation. See if your son also plays with boys his age, not just with an older boy.

amother

Cappuccino

Thu, Oct 31 2024, 10:11 am

I have this with my 4G daughter who plays with the 2G girls. Her class is full of bullies who purposely exclude her, tease her... I have seen it with my own eyes. I guess these are the two grades that have recess at the same time. I have spoken to the school about helping to reduce bullying but unfortunately it is the Rabbeim's daughters and the wealthy donors daughters so not much movement there...

amother

White

Thu, Oct 31 2024, 10:13 am

amother Cappuccino wrote:

Omg please switch schools if it’s an option. So sad. I’m so sorry for her.

amother

Denim

Thu, Oct 31 2024, 10:21 am

amother Cappuccino wrote:

That's horrible.
Please switch schools or pull her out ans homeschool. It'd extreme damaging to keep being sent back to such a situation.
I'm sorry you and your child are going through this.

I have a 5 (kita alef, so pre1a) year old son who is extremely mature. He's always playing with the 7-8-9 year old boys in the neighborhood. In school/cheder he's happy with his peers and has friends but in the neighborhood he prefers the older boys. But it's always in a group.
Theres a sweet ND boy who is 9-10 who always came around for him from when my son was 3 (and the boy was 7-8) and I absolutely did NOT allow it.
In a group I'm totally fine. But not 1 on 1 or even just 3 boys.
Large groups or they play with their own age.

amother

Lightblue

Thu, Oct 31 2024, 11:19 am

My popular son sometimes plays with the younger boys in school. Either he doesn't want to play the game his class is playing, or wants a break from them.
He joins the younger kids sports games and helps coach them. They all feel great about it.

It doesn't happen every recess though, if it did I'd be more concerned.

amother

Bluebonnet

Thu, Oct 31 2024, 12:02 pm

My 9yo dd often plays with my 6yo neighbor (not in a group) and tbh I never thought of it as a problem. She’s NT and has friends in school but for a few reasons doesn’t really get along with the older kids on the block.

From her perspective, she feels like she’s taking care of my neighbor and is very sweet with her. My neighbor loves the attention of an older kid and acts that way, which also makes dd feel good. Overall they just click and enjoy spending time together.

In short, I don’t think playing with a younger kid is always a red flag, though maybe you should reach out to the teachers if you’re concerned.

chanatron1000

Thu, Oct 31 2024, 12:04 pm

It's normal to some extent for older children to play with younger children. That's how children manage to have their own culture that they eventually grow out of. They pass it down from older child to younger child, but once they become adults they're not part of it anymore.

mha3484

Thu, Oct 31 2024, 12:08 pm

I think its really about age vs grade. I personally think 2 years is fine and any older or younger is problematic. But say my 1st grader is the oldest in his class and wants to be friends with a kid who is the youngest kid in 4th grade its not that huge of an age gap. I have a son who will be 10 in a few weeks and is the oldest in 4th grade. He has a class mate who will be 9 a few weeks before. If your a 1st grader turning 7 its not really that weird.

amother

Powderblue

Thu, Oct 31 2024, 12:09 pm

Neighborhood friends is different than school friends because in school, there's a group of 20 or more kids the same age who are spending the day together and should be playing together. Neighbors, like siblings, have more variety of ages.

OP, I would reach out to the teacher to get his perspective.

amother

Nemesia

Thu, Oct 31 2024, 12:31 pm

Keep an eye on it. Sometimes boys of different ages just click and get along well. One of my children has friends of all different ages, some are older, some younger. It’s certain personalities that he gets along with. It might also be problematic. Meet the boy and see what he’s like and how they play.