“Dont live beyond your means”- what if that’s not possible

amother

↑ OP ↓

Today at 11:31 am

amother Khaki wrote:

I totally get you, OP. I promise, I've been there. Poverty is exhausting.

What really freed us was looking at our life, our expenses, and making choices for us that made sense, and ignoring the community expectations and restrictions that made necessities out of things that we actually could live without.

We save thousands of dollars a year by not having cleaning help. We save thousands by making very simple simchos. We save thousands by not wearing Jewish clothes. We bought a house no one wanted because it was weirdly laid out and small and in pretty bad shape for really cheap, and have saved thousands doing many of the repairs ourselves by watching u tube videos and getting supplies from architectural salvage yards. Yom tov is not a financial burden because we choose not to make it one. We just put up our succah, which was free, made from scrap wood leftovers from a neighbors construction project a few years ago. We have company that keeps coming back because our meals are fun and we love our guests, even if all were serving is omelettes and waffles and salad. No one seems to care, because we don't care.

Our kids are happy because we're happy. Even our teens. They're popular and gorgeous and smart. They sometimes wish they had the cool stuff some of their friends have, but they also love our family life. We have so much fun together. We're confident that we can give them a good life without the material clutter that's become so 'essential' to everyone's 'mental health'. And it's working!

I don't mean to condescend. Really truly. But I hear so much pain in your posts. The financial squeeze is real and really hard. But there is usually wiggle room if your willing to think outside the box.

Where do you buy teen girls clothing that’s not “Jewish clothing”

amother

↑ Springgreen

Today at 12:31 pm

amother OP wrote:

Right for sure. Just can’t take out a Gmach loan for every small purchase and generally you need a co-signer which we don’t have.

So we thought about this piece of qualifying for assistance. But that means I can’t work (if just DH worked we’d qualify), but then we are stuck in this loop forever.

You could stop working full time and do just enough to stay in the work force ( 10 hours a week) just for the period that you have tuitions. Even $4,500 adds up when you have a bunch of kids, but when you are done with that you can go back to full time.

Also this would free up other money like daycare, babysitters, taking off ( so you can access the university dental care) you can shop around sales, ordering and returning teen clothing from Shein, Temu, and Ali, learn how to sew and do your own alterations, make products from scratch to cut down food costs, all things that are really hard to do while working full time.

Another idea would be to work in the school and ask that the salary be applied for tuition.
This way you don't have take home pay, can qualify for benefits, and still stay in the workforce.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Today at 12:36 pm

amother Springgreen wrote:

I’m not sure if you read all my posts. Firstly, I only work part time. And I said I live in a state with vouchers so tuition is a very small amount.
And why would it make sense to work less and then go to the dental college? Over the years I’d make way more than I’m saving.

I didn’t say I was looking for ideas but if you’re giving them- I can work in the school, but I would make about half of what I’m making now (my job is not something they have in a school). And we wouldn’t qualify for benefits because DH salary alone is $100 under for snap. So if I work we are way way over.

I already order clothing from Ali- it’s not cheap.
What makes you think I don’t buy from SHEIN?
And no I would not “sew” and make products from scratch. Not because I’m lazy, because that’s not my skill set.

amother

↑ Saddlebrown

Today at 2:23 pm

amother Leaf wrote:

Due to numerous allergies and other health issues, the special food I make cost a lot more. It’s actually one of my biggest expenses. I can take a taxi round trip $100 to the closest Walmart or target (no car or public transport easily accessible) and that is more than the weekly savings from shopping local.

Will the Walmart deliver to you? Walmart+ is $100 a year ($50 if you are on benefits) and has unlimited free home delivery. I get most of my groceries from there. Some groceries are also available for shipping (free over a certain minimum even without the subscription).

amother

Pumpkin

Today at 2:35 pm

amother Cappuccino wrote:

It's tough.
For us it means not to eat the food others see as necessities. I served pasta with a choice of ketchup or olive oil for Shabbos lunch yesterday. That was it.
Today's lunch was oatmeal porridge.
Cheap meals like that. (Not always, but often enough.)
Only frozen vegetables, not fresh. That's what not living beyond our means means to us.
We dilute the kiddush wine (rav says that's okay)
We don't buy clothes but over the years we've found people who are happy to hand down theirs so it's not a stress for us anymore.
And many more things.

This is sad. Please reach out to your Rav and tell him this. Kids need proper food to eat. Is there tomchei Shabbos where you live? I have no money but always buy food for my kids even if it’s on the credit card. That’s not negotiable. May Hashem send you parnassah in abundance.

amother

↑ Rose

Today at 4:12 pm

amother Leaf wrote:

Not always is there wiggle room.
I’ve been going to a Gemach to get my kids clothes but they don’t have sweaters or suits. My toddler Ds is wearing short sleeves and no sweater as it’s cold and my cc is maxed. The last bit was spent on my bochur for a suit that he’s now wearing Shabbos and weekday to his yeshiva gedolah. His old one ripped and is beyond repair. He shouldn’t have a suit jacket that he needs to daven in? He’s a very hard to find size so the one company that makes his size may cost more but it’s an unavoidable expense.

Due to numerous allergies and other health issues, the special food I make cost a lot more. It’s actually one of my biggest expenses. I can take a taxi round trip $100 to the closest Walmart or target (no car or public transport easily accessible) and that is more than the weekly savings from shopping local.

We are in a tight spot too. Does Walmart + deliver to your address? A relative has a subscription and gave me the password. I use my own CC but it still saves me so much money on stuff I need. No minimum for shipping and delivery is free with $35. I save a lot on flour, vegetables. oil, sugar... many of their brand products are kosher.

amother

↑ OP

Today at 5:03 pm

amother Rose wrote:

If anyone in your family has Medicaid (or snap you can it half price membership). My kids have Medicaid so I pay $50 a year

amother

↑ Leaf

Today at 5:33 pm

amother Saddlebrown wrote:

I tried to order school supplies and many items won’t ship to my area. There is no Walmart in my city.
Many of the products I buy because of allergies are only made by frum companies.