If you work full time and were home

amother

OP ↓

Sun, Oct 20 2024, 1:18 pm

For yom tov, and you were CALM erev yom tov, HOW do you do it? Please teach me your ways.

I don't have little kids. All the years that I was pregnant/busy with babies and over my head, I said to myself, one day, when my kids are older, I'll have it all together.

Well here I am and I was not. I really tried. I only had two things to cook erev yom tov. I delegated everything else or cooked before. I was off Sunday and took off erev. Somehow all the last minute things were just too much... I was beyond stressed.

First there's building the sukkah, which bh I was not involved with. One of my kids took over putting up decorations. But I had to figure out beds, linen, sukkah table and chairs, lights, food, tablecloths... my kids bh helped me but it stressed me.

People needed to be fed all day. My kids were in the kitchen making stuff and asking for help/reassurance. I was busy with last minute laundry. We ran out to do last minute shopping that was needed before yom tov, that was forgotten before. I got an email that needed to be taken care of right away. Paid bills. My mother in law stopped in for a visit on the way to a different child for the first days. Somebody needed a hem and somebody else realized that something wasn't ironed. Went through my (packed) freezer to find the food for the first night. Found stuff in the fridge that was supposed to be in the freezer and vice versa... kept cleaning the kitchen.

I actually delegated, shopped early, cooked early. Left almost nothing for the last minute. And it was still so, so stressful.

Looking for tips. Is there anything else I could have done? Or is erev yom tov just meant to be super stressful?

abound ↓

Sun, Oct 20 2024, 1:29 pm

I expect erev yt to be hectic to the last second. It changes everything.
I expect things to go wrong...I expect to get pulled into a million directions. Most importantly, I expect not to have it together.
I wake up saying....ok...lets see what Hashem has in store for me today
The only thing I work on is to do it with joy. Keep the atmosphere a "hectic calmly".
And I dont beat myself up when I get overwhelmed, I just go into my room, breathe and come right out.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Oct 20 2024, 1:32 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

I delegate, delegate, delegte.
I dont do everything ir even most things.
I make sure that everyone is helping.
Ive had years, long ago, where I did everything. I was then a shmatta on chag.
I cook. Everything else is delegated and I dont even think about what im not doing.

I delegated everything, including most of the cooking. The people I was delegating to did need supervision though, and I was busy with that (teenage boys and young kid). I was also busy with everything else that came up.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Oct 20 2024, 1:34 pm

abound wrote:

Thank you! This is the part that I missed! It's worked for me in the past, and I need to remember to do that again.

amother

Birch ↓

Sun, Oct 20 2024, 1:40 pm

amother OP wrote:

It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Some things that differ in my situation: I don't deal with the table, chairs, lights, or really anything for the sukkah. My husband and kids deal with that. Tablecloths they just grab from our tablecloths. Linen- they also just grab from the clean linen. Nothing to figure out there.

I don't iron anything ever. If something has wrinkles, I stick it in the dryer with a wet cloth and the wrinkles come out.

Most of my recipes are ones that are not a patchke. A few minutes to prep and it goes in the oven or slow cooker. Some things that are more labor intensive like meatballs I make a bunch and freeze raw. Desserts I also only do quick stuff or make in big batches and freeze, like cookies.

Meals are fish and dips, soup, 1 protein, carb, veggie and maybe 1 extra side if we have a lot of guests.

amother

Tomato

Sun, Oct 20 2024, 1:46 pm

It's a learning curve. My motto is slow and steady wins the race.
I start a few weeks before R"H. One night I cook all the noodles like soup noodles, orzo, bow ties. I portion, ziploc and freeze. I don't worry about the sautéed additions that night. I make all noodles for all of R"H, erev Y"K, Sukkos first days and also last days.
Maybe half a week later one night I concentrate on sautéing cabbage, veggies for orzo, onions to freeze so I'll have for various cooking bases.
When I make a roast I make 3 of the same kind. One for R"H, one for first days and one for last days.
I make all chicken soup at once, strain out impurities and freeze.
If I left it all for before Sukkos, after being ill on Y"K, I wouldn't manage. I've done that some years and while Y"T came no matter what, I would not recommend it.

amother

NeonPurple

Sun, Oct 20 2024, 1:53 pm

I made and froze a number of things in advance like soups and meatballs. I bought one of the meals in its entirety as well as most of the baked goods. I woke up at 4:45 am on Wednesday morning and cooked three mains and three sides. Then, I worked remotely and intensely at my job until about an hour before candlelighting. I took a fifteen break to set the table in the sukkah. At that point, a family member had a flat tire nearby and I had to go out to the rescue, only to pull in to my driveway as yontiff began. When that happened, I became very calm, because I needed to be in order to help the stressed out family member. BH, it all worked out. We made a bbq on Friday morning to cover the Shabbos meals, so that also helped. Key was organization and just deciding that all would work out.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Oct 20 2024, 2:16 pm

amother Birch wrote:

They did take care of the sukkah. I worried about it anyway... everyone found linen, and they found tablecloths, but I had forgotten to check before if we had enough (I know we're very low). Bh we did, but it stressed me out.

