Rebetzen in shul | Imamother

amother

OP ↓

Tue, Oct 15 2024, 3:11 am

I am having a discussion with a friend about yom kipur. Our community employs a rabbinical couple.
The Rebetzen didn’t show up in shul on yom Kipur services. My friend is adamant that that’s wrong and she should have been with the congregation and be a role model. I argue that she could have many reasons not to come, at the very least she might have gotten sick. Besides it’s not her job as a woman to be in shul on YK, it’s more important to fast.

Why do you think? And do you think it depends on their salary or contract?

amother

Milk

Tue, Oct 15 2024, 3:20 am

Our Rebbetzin was there for Kol Nidrei, but not during the day. I didn't think anything of it. She probably doesn't fast well.

Unless attending shul on Yom Kippur is specified in her part of the contract, you can't really fault her.

amother

Denim

Tue, Oct 15 2024, 3:30 am

Maybe she’s a role model for a mother being home with her kids. Or for a woman fasting. Her place is not to be in Shul on Yom Kippur.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Oct 15 2024, 3:30 am

amother Milk wrote:

Yes
But if we get into the legal realm, being absent due to illness is also allowed

Elfrida ↓

Tue, Oct 15 2024, 3:30 am

Let her be a role model for davening at home and taking care of herself (and her children?)

No one seriously thinks she was spending the day watching television and eating chocolate, do they?

↑ Elfrida

Tue, Oct 15 2024, 3:36 am

amother OP wrote:

Yes
But if we get into the legal realm, being absent due to illness is also allowed

If you're saying it is specified in her contract, there needs to be some discussion before next year. Does that mean not missing a single minute? Is a couple of hours during mussaf enough? Kol Nidrei? Neilah? If relevant, does the community assume the burden of caring for her children for the day? Is fainting and rushing out of shul to vomit considered being a good role model? The expectations on both sides need to be more clearly delineated.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Oct 15 2024, 3:39 am

Elfrida wrote:

If you're saying it is specified in her contract, there needs to be some discussion before next year. Does that mean not missing a single minute? Is a couple of hours during mussaf enough? Kol Nidrei? Neilah? If relevant, does the community assume the burden of caring for her children for tne day? Is fainting and rushing out of shul to vomit considered being a good role model? The expectations on both sides need to be more clearly delineate.

She is older and doesn’t have children at home but she had her dd visiting from abroad with little kids who definitely probably needed help.
Anyways I don’t know what her contract says.

LittleDucky

Tue, Oct 15 2024, 3:48 am

Why is it required?
Some people can't fast.

She should be there for major functions, simchas, maybe give classes, and on RH/YT/ Shabbos. Be there to support families during Shiva and help those who have fallen on hard times.

But YK of all times we should be understanding. There is generally a good reason why anyone would miss YK- can't fast well, medical issues and has to do shiurim and therefore can't be in shul, taking care of family members...

If it is in her contract she should explain to the board and come to some mutual understanding.

But honestly--Not sure why anyone would care if someone else is present on YK. We should be focused on our own machzor.

notshanarishona

Tue, Oct 15 2024, 4:32 am

amother OP wrote:

If someone can only fast if taking it easy then that’s their mitzvah of the day .
Also I have never heard of any contract that requires the rabbi’s wife to always go to shul. That’s typically the rabbi’s job.

amother

Aqua

Tue, Oct 15 2024, 5:20 am

Is she leading the davening or giving the drasha before neilah ? Answering urgent Halacha shaalos? Why in the world is it anyone’s business if she is in shul unless it was specifically put into the contract, which would be highly unusual.

amother

Oleander

Tue, Oct 15 2024, 5:32 am

notshanarishona wrote:

Yes I and others have been told that many times.
The most important part of YK is fasting. If going to shul is going to hinder your ability to fast then you should not be going

amother

Hawthorn ↓

Tue, Oct 15 2024, 7:41 am

I am a rebbetzin who has not gone to shul on YK for the last few years.
I have been home with my little kids.
My husband is in shul all day.
I also do not give shiurim and I'm hardly there on shabbos either.

I don't know if others judge me. But I have never been hired by anyone. My husband is the Rav and I have never accepted any official duties.
Maybe in your shul it's different? Most rebbetzins are not contracted by the shul and can be as involved or not involved as they want.

Bnei Berak 10 ↓

Tue, Oct 15 2024, 7:51 am

OP, your friend should please learn to focus on her own tafkid in life instead of looking what the Rebbetzin does and doesn't do.

amother

Crocus

Tue, Oct 15 2024, 8:04 am

The person who brought up the subject with OP seriously needs to mind her own business.
Signed
Rebbetzin who spent most of Musaf in bed

Chayalle ↓

Tue, Oct 15 2024, 8:13 am

amother Crocus wrote:

The person who brought up the subject with OP seriously needs to mind her own business.
Signed
Rebbetzin who spent most of Musaf in bed

Genuine Hug.

I wonder if the person is paying the Rebbetzin a separate salary.

amother

↑ Hawthorn

Tue, Oct 15 2024, 8:22 am

Honestly, since when does a rebbetzin get paid? Is this really a thing?
My husband is the rav. He does all rabbinical duties.
The shul has a secretary to take care of running the shul.
I stay home and take care of the house and allow my husband the freedom to give to the community. I will host on shabbos and occasionally send over food to someone who needs it or made a simcha. Other than that, I have no official duties. I cant imagine what others think when they see my empty seat in shul.

PinkFridge

Tue, Oct 15 2024, 8:25 am

amother OP wrote:

She is older and doesn’t have children at home but she had her dd visiting from abroad with little kids who definitely probably needed help.
Anyways I don’t know what her contract says.

There might be something going on with that dd's family. Maybe the dd doesn't fast well.
Or maybe the rebbetzin spent time on YK doing other chessed.