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Forum
-> Household Management
-> Finances
amother
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 Mon, Oct 07 2024, 2:34 am
Why Hashem why. How is this supposed to get me through to next pay period? We are trying to hard it just feels so unfair.
I keep working in my Emunah and bitachon that Hashem takes care of us and he takes care of my kids but really, how am I supposed to manage?
Last month we got our power turned off because I couldn’t pay. I was able to put it on cc. Now again we can’t pay. What’s gonna be.
And what about sukkos? How does that work? How does one make sukkos with $1.60? (B”H we have a sukkah already)
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amother
Wandflower
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Mon, Oct 07 2024, 3:18 am
I have -$64.00 on my credit card. NEGATIVE!!! Interest of $650 will be hitting the card today and I can't even pay it.
I can't even use my bank account
We're making a wedding in 4 weeks
I've been up all night waiting for the email that the interest won't be covered.
I want to cry.
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wanttobehappy
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Mon, Oct 07 2024, 3:19 am
Call every organization u can bikur Cholem ur rav ask ur family for help ur not doing it for yourself ur doing it for ur kids.. do u work? Can ur kids make an erev yom tov camp for the Neibhore’s? This makes me so sad there are so many easy ways to make $$$ todays day PM me
Start making salads for Simcha’s
Give any type of lessons/ tutoring
Make anytime to sell on etsi
DoorDash
Sell stuff on Whatapp groups or Facebook marketplace
If ur so poor then I hope I have internet acces and can work on line
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amother
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Mon, Oct 07 2024, 3:22 am
| amother Wandflower wrote: | I have -$64.00 on my credit card. NEGATIVE!!! Interest of $650 will be hitting the card today and I can't even pay it.
I can't even use my bank account
We're making a wedding in 4 weeks
I've been up all night waiting for the email that the interest won't be covered.
I want to cry. |
I feel you so much and davening for you
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amother
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Mon, Oct 07 2024, 3:24 am
| wanttobehappy wrote: | Call every organization u can bikur Cholem ur rav ask ur family for help ur not doing it for yourself ur doing it for ur kids.. do u work? Can ur kids make an erev yom tov camp for the Neibhore’s? This makes me so sad there are so many easy ways to make $$$ todays day PM me
Start making salads for Simcha’s
Give any type of lessons/ tutoring
Make anytime to sell on etsi
DoorDash
Sell stuff on Whatapp groups or Facebook marketplace
If ur so poor then I hope I have internet acces and can work on line |
We already got help for Rosh hashana from the rav and the chesed organization it went to pay back mortgage B”H.
I work and run 2 businesses (one I sell a certain food from my home so it only comes shabbos time, the other is new so not making money yet).
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Goldie613
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Mon, Oct 07 2024, 3:26 am
I have no idea what your job or personal situation is, so please forgive me if none of what I say is at all useful to you.
Just some quick thoughts -
1 - Do you have Tomche Shabbos/food pantries/chesed organizations near you that can at least help you with having enough to eat for Yom Tov?
2 - Can you go to anyone for chag, either for the whole thing or at least for some meals (again, it would help with cutting food costs)?
3 - Is there anything in your cabinets/fridge/freezer that you have a bunch of, or a mixture of odds and ends? Post what you have here - I'm sure someone will come up with something you can do with it.
4 - Is your husband physically able to help with putting up sukkahs for others, or have the time to sell lulavs and esrogs? It might be a way to bring in some extra money. Same thing with you and house cleaning and babysitting, or tutoring if that's more your thing.
5 - Is there any chance your company or your spouse's company would consider giving a small advance on your paycheck, or paying you a few days early?
6 - Any room on any credit cards? I know, I know, not an ideal method, but sometimes you do what you have to do and pay it down post the chagim.
OP, I hope you have much bracha and mazal in the coming year. If you post your specific concerns or what part of the world you live in, maybe others imas will be able to suggest something more specific to help.
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amother
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Mon, Oct 07 2024, 3:34 am
| Goldie613 wrote: | I have no idea what your job or personal situation is, so please forgive me if none of what I say is at all useful to you.
Just some quick thoughts -
1 - Do you have Tomche Shabbos/food pantries/chesed organizations near you that can at least help you with having enough to eat for Yom Tov?
2 - Can you go to anyone for chag, either for the whole thing or at least for some meals (again, it would help with cutting food costs)?
3 - Is there anything in your cabinets/fridge/freezer that you have a bunch of, or a mixture of odds and ends? Post what you have here - I'm sure someone will come up with something you can do with it.