I have a bunch of boys. They need ironed shirts for shabbos and yom tov. Bh usually the cleaning lady does it, but it was erev yom tov and I needed to make sure everyone had ironed shirts... and ties, and cuff links, and belts, and sent their suits to the cleaners, etc etc etc...

Like I said, cooking wasnt an issue as I had either delegated or made it earlier. That's why I was surprised that erev yom tov was still so so stressful....

OddoneOut1

Sun, Oct 20 2024, 2:30 pm

Sounds like you did all YOUR yt prep in advance but was busy with everyone else’s things on the day of- besides the technicalities in the sukka.
It goes back to how much can you prep in advance and differs person to person.
For pesach and next sukkos, maybe make a note to ensure all tablecloths, plasticware and other items for the meals are stocked in advance, just like you do with freezing foods?
For the upcoming Pesach, it means going through the storage of seder plates,pillow covers, kiddish kosos land make sure everything is there so you aren’t scrambling on the Erev.

Regarding your kids items, it might be wise in the future to make an announcement a week before yt that everyone needs to bring you all mending and let you know what needs to be ironed THEN because you don’t want to be busy with it on erev yt. The kid who doesn’t at least do that doesn’t get shirts ironed- but it’s not fair that you should be busy with It on erev yt because they couldn’t be bothered to be on top of their own clothes.
(My dh commented that he wished he got a new tie for yt, on Erev yet. I really wished I could have known a few weeks ago and bought one as a gift but a few hours to go it is TOO late- he grew up in a house where a last minute shopping spree was normal but I’m not ok with It as I want my house to be CALM on Erev)

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Oct 20 2024, 2:57 pm

OddoneOut1 wrote:

Thank you so much, this is sooo helpful!

Interestingly I don't usually have this problem pesach, just sukkos, maybe because we're all aware how much work pesach is but sukkos for some reason is a surprise every year. And how that I'm thinking about it, probably because pesach stuff is more under my control (cleaning, turning over, cooking) and we have all winter to buy yom tov clothing. Here I'm relying more on others - build the sukkah, get daled minim, cots, decorations, even cooking - and their timetable really stresses me out.

Thank you so much, I'm going to bookmark this reply so iyh next year I will follow your advice!!!

amother

Starflower

Sun, Oct 20 2024, 3:29 pm

Take advantage of this situation! You have fresh in your mind all the things you did on erev yom tov. Make a list of every single item and save the list. I like Google docs but do what works for you.
Create a reminder (I like Google Calendar) for next rosh chodesh elul to look at the list and assign it to specific days. For example, you don't need to iron all shirts on erev yom tov - maybe the ones that were worn most recently on Shabbos but otherwise that can be on your calendar for a few days before yom tov. Do that for all the items on the list so that the only things on erev yom tov are the ones that can't be done any earlier.

For me, lists and calendar reminders make a huge difference.

amother

Slateblue ↓

Sun, Oct 20 2024, 4:37 pm

Just like you did the cooking in advance, you need to take care of all these technicalities too. For example I always make a laundry plan. Sunday I’ll wash everything and make sure all shabbos clothing is prepared for YT, and then I’ll figure out exactly when else I’m doing laundry, whether it’s day before or erev YT. Also when buying new clothing I make sure to cut off tags and iron or whatever else is needed so erev YT it’s all ready to go. Also make a shopping schedule- there’s a big shopping a few days earlier or even before Yk and then the day before for fresh fruits and other little things you forgot or ran out of. When planning menu make sure that you plan food for erev YT-also lunch and stuff to nosh on all day. Then you need to block off around an hour to just touch up kitchen and take food out of freezer and warm up, usually before I shower. You really need to walk through all details in advance and work out of a massive calendar with cooking, cleaning, errands, laundry and shopping days outlined. And like others have said, always leave time for all the craziness-but know that it usually happens later in the day so make sure you do what you need to earlier so you have bandwidth for others emergencies. I usually aim to have all last minute laundry, errands and cooking done by chatzos so rest of day is just managing everyone and their stuff.