Did I tell her too early?

oakandfig19 ↓

Wed, Oct 30 2024, 4:28 pm

No you didn’t teach it too early, that’s what it’s called- it’s not a bad word. It’s proven by research that kids who know the right terminology are less at risk for abuse. If her classmate’s parents are upset that their child is learning anatomy, that’s their issue.

Last edited by oakandfig19 on Wed, Oct 30 2024, 4:35 pm; edited 2 times in total

amother

Lime

Wed, Oct 30 2024, 4:31 pm

Yes it’s too young. No reason for a three year old to know that. Obviously she’s going to repeat it to others. If my daughter was playing with your daughter and came home saying vgina I’d be really annoyed. I think you should just stop using those words and say private part instead and hopefully she’ll forget. You can teach her the word vgina when she’s 10.

amother

↑ Currant

Wed, Oct 30 2024, 4:34 pm

amother OP wrote:

So was I supposed to teach her the word urethra also? Bring a diagram with all three holes? Or not teach her any of it at this age? I feel like it’s just as much unteaching to switch from terms like private parts or tushy to the correct anatomical terms… dunno
Also most people can’t feel their urethra, usually if she’s touching down there that’s what it is…

Honestly what did you want her to do with the term v-gina? In what instance would it be applicable for her to use before age 10?

Even urethra. In what sort of sentence would it be necessary for her to use it?

And what sort of advice are you looking for after the fact? The only thing you can do is not use the term again in with her and maybe she'll forget.

imaima ↓

Wed, Oct 30 2024, 4:34 pm

amother Currant wrote:

Just curious why it was necessary to teach your daughter the term v@gina? She won't need to use it for a long time, why is it necessary to be part of her vocabulary? Vulva maybe...

this
She also didn’t use the term right…

amother

Lightpink

Wed, Oct 30 2024, 4:34 pm

gingleale wrote:

It is definitely not too young. Better to teach her now so she knows what is what and doesn't feel ashamed or embarrassed about her body.

If you’re trying to avoid shame then wouldn’t teaching her something that you immediately explain is “a big secret that she should never discuss with her friends” accomplish the exact opposite?

↑ imaima

Wed, Oct 30 2024, 4:36 pm

amother OP wrote:

Why not just teach her what she sees - vulva?

↑ oakandfig19

Wed, Oct 30 2024, 4:37 pm

amother Lightpink wrote:

You don’t reach that it’s a secret, you teach that it’s private. We teach kids the words per and poop and also tell them it’s bathroom talk. This is a similar concept. And it wouldn’t be the end of the world if she talked about private parts with her friends.

amother

↑ Crocus

Wed, Oct 30 2024, 4:41 pm

oakandfig19 wrote:

It is not proven. Kids with present parents are less at risk, teaching safe touch is the key not the word v-gina

amother

NeonPurple

Wed, Oct 30 2024, 4:45 pm

I assume any and all words my kids learn or hear are going to be repeated

I only have boys but tell them from the get go that it’s a aiver. Sorry, there’s no other word for it. I don’t see shame in calling it what it is and all these baby words for it sound gross to me, plus I’d like them to be able to differentiate between specific areas

I’m sure they use it in playgroup, and I wouldn’t be surprised if other kids went home with the word aiver. The parents can be upset if they want, the same way it bothers me when my son comes home calling it a “wee wee” or a “tushy” because he heard his friends calling it that and I have to correct him just the same

amother

Cyan ↓

Wed, Oct 30 2024, 4:54 pm

oakandfig19 wrote:

Those kids use euphemisms like cookie, p_ssy, and other words that are made up. Calling it a front tush would be just as effective, research wise, as calling it a vulva.

Edit- secular kids, the subject of any research done

amother

Honey

Wed, Oct 30 2024, 5:05 pm

amother Cyan wrote:

Those kids use euphemisms like cookie, p_ssy, and other words that are made up. Calling it a front tush would be just as effective, research wise, as calling it a vulva.

I have never heard frum kids call it cookie or pssy. The worst I hear is tush and we all know that it’s used generically for front and back. It’s a lot more socially appropriate and you don’t want to be the weird mom and socially off. Even if you are correct. It’s important socially for your child too; sometimes being right is not the way to fit in and have friends, it’s the way to be socially off. It’s more important at this point you focus on her adjusting socially than teaching her to use vulva and vgina correctly.
In case of abuse Chas vshalom, she’ll tell you tush and you’ll get the point and clarify specifics from there.

amother

DarkPurple

Wed, Oct 30 2024, 5:20 pm

amother Honey wrote:

Privates is the perfect word: accurate, appropriate, would communicate CLEARLY to anyone what child is talking about

amother

↑ Cyan

Wed, Oct 30 2024, 5:22 pm

amother Honey wrote:

I meant not frum kids- upon whom research was done.
Sorry should have clarified.
For example I read a news article about a girl who told her teacher that her stepfather was touching her cookie. Obviously the abuse went unreported.
Or in court if you ask for testimony but the little girl is using a euphemism.
I honestly think there's nothing wrong with saying front tush and back tush. It gets the job done.
Personally I have boys so I teach them p-enis and butt because those are the words. For some reason girl anatomy is a little stickier but I have no problem if my kids teach another 3 year old the word p-enis, I don't think it's inappropriate. It is what it is.

amother

Ecru

Wed, Oct 30 2024, 5:26 pm

I don’t get this obsession with teaching little kids the scientific term for their private parts. It sounds funny rolling off their tongue and definitely does not prevent abuse.

What DOES prevent abuse is a child understanding safe touching and unsafe touching, and what to do when someone is trying to look at or touch a private part.

A child knowing the word v*gina instead of private part is not going to be less at risk. The terminology used by the child isn’t the determining factor here, sorry.

I will admit, I fell for this idea when my oldest was 2 and the first time she said the word v*gima spontaneously made me uncomfortable. It’s just not a word that a little child should be using. It sounds off.