$1.60 in my bank account

amother

↑ Cyan ↓

Mon, Oct 07 2024, 3:22 pm

amother Clover wrote:

Wow 3pm on a Friday sounds very late, what happens when Shabbos is at 4/5pm? Also I used to do deliveries for Tomchei in Brooklyn, we did it Thursday night 6-9pm timing wise, so people were still able to use the food to cook for Shabbos, what does 3pm Friday accomplish?

3pm is only for ppl picking up presumably most ppl get it delivered. Maybe they need to make sure everyone gets their deliveries first.

amother

↑ Babypink ↓

Mon, Oct 07 2024, 3:35 pm

amother OP wrote:

Right exactly thanks for understanding.

We’ve discussed tomchei many times. He’s too well known in the community to be comfortable having someone drop it off by us and I haven’t figure out a way to pickup.

We get help already from the community programs.

I could run camps technically but it’s really not my forte. I just end up getting annoyed about a mess. It’s not my thing and as much as I want to do it, I have lots on my own plate with my own neurodivergent kids.

My grocery receipt- are you kidding me? My splurge was on $10 plastic cutlery for yom tov to enhance my simchas yom tov so I don’t have to wash then. Why do you think I don’t do the other things you mentioned? It’s really off putting you are assuming they because we are struggling I don’t know how to budget / save. Just because I’m poor doesn’t mean I lack life skills.

I’ve called the credit card company as per suggestion here all I got was, we can’t help you, pay your bill and that’s all. I never got any plans worked out.

Thanks for davening for us!

Hi again OP.

I'm sorry my suggestions made you feel upset and angry. I absolutely did not mean to talk down to you. I know my suggestions aren't super novel or unique. Sometimes though, when you're in the middle of a crisis, it's easy to overlook even the most obvious solutions.

For example (at the risk of making you angry again--- again, not my intention!) you've said that the reason tomchai Shabbos isn't an option is because you won't have it delivered and can't pick up Friday at 3. Could this obstacle be overcome? We needed to work with a non Jewish specialist therapist for one of my kids for a while. Her only available appointment? 4-5pm on Fridays! You can imagine this was a very stressful challenge. But we made it work. All cooking happened Wednesday and Thursday. Baths happened Thursday night. Shabbos clean up also happened Thursday night, along with whatever else I could manage on Fridays. Our house was less clean for Shabbos for those months. But we made it to those appointments. The first few weeks were stressful, but pretty soon we all adjusted to our new routine and stopped finding it so difficult.

Going out to pick up food packages on Fri afternoons won't be fun, but you can do it! Think about the full fridge and freezer, week after week. Wouldn't it be worth the change in your routine?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Oct 07 2024, 3:39 pm

amother Babypink wrote:

Yes this all makes sense. The only reason I can’t is because DH is very opposed so if I do it when he’s not home I’ll just put it in the freezer/fridge but when he’s there it’s obvious and not good for shalom Bayis

amother

↑ Diamond

Mon, Oct 07 2024, 3:42 pm

Hi, I’m sorry if this has been asked and answer, but where do you live? I am in Monsey and I am happy to pick up the food and deliver either to you or have you pick it up for me or drop it off at some anonymous mutual location. It seems a shame for you not to be able to take advantage of Tomche Shabbos . I imagine they would give you enough food for Shabbos and potentially during the week as well.

Everyone here would like to help. We are just trying to think of ways that you can avail yourself of the resources that may be available. I know it’s challenging sometimes it’s hard to see through the despair but perhaps if you can take one step forward you will get a little bit of relief and then you continue to take steps Forward.

amother

↑ Babypink

Mon, Oct 07 2024, 4:02 pm

amother OP wrote:

I'm assuming the financial strain and the debt is also 'not good for shalom bait'.

At least if you accept t. s. there will be food on the table.

When he asks where the food came from as your unpacking it, say 'a generous gift from a friend', and leave it at that.

amother

Iris ↓

Mon, Oct 07 2024, 4:38 pm

Hi I'm in Cleveland. I don't remember the previous threads and what's been said already. If OP, if YOU are comfortable, you can link previous threads.

People keep mentioning tomchei shabbos.
As someone in Cleveland, I'm assuming you know there are two organizations, matan bsayser and tomchei shabbos. I'm not sure what each does re shabbos, but have you availed yourself of at least one of them?

Re. Food bank.
There's chesed center (do you qualify?) On Taylor
there's kosher food bank on Green
There's random produce pickups at various libraries.
Do you know about all of those?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Oct 07 2024, 4:49 pm

amother Iris wrote:

Yes get food bank on green weekly. Very helpful B”H.
Don’t know about the library ones- you have info?

amother

Phlox

Mon, Oct 07 2024, 4:49 pm

I'm following this thread and sorry to hear about your situation. I know you said you're in a tough situation because of your husband's position in the community and his refusal to take tomchei shabbos. I wanted to mention that a few years ago, we were in a very difficult financial situation yet DH wouldn't take it either. We ended up going to our Rav together to discuss. He gave us a psak that we need to take the help for now. Maybe not an exact psak, but a very strongly worded "you need to do this."
BH that helped DH be more open to it.

amother

Birch

Mon, Oct 07 2024, 4:50 pm

amother Stone wrote:

Let me flesh out what I mean a bit more.
You said you live in Cleveland. Lets say you live in Cleveland Heights on block with frum neighbors, and you can sell for around 300k.

You can move to something like this, which is still walking distance to that area, for 140k.
https://www.zillow.com/homedet.....zpid/

You use the money you made to pay off most of your mortgage, and you will be left with a monthly payment of a a few hundred dollars at most, if not be able to be mortgage free.

Yes, you are downgrading both location and house size, but imagine what not having a mortgage at all would do for your finances!

The reason I said something about moving, is it is possible that there are higher paying job opportunities/ better benefits somewhere else, I know cleveland is hard when it comes to jobs....

Do people understand that moving is a luxury and extremely expensive? Especially across state lines. Your privilege is showing

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Oct 07 2024, 4:57 pm

amother Phlox wrote:

Thanks I know people say I’m being negative and keep turning down excuses. But I’m just trying to explain the situation. The relationship with the rav is complicated but pretty much we don’t have a rav, and it would be worse for my shalom Bayis to ask the rav who helped us.
I know people say it’s bad for our shalom Bayis to not have money. But this is worse. I can’t explain, if you understand you understand and if not then be grateful you don’t, but that’s the way it is

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Oct 07 2024, 4:59 pm

amother Babypink wrote:

Ok but in our relationship it’s better to have the debt. I can’t explain, it just is. He doesn’t want us taking from anyone… he doesn’t like when I take people’s leftover stuff. It’s his complex , so I try to do it when he’s not aware (I get from the food pantry when he’s not home), but I can’t do it when he’s around. That’s just the way it is.

I don’t mean to be negative and turn down ideas. I really went with any of them that were helpful to our situation

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Oct 07 2024, 5:03 pm

amother Diamond wrote:

Not monsey but your offer is so nice. I wish there was a pickup at a convenient time for tomchei. If it was Thursday during the daytime I’d go