If you work full time and were home

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Oct 20 2024, 5:01 pm

amother Slateblue wrote:

Just like you did the cooking in advance, you need to take care of all these technicalities too. For example I always make a laundry plan. Sunday I’ll wash everything and make sure all shabbos clothing is prepared for YT, and then I’ll figure out exactly when else I’m doing laundry, whether it’s day before or erev YT. Also when buying new clothing I make sure to cut off tags and iron or whatever else is needed so erev YT it’s all ready to go. Also make a shopping schedule- there’s a big shopping a few days earlier or even before Yk and then the day before for fresh fruits and other little things you forgot or ran out of. When planning menu make sure that you plan food for erev YT-also lunch and stuff to nosh on all day. Then you need to block off around an hour to just touch up kitchen and take food out of freezer and warm up, usually before I shower. You really need to walk through all details in advance and work out of a massive calendar with cooking, cleaning, errands, laundry and shopping days outlined. And like others have said, always leave time for all the craziness-but know that it usually happens later in the day so make sure you do what you need to earlier so you have bandwidth for others emergencies. I usually aim to have all last minute laundry, errands and cooking done by chatzos so rest of day is just managing everyone and their stuff.

Do you work full time??? WHEN do you do all this? In July? I did shopping, cooking in advance. Sunday I was still recuperating from Yom Kippur! And shopping and cooking! I shopped in advanced, I cooked in advance, these were all just last minute things that came up! I actually did aim to have everything finished by chatzos!!!! And I had a plan for erev yom tov food and noshing What

!

WHEN do you block out shopping days when you work full time???

I think I'm just not cut out to work full time. I know, everyone on this site believes everyone needs to work full time no matter what, but I think I'm done. Like I always tell my kids, I'm not "everyone".

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Oct 20 2024, 5:09 pm

amother Slateblue wrote:

I want to add that I did make a plan. I did all the laundry that was possible to do in advance. We only have one machine so it's not possible to have everything done at once. I shopped for food and cooked in advance. I was only able to start the boys shopping on Sunday because that's when they came home... bh they shopped on their own but like I said, last minute things came up...

I planned everything in advance, down to a tee. All the things I wrote were things that came up that I wasn't expecting... I forgot to do the hem earlier and the shirt was just washed/bought. We needed to run out for errands that were forgotten before... we still missed the bra store because we didn't have enough time... I dunno. I think it's just not do-able.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Oct 20 2024, 5:15 pm

lamplighter wrote:

Sounds like a lot of things that were last minute.
Looks at what was needed and ask yourself what doesn't need to be done last minute and next time move it to earlier.
I had this issue with erev shabbos stress and realized I was leaving too many things to last minute and made adjustments.

Well I was only off from work that day... there's only so much I could do on Sunday.

I think an earlier poster nailed it - these were things that other people did not do in advance. For example, my boys put up the sukkah and decorations, were busy with arbah minim, went clothes shopping, they left the cooking for erev yom tov because I needed to supervise, I wasn't home the other days. Not really sure how I could have done it any differently.... not only did have to supervise the cooking, I was on top of them to clean up as well.

The only things I needed to do last minute was delegating. And if I'm relying on other people, I need to be on their timetable... there were also things I realized that needed to be done before yom tov, such as bills. I had an email I needed to take care of, that popped up erev yom tov. I also had my MIL pop in for a visit... I didn't leave anything to last minute, that's why I'm stuck.

amother

↑ Birch

Sun, Oct 20 2024, 5:37 pm

amother OP wrote:

They did take care of the sukkah. I worried about it anyway... everyone found linen, and they found tablecloths, but I had forgotten to check before if we had enough (I know we're very low). Bh we did, but it stressed me out.

I have a bunch of boys. They need ironed shirts for shabbos and yom tov. Bh usually the cleaning lady does it, but it was erev yom tov and I needed to make sure everyone had ironed shirts... and ties, and cuff links, and belts, and sent their suits to the cleaners, etc etc etc...

Like I said, cooking wasnt an issue as I had either delegated or made it earlier. That's why I was surprised that erev yom tov was still so so stressful....

I also have boys. Their shirts and my husband's go in the dryer to get out wrinkles. No ironing needed.

Sounds like the cooking you delegated might have added too much extra work for you if you had to be on top of every the whole time.