4 - Is your husband physically able to help with putting up sukkahs for others, or have the time to sell lulavs and esrogs? It might be a way to bring in some extra money. Same thing with you and house cleaning and babysitting, or tutoring if that's more your thing.
5 - Is there any chance your company or your spouse's company would consider giving a small advance on your paycheck, or paying you a few days early?
6 - Any room on any credit cards? I know, I know, not an ideal method, but sometimes you do what you have to do and pay it down post the chagim.
OP, I hope you have much bracha and mazal in the coming year. If you post your specific concerns or what part of the world you live in, maybe others imas will be able to suggest something more specific to help.
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1. Yes we get help from food pantry, it’s once a month. Next day to get is Wednesday or Thursday this week
2. If we go to family it’s $400 to drive out of town and that’s just the gas/ tolls
3. I used everything up over yom tov, literally spent only $100 on basics and covered the rest from fridge/ freezer/pantry
4. I can’t get into it but my husband is doing as much as he can right now he maxed out. Same for me, when am I gonna do those things. I’m working, running 2 businesses and being a mom.
5. No
6. No. That’s one of the reason why we are in this space. We have never made ends meet and sadly had to put a lot on cc and now we are in a loop
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amother
Mintgreen
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Mon, Oct 07 2024, 4:07 am
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I’m with you… Erev Rosh hashana I needed a cookie sheet and couldn’t buy it because there was $0.74 in my bank account. May this be a year of prosperity for all!
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amother
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Mon, Oct 07 2024, 4:35 am
| amother OP wrote: | 1. Yes we get help from food pantry, it’s once a month. Next day to get is Wednesday or Thursday this week
2. If we go to family it’s $400 to drive out of town and that’s just the gas/ tolls
3. I used everything up over yom tov, literally spent only $100 on basics and covered the rest from fridge/ freezer/pantry
4. I can’t get into it but my husband is doing as much as he can right now he maxed out. Same for me, when am I gonna do those things. I’m working, running 2 businesses and being a mom.
5. No
6. No. That’s one of the reason why we are in this space. We have never made ends meet and sadly had to put a lot on cc and now we are in a loop |
I followed your last thread, OP, and watched with mixed joy and concern as you received and accepted suggestions of where to get help, and outright offers of help.
I was so happy for you, but the refrain that went through my mind was, what about next week? And the week after that? And the week after that?
And here we are, one week later. Poverty is such a cruel and never ending cycle, such a difficult pit to pull yourself out of.
Some suggestions:
Have that very difficult conversation about tomchai Shabbos with you husband. I know you said he's very against it. It sounds like you have no choice but to swallow and get that help. If you want to get out of this loop, you need to lower your expenses weekly, for the mid to long term. Tomchai Shabbos can really help with that.
Have another (difficult, I know, I'm sorry) conversation with your rav. Are there community funds you can tap into? Are there programs you don't know about?
Addressing point #4: I know you both feel maxed out, but it sounds like bringing in more income is a must. I know your tired. I'm sorry. It's really really difficult. In the long term, you or your husband might need to think about switching jobs or careers. But in the short term, can you think creatively about how to get some expenses off your plate?
I have a few ideas that have worked for me, and I'm sure the community here would be able to come up with more:
We had a fast day yesterday and another coming up in a week. Teens in my neighborhood run a fantastic fast day and erev Chag program for little kids. They make hundreds of dollars. I know a few of them use this money as their clothing budget for the year. You mentioned big girls who want to dress well. Could something like this be a solution, for your teens or for you? Every day off from school is a struggle for moms who work full time. Lots of people look for Friday afternoon or Sunday clubs for there kids. Could you run a day camp during those days? Those programs make good money. I know women and men in my community who have left their full time jobs and ended up doing these camps exclusively, they were that successful.
Grab your last full grocery receipt and give it a good hard look. I have cut out all disposable, and most prepared foods. It saves a fortune. Same goes for weekly expenses in general. We stopped getting cleaning help years ago. We take care of our own lawn. We use YouTube very effectively to do minor repairs, upkeep our car. Walk instead of drive whenever you can (works as exercise too, a double bonus! Save money and get skinny at the same time!)
Call your mortgage company, your telephone/Internet service, your water and electric company, any medical bills, your credit card company. Explain your situation. You'd be surprised at what these big companies can 'forgive' and the sorts of plans they can make with you.
I'm davening for you, OP. May you have all the money you need, and the strength, wisdom, creativity, humor and insight to cope with your current circumstances.
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amother
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Mon, Oct 07 2024, 4:40 am
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Such beautiful suggestions given with such warmth and compassion. May you all be benched with Parnassah Tova good health and Yeshuas in the new year
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amother
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Mon, Oct 07 2024, 5:18 am
| amother Babypink wrote: | I followed your last thread, OP, and watched with mixed joy and concern as you received and accepted suggestions of where to get help, and outright offers of help.
