Teacher doesn’t make clear distinction b/w Halacha and chumr

amother

Sun, Oct 27 2024, 12:55 pm

DD age eleven has a fantastic teacher and she loves her. However, there have been more than one instance where the teacher says something that’s a chumrah and my daughter comes home and says “Mrs. x says you can’t do that.” For example, going to malls because there are not tznius pictures. Teacher told them that if you can shop in a Jewish store than you shouldn’t go to the non Jewish store. My daughter started questioning everything I do, asking if I’m sure I’m allowed to do that etc. it’s driving me mad. My daughter is a more literal kid which is part of the problem but I feel that the teacher needs to be much more clear about how things are coming across to the students. Do I say something to the teacher? Or just work with my daughter and leave it?

Ema of 5

Sun, Oct 27 2024, 2:19 pm

Just from the example you gave, it doesn’t sound like the teacher did or said anything wrong. It seems to me that you need to have a discussion with your daughter about how to discuss what her teacher said with you. She needs to understand that not everything her teacher says is Halacha, and she ALSO needs to understand that you won’t do everything her teacher says, because different people do different things. She needs to understand that it’s ok to ask questions, but it needs to be done in a respectful way.

amother

Mulberry

Sun, Oct 27 2024, 2:23 pm

It’s super common for kids to misunderstand or take things to extremes. It’s also common for kids to correct parents with my teacher said this so you are wrong. And often it’s just them not quite understanding because they are children after all. I wouldn’t take it so seriously. I’d also tell her it’s ok for her to take things on but it doesn’t mean you are wrong or that you need to do it. I’d also say there are a multiple ways to do things and that maybe she didn’t understood all the nuances. But usually it’s best to say you take on this thing if you want but we aren’t as a family. And then just smile and nod and don’t let it ruin your relationship.

zaq

Sun, Oct 27 2024, 2:41 pm

While the pps have a point about children misunderstanding techers' intent, techers should realize that children think literally and see everything in black and white. I've been griping for years about teachers who don't distinguish between halacha, chumrah and minhag, and state categorically "we do this" or "we don't do this" as if it's all halacha leMoshe misinai.

First put on your Sherlock Holmes hat to discuss with dd and try to find out exactly what teacher said. Or what she thinks teacher said, at any rate. Then go ahead and discuss with teacher. Don't accuse, just say something like "dd came home saying ______ is assur, I was wondering if she may have misinterpreted what you said?" If teacher says "no, she didn't misinterpret, that's what I said" then you can start a discussion. Be prepared to cite sources, because she doesn't have to take your word for it any more than you can take her word for it.

amother

Hibiscus

Sun, Oct 27 2024, 2:56 pm

I have a dd who's more black and white and it's her interpretation more than what the teacher says. The teacher is not telling dd she can't take her craft out her bag ever. But that's what dd decided was the case. What the teacher had told them was to keep it in their bag (until they got home).
Now my dd is younger than yours, so reasoning is harder. But I think you can and should be speaking to your dd about what her teacher is saying. Is it all in the same area? Is there a halacha sefer you can learn together or rav you can speak to to talk it over. It's great for your dd to learn how we know what to do and how we learn things.
Black and white thinkers will take things more literally than the teacher intends.

little neshamala

Sun, Oct 27 2024, 3:56 pm

behappy2 wrote:

Your teacher meant that it's better not to.

Unless the teacher is literally telling them its ossur to go. And will reiterate that the next day as well. (I have had teachers like this).

What we do is we just say that we asked Rabbi "Rosenstein" (or family Rav) and its halachicly fine. Always reassures them, puts parents back on the pedestal etc