Erev YT is always stressful no matter how much you get done before. Stuff always comes up. I think accepting that is half the challenge.

amother

Oak

Sun, Oct 20 2024, 5:58 pm

amother OP wrote:

For yom tov, and you were CALM erev yom tov, HOW do you do it? Please teach me your ways.

I don't have little kids. All the years that I was pregnant/busy with babies and over my head, I said to myself, one day, when my kids are older, I'll have it all together.

Well here I am and I was not. I really tried. I only had two things to cook erev yom tov. I delegated everything else or cooked before. I was off Sunday and took off erev. Somehow all the last minute things were just too much... I was beyond stressed.

First there's building the sukkah, which bh I was not involved with. One of my kids took over putting up decorations. But I had to figure out beds, linen, sukkah table and chairs, lights, food, tablecloths... my kids bh helped me but it stressed me.

People needed to be fed all day. My kids were in the kitchen making stuff and asking for help/reassurance. I was busy with last minute laundry. We ran out to do last minute shopping that was needed before yom tov, that was forgotten before. I got an email that needed to be taken care of right away. Paid bills. My mother in law stopped in for a visit on the way to a different child for the first days. Somebody needed a hem and somebody else realized that something wasn't ironed. Went through my (packed) freezer to find the food for the first night. Found stuff in the fridge that was supposed to be in the freezer and vice versa... kept cleaning the kitchen.

I actually delegated, shopped early, cooked early. Left almost nothing for the last minute. And it was still so, so stressful.

Looking for tips. Is there anything else I could have done? Or is erev yom tov just meant to be super stressful?

IMO you can delegate as much as you want but what happens by me is the more I delegate and free up time, the more things I can add on to my list, so I’m never rlly caught up and there’s always more to do. There’s PRIORITIES of what has to get done, and then there’s the extras that somehow become important when there’s room to add them to the list.

amother

Chocolate

Sun, Oct 20 2024, 6:09 pm

amother Tomato wrote:

It's a learning curve. My motto is slow and steady wins the race.
I start a few weeks before R"H. One night I cook all the noodles like soup noodles, orzo, bow ties. I portion, ziploc and freeze. I don't worry about the sautéed additions that night. I make all noodles for all of R"H, erev Y"K, Sukkos first days and also last days.
Maybe half a week later one night I concentrate on sautéing cabbage, veggies for orzo, onions to freeze so I'll have for various cooking bases.
When I make a roast I make 3 of the same kind. One for R"H, one for first days and one for last days.
I make all chicken soup at once, strain out impurities and freeze.
If I left it all for before Sukkos, after being ill on Y"K, I wouldn't manage. I've done that some years and while Y"T came no matter what, I would not recommend it.

I'm confused with this answer...
She said she DOES do this already

amother

↑ Slateblue ↓

Sun, Oct 20 2024, 6:48 pm

When I meant blocking days I meant after work or at night- set aside each day for one task. A lot of stores have night hours or are open until 7. I find it easier to do a bunch of errands one day and then cook another etc. but if you did all of that then accept that this is BH what life is like with a large family. You made it to YT BH and sounds like you really did stay calm and get it all done. So last step is to realize that it will be crazy and just rest up in YT. For me the biggest vacation is waking up in the morning and throwing all the pans from fridge in oven and then just sitting because everything is done!

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Oct 20 2024, 7:03 pm

amother Slateblue wrote:

Unfortunately I did not stay calm, hence my post. I had a meltdown erev yom tov and I'm feeling beyond guilty. It sounds like what I needed to do was take breaks during the day for me time, and next year check linen, tablecloths, tables and chairs a month before.

Thank you to all who suggested to prioritize being calm, hope it will help next time!

amother

Orchid

Sun, Oct 20 2024, 10:07 pm

abound wrote:

Being calm has nothing to do with how long your list of tasks are...its a mindset. All the ideas of how to organize yourself better is great and smart, but the bottom line is that being calm is a decision and an outlook.

Exactly!!!
I think you did great!
Looks like you did everything you could have done beforehand. All you have to do now is work on not being overwhelmed and stressed.
Lower your expectations. It looks like you're juggling a lot, it's fine if everything is not perfect, it's not in your control, Hashem is in charge!!!
"I'll try my best and Hashem will help with the rest!"