I was so happy for you, but the refrain that went through my mind was, what about next week? And the week after that? And the week after that?
And here we are, one week later. Poverty is such a cruel and never ending cycle, such a difficult pit to pull yourself out of.
Some suggestions:
Have that very difficult conversation about tomchai Shabbos with you husband. I know you said he's very against it. It sounds like you have no choice but to swallow and get that help. If you want to get out of this loop, you need to lower your expenses weekly, for the mid to long term. Tomchai Shabbos can really help with that.
Have another (difficult, I know, I'm sorry) conversation with your rav. Are there community funds you can tap into? Are there programs you don't know about?
Addressing point #4: I know you both feel maxed out, but it sounds like bringing in more income is a must. I know your tired. I'm sorry. It's really really difficult. In the long term, you or your husband might need to think about switching jobs or careers. But in the short term, can you think creatively about how to get some expenses off your plate?
I have a few ideas that have worked for me, and I'm sure the community here would be able to come up with more:
We had a fast day yesterday and another coming up in a week. Teens in my neighborhood run a fantastic fast day and erev Chag program for little kids. They make hundreds of dollars. I know a few of them use this money as their clothing budget for the year. You mentioned big girls who want to dress well. Could something like this be a solution, for your teens or for you? Every day off from school is a struggle for moms who work full time. Lots of people look for Friday afternoon or Sunday clubs for there kids. Could you run a day camp during those days? Those programs make good money. I know women and men in my community who have left their full time jobs and ended up doing these camps exclusively, they were that successful.
Grab your last full grocery receipt and give it a good hard look. I have cut out all disposable, and most prepared foods. It saves a fortune. Same goes for weekly expenses in general. We stopped getting cleaning help years ago. We take care of our own lawn. We use YouTube very effectively to do minor repairs, upkeep our car. Walk instead of drive whenever you can (works as exercise too, a double bonus! Save money and get skinny at the same time!)
Call your mortgage company, your telephone/Internet service, your water and electric company, any medical bills, your credit card company. Explain your situation. You'd be surprised at what these big companies can 'forgive' and the sorts of plans they can make with you.
I'm davening for you, OP. May you have all the money you need, and the strength, wisdom, creativity, humor and insight to cope with your current circumstances. |
Right exactly thanks for understanding.
We’ve discussed tomchei many times. He’s too well known in the community to be comfortable having someone drop it off by us and I haven’t figure out a way to pickup.
We get help already from the community programs.
I could run camps technically but it’s really not my forte. I just end up getting annoyed about a mess. It’s not my thing and as much as I want to do it, I have lots on my own plate with my own neurodivergent kids.
My grocery receipt- are you kidding me? My splurge was on $10 plastic cutlery for yom tov to enhance my simchas yom tov so I don’t have to wash then. Why do you think I don’t do the other things you mentioned? It’s really off putting you are assuming they because we are struggling I don’t know how to budget / save. Just because I’m poor doesn’t mean I lack life skills.
I’ve called the credit card company as per suggestion here all I got was, we can’t help you, pay your bill and that’s all. I never got any plans worked out.
Thanks for davening for us!
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amother
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Mon, Oct 07 2024, 10:43 am
| amother OP wrote: | Right exactly thanks for understanding.
We’ve discussed tomchei many times. He’s too well known in the community to be comfortable having someone drop it off by us and I haven’t figure out a way to pickup.
We get help already from the community programs.
I could run camps technically but it’s really not my forte. I just end up getting annoyed about a mess. It’s not my thing and as much as I want to do it, I have lots on my own plate with my own neurodivergent kids.
My grocery receipt- are you kidding me? My splurge was on $10 plastic cutlery for yom tov to enhance my simchas yom tov so I don’t have to wash then. Why do you think I don’t do the other things you mentioned? It’s really off putting you are assuming they because we are struggling I don’t know how to budget / save. Just because I’m poor doesn’t mean I lack life skills.
I’ve called the credit card company as per suggestion here all I got was, we can’t help you, pay your bill and that’s all. I never got any plans worked out.
Thanks for davening for us! |
First if all hugs!
Poverty crushes your soul, and is such a cycle that is so so hard to get out off.
He may just need to get over the shame. Sometimes we are in the position to be givers and then sometimes we are need to be takers.
Long term, can you downgrade your housing to take down some of the burden?
I am assuming you need to stay in town because of the special education, but maybe moving further out and into a smaller place you can both free up some cash and lower your monthly expenses ( there is a way to roll over the mortgage, so that you are not paying todays high rates).
