When do you tell your daughters about the period.

amother

OP ↓

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 12:12 pm

Hi,

My oldest and a daughter. Shes being 9 soon. Shes's from the oldest in her class, other girls literally turned 8 on Sukkos.
I feel the need to tell her but she's only in 3'rd grade. I'm conflicted what the right thing to do is?

Chayalle ↓

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 12:15 pm

The question is, why do you feel the need to tell her? Is she showing signs of development? Is she asking questions? These might be reasons to do so already.
If not, I go by the age of 10, which I learned in parenting classes is a good time to tell.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 12:17 pm

Chayalle wrote:

In other words I will need to tell her ahead of most of her friends.
She's not developing yet but I want her to be in the know as soon as she needs.

amother

Papaya

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 12:18 pm

My now 11dd was 7-8 when I told her and I got her books from American girl as well as the Jewish book.
She developed faster than her peers and I wanted her to be in the know.
I didn’t grow up with a mother or older sister that taught me anything about my body or a period.
I got mine pretty late but thought I’m bleeding to death.
My younger DD is 8 now and she is already well versed in this as well. I would say trust your instinct of when you feel it’s right for them to be educated.

amother

↑ Snapdragon ↓

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 12:18 pm

amother OP wrote:

In other words I will need to tell her ahead of most of her friends.
She's not developing yet but I want her to be in the know as soon as she needs.

So tell her when she starts breast buds, you have about 2 years until her period from then usually.

↑ Chayalle ↓

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 12:19 pm

amother OP wrote:

In other words I will need to tell her ahead of most of her friends.
She's not developing yet but I want her to be in the know as soon as she needs.

Yes, makes sense. I would watch for signs of development, and for sure by age 10, but your DD might need to know sooner.
Your the Mom - trust your instincts here.

↑ Chayalle ↓

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 12:20 pm

amother Snapdragon wrote:

So tell her when she starts breast buds, you have about 2 years until her period from then usually.

Nope, not everyone. Some can get their period while still flat-chested.

amother

↑ OP

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 12:21 pm

Chayalle wrote:

Nope, not everyone. Some can get their period while still flat-chested.

Well I was flat chested and got my period lol.
Thought I don't think my daughter will take after me in size at all.

amother

Cream ↓

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 12:23 pm

I told my oldest daughter at about ten. I can't quite remember if or what signs of puberty were starting to to emerge but I did want to tell her early enough so that when it happened she would already have processed the information and would be well prepared. I actually don't remember specifically telling my other daughters. I think because they are all fairly close in age they were kind of aware of periods earlier because of their sisters. B"H, they all felt very comfortable coming and discussing with me any concerns or questions.

amother

Bone

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 12:25 pm

amother Junglegreen wrote:

My daughters school tells them in fifth grade

That's too late for some girls.

I got my period at age 9.5 and it was a traumatic experience for me because I had no idea what was going on and thought something was really wrong with me. It colored my whole perception of puberty and made those years very difficult. I don't blame my mother because I got my period very young and it never occurred to her to start talking about it that early. I was bound and determined that my girls would have a completely different experience and I talk to them about puberty and periods as soon as they turn 9. I use the American Girl book that talks about body changes and hygiene in a very positive way.

amother

Heather ↓

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 12:26 pm

amother Cream wrote:

I don't think anyone should assume, though, that their next child knows from their sisters. It's the Mom's job, not the sister's, to educate her daughters.
I'll just come out and say it, then - I'm that down-in-the-line daughter, and I got my education from my older sisters. I wish my mother would have told me. I never asked her anything, didn't discuss things with her as a Kallah, etc....and I think I lost out because of it. I wish I had had more of a mother, though I do have two fabulous older sisters.

amother

↑ Snapdragon

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 12:26 pm

amother OP wrote:

Well I was flat chested and got my period lol.
Thought I don't think my daughter will take after me in size at all.

No buds or just no full breasts?

amother

Alyssum

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 12:32 pm

amother Junglegreen wrote:

My daughters school tells them in fifth grade

But its better for them to hear from their mothers first.
My mother never told me anything. We were not from a sheltered community. Not sure why she didnt, but I was shocked when I got my period.

amother

↑ Heather

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 12:37 pm

amother Alyssum wrote:

But its better for them to hear from their mothers first.
My mother never told me anything. We were not from a sheltered community. Not sure why she didnt, but I was shocked when I got my period.

Right, I'm not sure why my mother didn't tell me, either. Though I wasn't shocked, I got mine at 13.5 and by that time I'd heard enough from my sisters and friends.

amother

Chocolate

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 12:46 pm

I got my period at 10. I tell my girls at 8. They're young and innocent it sounds exciting talking about growing up and becoming a women. My girls are the youngest of their friends and prob new before them. Their friends will be developing and talking as girls do. I'm glad my children have straight information from me.

miami85

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 12:56 pm

My daughter is 9.5 and she was extremely anxious about losing teeth, and she tends to freak out about "gross things" and since I didn't get my period until I was almost 13, and so far my boys have not entered puberty on the early side, I felt no need to rush. I brought it up at her recent physical and her dr agreed that there are no signs of it being imminent so I can use my judgement. I will probably do it closer to 11 unless something makes it come up sooner. I have already gotten her undershirts and she's bound to notice the changes in her brothers so it will likely drive the conversation.

Last edited by miami85 on Mon, Oct 28 2024, 12:58 pm; edited 1 time in total