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-> Parenting our children
amother
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 Mon, Oct 28 2024, 5:59 pm
We moved I little over a year ago. Before the move she was super popular, had a lot of neighborhood friends and nice core group of school friends. We never had a bored Sunday. If she wants friends she had them.
Then we moved.. she was put with brand new girls and all year bounced around trying to play with different girls. Nothing ever took off very well.. she had one girl who she really liked and they play beautifully together for hours but her mom isn’t very responsive so I’d text her and she wouldn’t answer for hours or ever, it was frustrating. We reached out to diff girls all the time but nothing ever really clicked. End of last year we got a notice from school that they are mixing the grade. We wrote down who we want to be with and she got put with her 4th choice (who she had little to do with to begin with)
She here we are 1.5 months into the new school year and I have an appt next week with another child and it may run late. I asked her if there’s a friend she wants to go to straight from school and she can’t think of anyone!! My heart is braking for her! We live on a very quiet block .. we have a few frum families but no one has a girl her age .. sometimes she plays with the boys out of desperation. I’m loosing my mind !! Pls offer chizzuk!!!
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amother
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Mon, Oct 28 2024, 6:01 pm
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I’d tell her to call someone who thinks is really nice and kind. I’d also actively have her invite a girl once a week so she can build relationships and see who she clicks with.
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strawberry cola
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Mon, Oct 28 2024, 6:03 pm
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I suggest enrolling her in Sunday or after-school activities- art, music, sports? within an organized program. It might be easier to make friends in a smaller group, with girls who share her interests.
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amother
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Mon, Oct 28 2024, 6:04 pm
| amother Powderblue wrote: | | I’d tell her to call someone who thinks is really nice and kind. I’d also actively have her invite a girl once a week so she can build relationships and see who she clicks with. |
I didn’t write up my entire history but a this is what I’ve been doing since I moved .. chasing friends for her.. and 2-3 months in she got really upset at me. She told me that she’s been on way too many awkward play dates and she’s not interested. She told me she’s a 3rd wheel when she goes to another girl and they already have a friend over (which happens a lot on Shabbos)
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amother
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Mon, Oct 28 2024, 6:12 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | I didn’t write up my entire history but a this is what I’ve been doing since I moved .. chasing friends for her.. and 2-3 months in she got really upset at me. She told me that she’s been on way too many awkward play dates and she’s not interested. She told me she’s a 3rd wheel when she goes to another girl and they already have a friend over (which happens a lot on Shabbos) |
At 10 girls call themselves, it’s possible you setting it up is making it more awkward. Have her call the one she liked, the mother who wasn’t responsive.
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amother
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Mon, Oct 28 2024, 6:14 pm
| amother Powderblue wrote: | | At 10 girls call themselves, it’s possible you setting it up is making it more awkward. Have her call the one she liked, the mother who wasn’t responsive. |
She can call the moms cell phone till she’s blue in the face, the mom doesn’t pick up her phone.. also just feeling out the sitch in her class.. most of the moms text each other . Not too many landlines going on ..
and this friend who she liked is no longer in her class
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amother
Lightpink
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Mon, Oct 28 2024, 6:34 pm
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Maybe reach out to a teacher and let her know what's going on. Sometimes they can put her together with another nice girl for a project or something to sort of push it along. They can also speak to the girls about including everybody.
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soproud
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Mon, Oct 28 2024, 6:34 pm
It’s very, very hard!
Similar situation here but my dc is 12… I don’t have advice. I’m definitely sympathizing.
I wish your daughter all the best, with ease and happiness.
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amother
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Mon, Oct 28 2024, 6:47 pm
| soproud wrote: | It’s very, very hard!
Similar situation here but my dc is 12… I don’t have advice. I’m definitely sympathizing.
I wish your daughter all the best, with ease and happiness. |
Amen and to yours too!!!
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amother
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Mon, Oct 28 2024, 6:48 pm
| amother OP wrote: | She can call the moms cell phone till she’s blue in the face, the mom doesn’t pick up her phone.. also just feeling out the sitch in her class.. most of the moms text each other . Not too many landlines going on ..
and this friend who she liked is no longer in her class |
Have you tried texting the non responsive mom? I am often unable to pick up the phone, but I can usually respond to a text pretty promptly and easily.
Oops never mind, I see you did. Are your texts easy to answer, like "Would Sara like to come play with Rivka?"
My DD is the same age and she and her friends text each other's parents sometimes. Like, "Hi this is [friend], can [daughter] come over?" Can your daughter do that?
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amother
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Mon, Oct 28 2024, 6:51 pm
| amother NeonPink wrote: | Have you tried texting the non responsive mom? I am often unable to pick up the phone, but I can usually respond to a text pretty promptly and easily.
Oops never mind, I see you did. Are your texts easy to answer, like "Would Sara like to come play with Rivka?" |
Yes, 10 of them in a row with zero response. I actually get insulted nothing to do with my daughter. Do u not have 10 seconds to send a message back?
Regardless this girl isn’t in her class anymore and lives far. I just decided it’s not the one to chase anymore
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amother
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Mon, Oct 28 2024, 6:53 pm
| amother OP wrote: | Yes, 10 of them in a row with zero response. I actually get insulted nothing to do with my daughter. Do u not have 10 seconds to send a message back?
Regardless this girl isn’t in her class anymore and lives far. I just decided it’s not the one to chase anymore |
Gotcha, that is bizarre and sounds intentional.
Do you ever invite families for Shabbos meals? Could you invite one or two with girls her age? I find my kids often warm up to kids they didn't previously know over the course of a leisurely meal without any other friends around.
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