I am sure you are not living in a big or fancy space now, but the reality is the standard small house in the US is very large compared to europe or Israel, meaning that it is entirely possible to be happy even with a large family in a smaller space.
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amother
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Mon, Oct 07 2024, 10:47 am
| amother Stone wrote: | First if all hugs!
Poverty crushes your soul, and is such a cycle that is so so hard to get out off.
He may just need to get over the shame. Sometimes we are in the position to be givers and then sometimes we are need to be takers.
Long term, can you downgrade your housing to take down some of the burden?
I am assuming you need to stay in town because of the special education, but maybe moving further out and into a smaller place you can both free up some cash and lower your monthly expenses ( there is a way to roll over the mortgage, so that you are not paying todays high rates).
I am sure you are not living in a big or fancy space now, but the reality is the standard small house in the US is very large compared to europe or Israel, meaning that it is entirely possible to be happy even with a large family in a smaller space. |
Thanks.
Yes I wish he would get over the shame but that’s his issue, I can’t force it.
I don’t think there is any way to downgrade our housing. Our mortgage is $1400 a month including escrow. Even rentals wouldn’t be much less than that. In terms of housing we aren’t gonna get much cheaper. We bought a few years ago when the housing was lower. And no we don’t need to stay here because of special education, but we aren’t gonna get cheaper anywhere now.
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amother
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Mon, Oct 07 2024, 10:50 am
| amother OP wrote: | Right exactly thanks for understanding.
We’ve discussed tomchei many times. He’s too well known in the community to be comfortable having someone drop it off by us and I haven’t figure out a way to pickup.
We get help already from the community programs.
I could run camps technically but it’s really not my forte. I just end up getting annoyed about a mess. It’s not my thing and as much as I want to do it, I have lots on my own plate with my own neurodivergent kids.
My grocery receipt- are you kidding me? My splurge was on $10 plastic cutlery for yom tov to enhance my simchas yom tov so I don’t have to wash then. Why do you think I don’t do the other things you mentioned? It’s really off putting you are assuming they because we are struggling I don’t know how to budget / save. Just because I’m poor doesn’t mean I lack life skills.
I’ve called the credit card company as per suggestion here all I got was, we can’t help you, pay your bill and that’s all. I never got any plans worked out.
Thanks for davening for us! |
Hi, first of all sending a hug. I’m sorry it’s so hard.
Secondly I know in my community you can have Tomche Shabbos drop off at anyone’s house and then you pick it up. Could you perhaps have a delivered to a shul or a friend or some anonymous business? I would offer my home or I could pick it up for you and meet you someplace if you’re in Monsey.
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amother
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Mon, Oct 07 2024, 10:51 am
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Get it dropped off at another address. You need to get tomchei shabbos for your family.
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amother
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Mon, Oct 07 2024, 10:52 am
| amother Viola wrote: | | Get it dropped off at another address. You need to get tomchei shabbos for your family. |
Where? No friends know that we are taking help.
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ShishKabob
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Mon, Oct 07 2024, 10:53 am
Just wanted to send you a virtual hug!!! It's really difficult to go through this! Keep space in your mind, that Hashem can send you money and food even if in your wildest imagination you can't think of how He can pull it off. And He can do it without Tomchei Shabbos and without embarrassing you either.
Warmest Hugs and may you have an abundant year with lots of money and anything that you may need. May you look back at this as a little bump in the road!
Gmar Tov!
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amother
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Mon, Oct 07 2024, 10:54 am
| amother OP wrote: | | Where? No friends know that we are taking help. |
You don’t have one person you can tell that you really trust to not repeat it to anyone? Maybe your rav’s house.
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diny4567
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Mon, Oct 07 2024, 10:55 am
| amother OP wrote: | | Where? No friends know that we are taking help. |
is there anyway you can reach out to me ?
[mod note. Please be careful about reaching out to amothers unless verified by Yael. Thank you.]
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amother
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Mon, Oct 07 2024, 10:56 am
| ShishKabob wrote: | Just wanted to send you a virtual hug!!! It's really difficult to go through this! Keep space in your mind, that Hashem can send you money and food even if in your wildest imagination you can't think of how He can pull it off. And He can do it without Tomchei Shabbos and without embarrassing you either.
Warmest Hugs and may you have an abundant year with lots of money and anything that you may need. May you look back at this as a little bump in the road!
Gmar Tov! |
You know the story of hashem sending help in a hundred different ways and the man refused all because he was waiting for Hashem to hand it to him in a different way? Maybe this is the help Hashem wants her to have help. She has to figure out a way.
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